Thanks to my re-discovered lust for David Tennant, I actually wrote a Doctor Who fic, pinch-hitting for the [ profile] public_call exchange. It was fun, the story totally ran away with me, and I wrote almost 9000 words in bit more than two days. And all that just because David Tennant was so incredibly hot as the Doctor.

And because I had just finished reading The Three Musketeers when I wrote the fic, I made Ten and Martha go to 17h century Paris:

Title: Memento Mori
Author: Donna Immaculata
Recipient: subjunctive
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Martha Jones
Rating: R/Mature
Word count: 8264
Warnings: none
Summary: The 17th century is less romantic than Martha thought.

Memento Mori
Look, I wrote fic! I'm very proud: I hadn't written anything in months, and in the next few weeks I've got two more fics coming up.

This one was written for the Snupin Santa Multimedia Holiday Fest over at [ profile] lupin_snape, answering the following prompt:

NC-17. A challenge for you, dear writer! I would like what amounts to nearly a complete monologue. One is talking to the other - doesn't matter which - seducing him. Can be day or night, in bed or in the forest, (over the phone??) established relationship or no. Set the scene through the monologue, though bits of information are allowed. Little bits. Some speech by the other is allowed, but as little as possible. Noises are fine, however. ;) Perhaps he's gagged? You tell me. Can be kinky or not, but this is a consensual situation. Tone: HOT

Title: Knight in Sour Armour
Author: Donna Immaculata
Rating: R
Word count: 1894
Pairing: Snape/Lupin
Disclaimer: Not my characters, I just take them out to play
Summary: After rescuing him from the Department of Mysteries, Snape brings Lupin home and puts him to bed.
Notes: A writing experiment: monologue-only fic is tricky, but it was an interesting exercise.

Knight in Sour Armour
Okay, so I'm the first to admit that I've fallen out of love with Doctor Who. I still watch it, but it's on a rather meh basis.

But: I did watch The Day of the Doctor (and am meh about it):

a) I, um, didn't understand the central conflict: I mean the reason why the Doctor in the time window between Eight and Nine did what he did was because he wanted to annihilate the Daleks and put an end to the war and the killing once and for all, right?

But Ten and Eleven knew that the Daleks would be back at least once per season. So... why not mention it casually at some point? Did it not occur to anyone that this might be an argument worth considering under the circumstances? Certainly a better argument than having Rose and Clara* whine wide-eyededly to think about the children.

b) I miss David Tennant. He was so hawt as the Doctor, it's unreal. I never knew how much I missed him until I watched him being delightful in Day of the Doctor. Shame one of his seasons was wasted on him being unbearable with Rose and another on him being horrible to Martha. I will have to rewatch the Catherine Tate series, she was a good companion.

c) I am looking forward to Peter Capaldi. I never realised how little I care about Matt Smith's Doctor until I saw him in company with the others. I hope Peter Capaldi will bring back some of my old love for the Doctor, he's usually very good at making me love him in anything he does. He's very talented like that.

*I don't see the point of Clara. I know many people like her, but she's so... wide-eyed and cute. And good with children. And... that's it. Once upon a time, her special skill was "being good with computers", but that hasn't been mentioned lately.
I'm currently reading The Three Musketeers. It's a re-read - I read it at some point as a child in my adventure-novel phase, and then re-read it every five-six years or so. I initially had a massive crush on Aramis, but then Athos became my favourite. He's so delightfully cynical, level-headed and drunk.

But. I'm reading it now through a completely different filter. I can't stand the four leads, they are awful human beings. Well, Aramis seems kinda okay, I think he's actually the only one who treats other people with respect, even his mistresses. Especially his mistresses.

And there's the upcoming BBC adaptation, which I am tentatively looking forward to. Tom Burke plays Athos, and I like Tom Burke, and there's Peter Capaldi, who is always excellent value. But at the same time, I can't help worrying that it's just another, slightly darker (they wear leather!) spin on the fannish interpretation of the source - i.e. three cheeky chappies who spout one-liners whilst beating up mooks, the bumbling village idiot d'Artagnan, the uber-evil Cardinal Richelieu, the star-crossed lovers King & Queen of France, and of course the evilest of all evil demons, Milady de Winter.

Whereas, in the novel, the musketeers are very much reprehensible human beings:

Athos has trained his valet not to talk, and if he does talk, he thrashes him mercilessly, albeit dispassionately. And, at the age of 25, he'd hanged his 16-year old (!) wife after discovering the fleur-de-lys brand on her shoulder, because obviously she must have been EVIL.

Porthos expects his mistress to finance his musketeering equipment and he feels absolutely justified to steal the money from her bed-ridden husband. When she's reluctant to do so, he goes off in a sulk.

d'Artagnan tricks a woman into sleeping with him by pretending to be someone else, and is justified in doing so, because the woman in question is Milady, and she's evil. Really, she is. Oh, and he "seduces" her maid (who is very reluctant, but unable to fight him) to get into Milady's knickers.

Aramis is kinda okay, I've got to admit. He seems to treat the various women he's involved with like human beings, he doesn't beat his valet and he's only moderately violent.

All four of them think nothing of taking human life, of course, and cheerfully kill people in duels as well as in battle.

The author stresses all throughout the novel that we mustn't judge men of that period by modern standards, which would be absolutely fine with me if Milady got the same treatment. But she is treated by the protagonists and the authorial voice as the hellish demon from hell who must be destroyed at all cost. I am actually totally rooting for Milady. She has done nothing on the pages of the book that is in any way worse than what the heroes have done. She lies, tricks and is ambitious and avaricious, but so are they. Plus, the men feel entitled to lie; in several instances, they cheat lower-class people such as inn hosts by claiming self-righteously that they are "gentlemen" and nobody must ever doubt the word of a gentleman.

I would be much less annoyed if the various adaptations did the source justice and presented the musketeers as morally ambivalent, as the liars, cheats and killers that they are, and did not make the Cardinal the big bad. His relationship with the musketeers is much more complex than that.

I would absolutely love it if there were an adaptation that treats Milady fairly in a way that the source did not. But seeing as there doesn't even seem to be any Milady-centric fanfic that does that, I will hope in vain.

There actually is a Russian adaptation that I watched as a child and that left a huge impression: the scene where Milady strangles Constance (who is married in the book and commits adultery) was pretty nightmarish.

Any thoughts, anyone? It's one of the stories that everyone in the Western world is familiar with, but I think the way we perceive the characters is very much influenced by the (Hollywood) adaptations, not so much by the novel itself.
It turns out, [ profile] hp_halloween, the Halloween-themed gift exchange, is quite a demanding fest: 70 double-drabbles, all posted on one day, ranging from fluffy rom-com to chilling horror tales... I have finally managed to read my way through this year's batch, and here are some of my favourites:

HP Halloween drabbles )

I wrote A Thinking Cap for [ profile] bonfoi, whose pairing requests included the Sorting Hat/Hogwarts Castle. How could I resist?

The moment I decided to give this pairing a go, I knew I would have to write it in verse form, because the Sorting Hat would sing his love to the Castle. So the challenge was to write a poem in exactly 200 words. And the amazing thing was: it worked. As I wrote what I thought was the rough draft, I fully expected I would have to do a lot of editing afterwards. However, it turned out I had hit the word count almost exactly on the first try - the draft had 199 words. All I had to do was change "mind-reading" to "mind reading", and I hit my target. I've no idea how that happened! It did please me immensely, I can tell you.
Over at [ profile] hp_halloween, the Harry Potter Halloween drabble exchange, posting has commenced. And I can't tell you how happy I am with my gift: [ profile] kellychambliss wrote the perfect Bellatrix, a connoisseur of death, traversing the realms of life and death, familiar with the secrets of the Veil. It's a haunting horror masterpiece in only 200 words: To and Fro
Dear fanfic writers,

Do you ever stumble across a piece of writing in your draft folder that you had completely forgotten and that amuses you when you discover it after all those years? I saw the other day that, back in 2006, I had written a Slobodan Milosevic*/Harry Potter crossover:

"Whatever happened to Slobodan Milosevic? Mystery crack

Milosevic is dead and on his way to larger-than-life martyrdom. There's nothing like being a criminal - alleged or convicted - and dying under mysterious circumstances to become a martyr. Rumour will have it that he's been poisoned by corrupt Dutch authorities. According to my latest information (radio, half an hour ago), his death was caused by anti-leprosy and anti-tuberculosis drugs which counteracted the effects of his heart medication. However, considering all facts, I can't help but see some parallels and notice some evidence that points firmly into a different direction. South-Eastern Europe? Connection to Kosovo-Albanians? A mother's untimely death? High-security prison? Where have I read all this before?

Let's have a look at this letter exchange:

July 1995

Dear Master-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named,

Contrary to all the rumours that might reach you, I have not resigned my strategic position by the side of H. P. because of the threats uttered against me by the escaped convict Black. I have resigned it, because rumours of much more worrying matter has finally made it to Hogwarts: apparently, the region in which you are currently residing is under attack. A maniac who thinks himself fit to challenge the Greatest Wizard of All Times (yourself, Master) is on the war path and attempts to destroy all and everything around him. Including yourself.

I know of course that such rumours are greatly exaggerated, but I have nevertheless decided that I would be of more use at your side than skulking around the Weasley boy's bed. I have therefore set off and am on my way.


P. Pettigrew

PS. I'm not sending this letter by owl but by wren, as in your present condition an owl might accidentally eat you.

a gust 1995

to: fithfl sssservnt in spe, baartmussss cruoch

havnig hard of ur latst misfortunessss, i hve deciedd to grant u the graet honor of freeng u frmo teh unwrthy cnditoin u hav ben ssssufffring undr. 4 furthr detials rfer to my obdinte sssrvant p.pttetigrw

ur master (exsss & in sssspe)

Lrd vald e mart

ps. plz x-cuse, hloding qill wehn disssmbodeid fuking hard. LOL!!!11

November 1995

Dear Barty,

I have received the order to inform you that your father is cracking under the strain put upon him by our beloved Master. He spends his evening hours sitting in what I have come to understand was your mother's favourite chair and reliving the story of your escape from Azkaban over and over again. Did you know your mother got the idea of impersonating you from an old school friend from Durmstrang? Apparently, that Mrs. Miloshevich (sp?) faked her own death by hanging, and spent the last 30 years alternately impersonating her son and whispering advice in his ear. It was she who infused him with such hatred against our Master. He has now sent out troops which roam the South-Easter-European forests and kill everything and everyone who looks "foreign" to them. How that Squib could have learned about our Master's whereabouts remains a mystery to me. But at least his trail is now cold. Mua ha ha!

Anyway, we decided it's for the best if your father took it easy from now on and are keeping him locked up in the basement.

Your friend and well-wisher,


*Serbian dictator and war criminal responsible for the Bosnian genocide during the Balkan war

I also drafted an idea for an obscure crossover challenge where I brought Emma Woodhouse and Eminem together. (Unsurprisingly, Eminem was introduced to Emma by Mr Frank Churchill. Mr Knightley was not pleased):

Snippet )

So, do you have any weird ficlets lying around that will never see the light of day? Do share!
Ever since the decline of the HP fandom, I have found it increasingly difficult to write fic in other fandoms - even if I happen to fall in love (or lust) with a source. This is partly due to the fact that I find it more difficult to write in TV fandoms than in book fandoms, and partly due to the fact that, compared with the HP fandom, other fandoms are so tame.

I have just quite accidentally wandered into the [ profile] hd_tropes comm, which stipulates that "all entries must be rated R or NC-17".

I love it. I'm not remotely interested in the exchange as such, but I love the fact that it's a fest that requires you to write porn. Other fandoms don't do that sort of thing that much. Every time I dip my toe into a new fandom, I feel such a deviant, because, well, there aren't many explicit fics around. Which is sad.

Right now, for example, I would like to try my hand at writing Lord Peter Wimsey fic. But there isn't any porn there, and I feel inappropriate. I mean, Lord Peter has canonically slept with a lot of people - and he is great in bed, which is actually explicitely stated in the books (admittedly, it is he who does the stating). And yet, there is no porn. And hardly any slash, either - despite the incredible h/c potential of the Peter/Bunter pairing.

In conclusion: I wish there was more porn. That's what I joined fandom for. That, and fangirling.
So, the posting challenge that has been going around has finally inspired me to make a post with fannish contents. This makes me very proud (I'm easily pleased).

Over a month ago, I finally read JK Rowling's The Casual Vacancy. (I actually wanted to make a post about it straightaway, but... yeah.)

How had nobody pointed out to me how good it is? I loved it, deeply and passionately. It is precisely my kind of book. Despite my love for the Discworld novels and Harry Potter, I have never considered myself a fan of the fantasy genre. I like novels in which nothing of any earth-shattering relevance happens, that dissect the lives of ordinary people, provide a social commentary of close-knit (and narrow-minded) communities, where everybody is self-righteous and prejudiced and in some way or another a horrible human being. I started reading The Casual Vacancy with no expectations whatsoever, tore through it in the space of three days, and then listened to the audiobook that for some miraculous reason is available on YouTube. It's probably my favourite of all the books that I've read this year (50+). (The runner-up would be World War Z, which is the exact opposite, genre-wise.) I am very much looking forward to the BBC adaptation, because if done right, it has the potential to be absolutely fabulous.

The month of August has so far been dedicated to reading Dorothy L. Sayers' Lord Peter Wimsey novels. I've never read them before and thought it's about time to rectify this.

How has there been no adaptation lately? They adapt just about anything, and surely, Lord Peter Wimsey has all the necessary ingredients to appeal to today's audiences: a mind-blowingly attractive* detective who is also an aristocrat, an athlete and a scholar, has an angsty past and a vaguely homoerotic relationship with his gentleman's gentleman. The Lord Peter/Bunter hurt/comfort scenes alone would bring fandom to its knees.

Plus, they could cast David Tennant, if he can do the posh accent.

*Dorothy Sayers goes out of her way to point out that he had "no pretentions to good looks", but we know how well that works out, don't we, Professor Snape?
The linden trees in front of my house are in full bloom, and all I can think of is this:

*I can't bring myself to spell it "cum". I wonder how Mitchell and Webb spell it?
This icon has never been so appropriate.

The immensely prolific [ profile] bethbethbeth ran the [ profile] disc_fest, and I did art. And Art.

Artist: [ profile] donnaimmaculata
Title: Gytha and Giamo with an Orangutan
Characters and/or Pairing(s): Gytha Ogg/Giamo Casanunda
Rating: R
Medium: Watercolours
Possible warnings and/or enticements: Full-frontal nudity. Human/Dwarf pairing. With bonus Greebo, Librarian and a massive Johnson.
Summary: Nanny and Casanunda's second date goes as might have been expected. By him, anyway.
Artist's Notes: Answer to prompt # 10. Art of Nanny Ogg and/or Perdita, in a style inspired by (or parodying) Titian. More specifically, it's a parody of this painting: Venus and Cupid with an Organist. You might well wonder what the Librarian is doing interfering in such an intimate scene, but then - what is the organist doing in the original?

For the Audience's convenience, I created two version: One is bog-standard art.

The other is Art and hence SFW:

See bigger pictures here )
The HP Beholder reveals are up. This year, I did Art.

I've never done art before. Whilst drawing for the Beholder, I did idly wonder why I never have done art before, and then it hit me: When I first joined fandom, my fannish tastes were very much slash-oriented. And while I enjoy writing slash, I don't particularly like drawing men. It's funny, I've never really realised it before: drawing women is so much more enjoyable than drawing men. And so I guess it never occurred to me to create fanart to begin with. As I was branching out in my fannish interests and started to focus on rare pairings, I somehow never thought of drawing them, because by that time I saw myself as a writer

And then I decided to create art for the HP Beholder, and I enjoyed it so much, I will have to take up drawing again.

For now, here are Merope Gaunt and Tom Riddle.

Title: "Triptych: Seduction - Vows - Conception"
Recipient: Albalark
Artist: Donna Immaculata
Rating: NC-17
Pairings: Merope Gaunt/Tom Riddle
Medium: Pencil, crayon, watercolours and charcoal on paper; collage
Warnings: None
Summary: Merope takes matters into her own hands.
Notes: Albalark had said she liked hopeful endings. This is as hopeful as it gets for Merope, I feel.

Seduction Vows Conception )

I always knew that I would try to make it look period-appropriate. My initial idea was to create a surrealistic collage in the style of Max Ernst's Une Semaine de Bonté, but it was surprisingly difficult to find good backgrounds. Eventually I decided to use slightly kitschy art nouveau motifs as frames and create a collage against textured, coloured backgrounds. I was dead-set on collage to make the characters look disconnected - from each other and from the world around them. Also, I could try out different backgrounds and frames without having to draw the characters from scratch every time.

Merope in the Seduction piece was the first character I drew. I spent an insane amount of time on her and still have preliminary sketches lying around. Poor Tom, I fear, never got as much attention as she did. In the first picture, I still managed to put reasonable effort into creating some details, such as his posture and the cigarette, but you can see how I can't be bothered with male characters: in the second pic, he is a grey block, and in the third one, he his mostly hidden behind Merope.

Despite the fact that Tom looks stiff and unnatural in the Vows piece, I am reasonably pleased with it, because by that time he isn't himself anymore. He is an object that Merope uses. They never interact, not once, not even when they're physically close.

So. This, in short, is the rationale behind the pictures. Oh, I should probably add that drawing and water colours are the only techniques I am familiar with. I wouldn't know how to create art digitally if my life depended on it.
This is going to be used for one purpose only, and it's got nothing to do with speaking:

Isn't this the scariest thing you've ever seen?
In fannish news, shiny new fandom is still shiny. I wrote six Hornblower fics since October. This makes it officially my second most proficient fandom after Harry Potter.

Apparently, all it took to get me hooked were pretty navyboys

Image Hosted by
exchanging soul-searching looks

Image Hosted by
and being angsty.

And so there's more navyboy porn:

TITLE: Fearless
AUTHOR: Donna Immaculata
PAIRING: Horatio/Archie
DISCLAIMER: These are not my characters. I just take them out to play.
SUMMARY: The morning after; Archie angsts and Horatio is speechless.
NOTES: For [ profile] eglantine_br, who asked for a “second-time” fic. Consider it a birthday present. I didn’t know it was your birthday today until I saw [ profile] anteros_lmc’s post, but I have planned to post it today anyway and am now very pleased with my timing.

In other seafaring news: I watched Treasure Island with a couple of friends last week, and we had a blast. I can't say whether it's a good show, but it's got Eddie Izzard as a very charismatic Long John Silver - and that's all it takes to make me happy.

Image Hosted by

There's also some serious costume porn going on, Frodo goes mad and Gene Hunt is as masterful as ever.

Treasure Island is costume porn. )

And after we had watched Treasure Island, one of my co-watchers outed herself as a fan of Age of Sail kind of movies. And so I told them about that one show I watched, with ships and battles and naval officers, and if all goes well, we'll be watching Hornblower together one of these days. They will totally pick up on the slash vibes. It will be brilliant.

This post has been brought to you by my period drama fetish that I discussed at length before.
TITLE: Grounded
AUTHOR: Donna Immaculata
RATING: NC-17 for boyloving
PAIRING: Horatio/Archie
DISCLAIMER: These are not my characters. I just take them out to play.
SUMMARY: After the fiasco that was The Wrong War, Horatio feels like he has failed everyone. Archie helps.
NOTES: Porn. And angst. Porn and angst. In fact, an exploration of how many different angst factors can be crammed into one fic. I had all the porny bits written up for days when I tried to fill in the gaps with a semblance of plot, and I somehow went overboard on the angst. Also, hurt/comfort.

Set after The Frogs and Lobsters.

Sequel to Breathless

To my great surprise, I've finally managed to write more fic. I'm sure all those of you who have written several pieces for Yuletide alone are very impressed.

TITLE: Breathless
AUTHOR: Donna Immaculata
PAIRING: Horatio/Archie
DISCLAIMER: These are not my characters. I just take them out to play.
SUMMARY: Horatio and Archie are back in their cell in El Ferrol and talk about girls. Touching ensues.
NOTES: One line is lifted straight from Lucy Maud Montgomery, because it's fitting and beautiful.


And in other fandom news, I have managed to get myself an Archive of our Own account. So yay.
I watched Master and Commander with a couple of friends last night.

Why has nobody told me Bryan Dick and David Threlfall are in it?! The way people talk about it, I've always thought Russell Crowe and Paul Bettany were the only two people in this film. But far from it! Everybody is in it. Sadly, I couldn't share my joy at recognising the faces with anyone, because I watched it with people who know nothing about British actors. I missed N.; watching films with N. is fabulous and usually goes something like this:

N: "Oh, look, it's that bloke, I always forget his name... the fake Mr. Darcy."
Donna: "Oh, yeah... he's married to that woman I don't like."*

N: "Hold on, didn't that one play a priest once?"
Donna: "Not quite. That's the evil brother from Tom Jones!"**

N: "That's Lydia Bennet's dad from Cranford!"
Donna: "And the Jew whom Georgianna wouldn't marry."***

We would have had a ball with Master and Commander. Especially since N. has watched Shameless recently, and David Threlfall (Killick) was my favourite.

*Matthew Macfadyen
**James D'arcy
***Jim Carter
female love-juice which tasted like a raw egg

female love-juice which tasted like a raw egg

I'm reading Victorian Third Republic porn.

How is it Friday again? I've spent the last two weeks alternating between being very busy (work, friends and wine) and being very lazy (um, more wine). Yesterday, I had a sofa day and, exhausted from the sheer effort of it, I fell asleep in the afternoon, without even bothering to move away the book I was reading (Snuff). I have never fallen asleep on a book before.

I have also been indulging my current Jamie Bamber obsession and watching Battlestar Galactica.

First, the important question: What is Dumbledore doing in the Quorum of Twelve?

Seriously, what? And is there fic?

Apart from that, I am bored. Halfway in into the second season, and not one of the characters has managed to grip me. Not one. I kinda like Boomer. I am watching it solely for Jamie Bamber (not Lee Adama) whom I have come to like a lot as long as he doesn't take his clothes off. I don't like the pumped-up muscles look at all, but he does have a good face; it's so expressive. I could watch a show with Jamie Bamber reacting to stuff other people say and not get bored.

A friend of mine gave me the DVDs and the advice to stop watching it after the second season. He loved seasons 1+2 (I don't), considering them some of the best science fiction television ever, but the ending made him furious, what with it being All About God (so he says, I haven't seen the ending yet). He instantly tried to flog his entire BG collection on eBay but couldn't find a buyer due to the adult rating (apparently).

I was annoyed about it being All About God as early as the second episode. Had I not spoiled myself, I could have fooled myself into thinking that the whole prophecy and salvation thing is a red herring and that the show is more nihilistic than that. But as it is, it's All About God and the military - two of my least favourite concepts. Plus, I still don't understand why they censored "fuck". The word they use in its stead is used exactly like "fuck", it sounds similar to "fuck" and everyone knows what it's supposed to mean. What's the point? It annoys me more than it rightfully should.

And Commander Adama and the President have two of the most annoying voices/speech patterns I've ever heard.

My love for Jamie Bamber must be very strong indeed, considering I'm still watching. Most of the time, though, I'm not actively annoyed. Just mildly bored. But I usually do something useful whilst watching, like ironing or working out, so it's not a complete waste of time.

I have also watched the first four or five episodes of the second season of Downton Abbey. I watched it with my friend N., who, like myself, likes that sort of stuff. And guess what? We were so bored. And annoyed. "Oh dear god, not the being-oh-so-understanding thing again!" N. would exclaim in anguish over and over again. "This is even worse than the first season," as she summed up the watching experience.

So, yeah, successful television experience all round. Luckily, my friend Colin is coming over tonight to catch a break from his parental leave that drives him round the bend. He's bringing wine, so we will get drunk and talk about the good old days of sex, drugs and rock'n'roll.

Is this the most optimistic and upbeat post on your flist today? Y/Y
Does Archive of our Own cencor explicit language? Because I've just tried to read two fics and was thrown out of the story* by the repeated and highly inappropriate use of the word "frak". I feel dirty and violated.

*uh, "story"



September 2014



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