Title: Ars Moriendi
Author: Donna Immaculata
Rating: Mature for disturbing themes
Characters: Aramis, Athos, Porthos, d'Artagnan
Status: WIP
Word count: 3285 for chapter 1
Summary: In the wake of Marsac's burial, Aramis doesn't sleep.
Notes: Inspired by the idea I’ve seen pop up in several places that Marsac would come back as a zombie, as evidenced by Aramis leaving the sword stuck in his grave for him. Despite the silly-sounding premise, this is not a crack fic - quite the contrary, actually.
Inspired by The Dying of the Light by Cunien

Ars Moriendi on AO3

Well, at least it's not porn this time. It's angst and horror instead, which I inflict on Aramis because I love him.

intense stare
Pictured: not a happy bunny
So does anyone remember, back in the days when one was getting into the Harry Potter fandom and thought, naively, that all one would do would be reading some nice fics and perhaps writing some sweet Sirius/Remus, certainly none of that weird kinky stuff, thankyouverymuch, and then, six or twelve months later, one would find oneself at the PC (it was the dark ages) at 3am writing Hagrid/Giant Squid porn?

Yeah, that's kinda how I feel now.

I have not intended to get sucked into a new fandom, certainly not one where the main attraction of the source material is the hawtness of one of the leads, but here I am, writing The Musketeers porn like there's no tomorrow. How did that happen? I didn't even enjoy the show all that much.

And as if that wasn't enough, I am also being sucked into the Tumblr fraction of the fandom even as we speak, because I got a Tumblr two weeks ago (as donnaimmaculata, because that's my fannish identity and I stick with it) to look at pretty pictures, and have already been forced to get involved. Give me two more days, and I'll be reblogging Aramis gifs.

Because this is Aramis:
They used all the cheapest tricks in the book to make him alluring. I see through these tricks with my hands tied behind my back, and yet they don't bother me. At all.

And so he gets all the porn. And the latest piece of porn is one of my most porniest yet. It is actually a character study, really, it is. A character study through the medium of porn.

Title: The Foe in Sight
Author: Donna Immaculata
Fandom: The Musketeers
Rating: Explicit/NC-17
Threesome M/F/F: Aramis/Milady/Ninon de Larroque
Word count: 6111
Summary: Ninon takes what she desires, Madame de la Chapelle reveals hidden depths and Aramis is loving every second of it.

The Foe In Sight on AO3

*using the Pope icon because of facepalming*
So, I gave in and got myself a Tumblr. I'm donnaimmaculata there as well, because this is my preferred fannish identity on the Internets. Any of you available to be followed? I'm not sure if I will use the account actively, but I'd like to be able to look at pretty pictures. Oh, and if anyone has any tips as to tumblrs that one should follow, let me know.

Also, I wrote fic again. Doctor Who (because Ten is hot) and The Musketeers (because Aramis is hot). Yep, these are my fic-writing standards.

Title: the boy without a name was silent
Author: Donna Immaculata
Fandom: Doctor Who
Prompt: #14 - Author, in the Sanatorium, with an umbrella, in a mobile library
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Jack/Tenth Doctor
Word count: 500
Spoilers/warnings: none
Summary: All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. Told in five drabbles of 100 words each.
Notes: Title taken from Michael Ende’s Neverending Story. Many thanks to L. for the beta!

the boy without a name was silent on [livejournal.com profile] wintercompanion

Title: A Good Soldier
Author: Donna Immaculata
Fandom: The Musketeers
Rating: NC-17/Explicit
Pairing: Aramis/Tréville
Word count: 4448
Spoilers: for episode 4
Summary/Notes: Written as answer to deacertes' prompt: I have this idea that Aramis doesn't really know what to do with himself after laying Marsac to rest. He trudges around in the rain for hours before finding himself back in Treville's office staring at the bloodstains on the floor. Which is where Treville finds him... I like my Treville toppy and caring

The thing got bloody long, because they just wouldn't stop angsting. But I managed to make them do sex in the end.

A Good Soldier on AO3

And just to reiterate: This is the sole reason I'm writing in The Musketeers fandom at all:

Ah, fuck it. Here I am, happily posting fills for the bbcmusketeers kinkmeme anonymously, because it's more fun that way, and then I realise that I can't figure out how to post the next chapter in an anonymously posted work anonymously. And so I'm forced to reveal my name.

I'm currently amusing myself writing The Musketeers fics, and they're all Aramis-centric, because Aramis is the only reason I watched that show. He is very, very hot. I don’t care about any of the other characters (well, the King is deeply amusing), and I don’t care about the actor who plays Aramis or him in any other roles, but Aramis? I totally would, 17th century washing habits, syphilis and all.

Well, I’d give him a bath first and explain latex condoms, but then I would. Totally.


Title: Only Fools Rush In
Author: Donna Immaculata
Rating: Explicit
Pairing: Aramis/d'Artagnan
Word count: 4516
Warnings: PWP, but a fluffy one
Summary: D'Artagnan considers himself pretty well experienced for his age. But then Aramis happens along, and it blows his mind.
Notes: Written for the kinkmeme, for the following prompt:

D'Artagnan considers himself pretty well experienced for his age, he's slept with a whole three people and one of them was a married woman (one was also an assassin but w/e he didn't know that at the time).

Except then he somehow ends up sleeping with Aramis (casual offer? part of OT4? love confession? Your call), and it blows his mind. It isn't just that Aramis knows how to do things that d'Artagnan hasn't even heard of, he's so assured and thorough and communicative and really, really dedicated to finding out exactly what works for his partner.

I just want d'Artagnan completely out of his mind with pleasure, and Aramis delighted at how responsive and appreciative he is.

Only Fools Rush In on AO3

Title: Four Times Aramis Flinched (And One Time He Didn't)
Author: Donna Immaculata
Rating: Mature
Characters: Aramis, Porthos, Marsac (more to come)
Word count:
Warnings: Angst, PTSD
Chapter 1: Wherein Porthos and Aramis track down a man by order of the King.
Chapter 2: Wherein Marsac falls victim to a pagan god.
Chapter 3: Wherein Aramis conducts a lady to safety.
Chapter 4: Wherein Athos, Porthos and Aramis are having a gay old time.
Chapter 5: Wherein Milady entertains a gentleman caller.

Notes: Written for the kinkmeme, for the prompts five times Aramis flinches

Four Times Aramis Flinched (And One Time He Didn't) on AO3

There's, um, one more fic, but it's disturbed me so much that I'm keeping it anonymous for a while longer. Perhaps one day I will reveal that it's sprung from my clearly diseased brain.

So, I've been wondering: is it worth getting a Tumblr account? Is that where fandom is taking place these days and where everyone has wandered off to? It's time to admit I'm totally out of the loop.

On plus side: I've managed to write fic in a new fandom. I'm not getting too excited about it, because I know myself and know that it won't last, but for the time being I'm indulging in a very nostalgic sort of crush:

He does look very lickable, doesn't he?

Look, I don't think that The Musketeers is a brilliant show. In fact, I got bored halfway through and stopped watching - stunning visuals notwithstanding - but then I gave it a chance, watched it all in a marathon session and decided to revive a crush from 30 years ago, when Aramis used to look like this:

old school

Yeah, the new version is better. My ten-year-old self is weeping for the missed chance. Seriously, my ten-year-old self would so have loved to have had the new revamped Aramis to perv over. He has been specifically designed to appeal to my ten-year-old self's (and teenage self's) aesthetic requirements. And while my present-day self appreciates the visuals, it is not entirely overwhelmed by them. It's too sad.

But that didn't stop me from writing porn for him. And angst. Well, the angst is Marsac's, because Marsac is The Musketeers' verse's Sirius Black (which makes Aramis Remus Lupin, which explains a lot).

Title: Dance Macabre
Author: Donna Immaculata
Rating: Mature
Pairing: Aramis/Marsac
Word count: 4718
Warnings: Angst, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Hand Jobs, Mutual Masturbation, PTSD, Miscommunication, Catholic Guilt, Death Wish
Summary: Meeting Aramis again after all those years sparks something within him back to life.
Spoilers: For episode 4 - The Good Soldier

Dance Macabre on AO3
So I watched Stephen Moffat and Mark Gatiss' Sherlock - an adaptation of Sherlock Holmes set in modern-day London. I think I'm going to like it. It's indefinitely better than the rather horrible film with Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law, and I like how they've restrained themselves from making cheap post-modern references regarding Sherlock Holmes as a cultural item (yet).

I've been very curious about Benedict Cumberbatch, because I haven't had a strong impression of him yet, apart from the fact that I like the voice. Despite the fact that he plays an annoying character, I did not find him annoying. He'll do nicely.

However, I am getting sick of that "brilliant, yet damaged & disturbed genius solves crime, because the (rest of the) police are too thick to do it" genre. (House MD falls in the same category, despite not being a police drama. And, in a way, so does Doctor Who. I pray for some character to show up who's not either impressed or riled by them. "Oh, there goes the twitchy guy who likes to hear himself talk a lot," I hope someone would shrug. "Just ignore him so that he goes away." That would not make for good drama, but it would make me happy.)

itv's Identity is yet another such police drama featuring a damaged & disturbed expert (special interests: identity fraud) who does not work well with a team, but whom they need because he's a genius in his own field. Unlike Sherlock, the production is really quite bad, but I am watching it, because the resident mad genius is played by Aidan Gillen, who is utterly delicious. Dear god, is that man ageing well! I've always had a crush on his Stuart Alan Jones from Queer as Folk (UK), but haven't seen much of him since, and now I am utterly smitten. Smitten!

He does that lounging pose rather well )
< / profound television critique >
So I've just been idly toying with the idea of doing the "Which fictional characters would you shag" meme, because fictional crushes are what my online life is all about, but then: First, I don't know most of the characters on the list and can't be arsed to html-strike them all. And second, when I started to actually consider the characters that I would shag; I realised that I... wouldn't. Not unless I were a Mary Sue.

Clearly, I've given it too much thought, but I am thorough like that: Captain Jack Sparrow? Pretty, yes, and wicked, and it's Johnny Depp and all. But he suffers from the Lord of the Rings syndrome of being Unwashed. (In LotR fics I couldn't get past the fact that they have been wandering around in their armour for months and months without washing. How can Aragorn/Boromir slash even work? They are filthy! Would you want to have anything to do with a penis that hasn't seen any water and soap in ages?)

So no, unless I were a Mary Sue and Captain Jack Sparrow a Mary-Sue fic protagonist ("His hair is not greasy, it's silky!"), I would not touch him with a ten-foot pole. I've been sat next to the Unwashed on the bus, thankyouverymuch.

Then there are the ever-popular vampires. I still fail to see the appeal of vampires. Call me a speciest, but they're dead. Okay, so I find Blood Ties' Henry Fitzroy and Being Human's Mitchell delightfully charming indeed, but they are dead. Henry would not fall asleep after sex. He would, for all intents and purposes, die. Okay, so he'd revive 12 hours later, but I don't see myself coping all that well with a man who falls dead when the night is over. Mitchell might not die, but he'd kill me and drink my blood. Oh, he'd feel bad about it afterwards, I'm sure, but a man who first hurts you and then feels bad about it - is that the way to go? I'm not quite so much into disfunctional relationships. Also, he's got cold skin, no pulse and no heartbeat. Would he sweat? Would he come? (As in: is there sperm?) If not, count me out. (Clearly too much thought. But, y'know, thorough.) Is that issue ever addressed in vampire porn fics?

Remus Lupin. Ah, Remus. I did love him madly. But again, the different species thing is a bit of a problem. I happily give him a fabulous sex life with other HP and non-HP characters, but, unless I develop Mary-Sue-sque qualities, I'd rather stay away from shagging a man who turns into a wolf every few weeks. Same applies to Sirius Black. It'd freak me out to know that he might turn into a dog any moment. Of course, there's always the option that they would lie to me by omission and never share their furry little secrets with me. Yes, that would actually work...

The Doctor (Ten, obvsly)? Delightful, but immortal and has two hearts. I couldn't cope with a second hearbeat just as I couldn't cope with the lack of a heartbeat. Plus, a bit of a wanker.

Okay, so the immortals are out. I can't even cope all that well with a man whose thighs are thinner than mine - how should I be able to cope with one who will maintain his physical perfection forever and ever, taunting me with it mercilessly?

Mr. Darcy. Presumably, he'd expect me to be a virgin or a whore. I can do neither. Disappointment on both sides is inevitable.

Then the list includes a wide array of yer olde "brilliant, yet socially and romantically inept" guys. Gregory House? Run away! Jonathan Creek? His neuroses would kill me dead even quicker than Mitchell would. Psychopaths like Patrick Batemen and the Joker are out, because I actually quite like to live.

In conclusion: The only fictional character I would actually have sex with if I were me and he were himself and no Mary-Sueing occured on either side is Northanger Abbey's Henry Tilney, who isn't even on the list.

This is the list, BTW )
I should be writing my HP Beholder fic, but the muses aren’t cooperating (someone poke me with a pointy stick), and so I decided to make a picspam instead that is most relevant to my interests.

So. This picspam is brought to you by the fact that I watched Being Human last week and then checked out Desperate Romantics and, despite not being sold on either, I am so sold on Aidan Turner. He is much better than the shows he appears in. (A trait that he shares with Richard Armitage, who has the most lamentable taste in scripts. Oh, the crap I’ve waded through to catch a glimpse of teh Armitage’s bare abs!) But he is young and there’s still hope.

Moreover, [livejournal.com profile] suzanne_taylor and I reminisced about our television viewing habits in the 1980s/1990s, and the name “Remington Steele” might just have been mentioned. Come to think of it, the mentioning might have been done by me.

Anyway. There is a strong theme there that is worth being illustrated: throughout the ages, I have always shown a strong preference for tall, dark-haired, skinny men (and women, too), and this is what this picspam is all about.

Let’s start with Remington Steele.

Remington Steele )

Agent Cooper )

Would you believe that I’ve never seen Twin Peaks? When it was running back then, in the 90s, I didn’t realise until the third or fourth week that it was worth watching, and then it was too late to join in, because I had missed the beginning. I wanted to watch it entirely unspoiled, starting with the first episode. I’ve had it on DVD for ages now, but, somehow, other, ah, interests always get in the way.

Lara Flynn Boyle )

Linda Fiorentino )

Michelle Gomez )

Johnny Depp )

Keanu Reeves )

Okay, fast-forward a decade or so. Suddenly, there was David Tennant.

David Tennant )

Then there’s Richard Armitage. I’m very conflicted.

Richard Armitage )

Let’s talk about Jane Austen for a moment here. Her heroes don’t really do it for me, but her villains do. And I can’t forgive the BBC for the horrible casting of Mr Wickham in the otherwise excellent miniseries.

Tom Riley )

Ben Barnes )

Rick Mora )

And finally, the man who inspired this whole post.

Aidan Turner )

Next time, I might talk about my love for red hair and freckles. Pictorial evidence including Ewan McGregor and Julianne Moore.
Has anyone ever read Jules Verne? When I was about 10 years old, I discovered In Search of the Castaways and The Mysterious Island, and they became two of the most beloved re-reads of my childhood. Oh, the adventures I had!

Now, more than 20 years later, I am refreshing my acquaintance with the Castaways. And lo and behold! I'm still crushing on Major McNabbs like crazy.

When I started the re-read, I vaguely remembered that he used to be my favourite character, but I didn't remember why. And then the character is introduced:

To complete the roll of passengers, we must name Major McNabbs. The Major was about fifty years of age, with a calm face and regular features - a man who did whatever he was told, of an excellent, indeed, a perfect temper; modest, silent, peaceable, and amiable, agreeing with everybody on every subject, never discussing, never disputing, never getting angry.
He wouldn't move a step quicker, or slower, whether he walked upstairs to bed or mounted a breach. Nothing could excite him, nothing could disturb him, not even a cannon ball, and no doubt he will die without ever having known even a passing feeling of irritation.

This man was endowed in an eminent degree, not only with ordinary animal courage, that physical bravery of the battle-field, which is solely due to muscular energy, but he had what is far nobler - moral courage, firmness of soul. If he had any fault it was his being so intensely Scotch from top to toe, a Caledonian of the Caledonians, an obstinate stickler for all the ancient customs of his country. This was the reason he would never serve in England, and he gained his rank of Major in the 42nd regiment, the Highland Black Watch, composed entirely of Scotch noblemen.

Really? I thought. A man who agrees with everybody, never disputing? I used to like that? I must have been very young.

And then the story unfolds, and the Major is fabulous. He's got a sense of humour! He's snarky! He's perfectly in control - of himself and of the situation! He is teh smart! <3

There's something quite Remus-y about him, actually; he's non-confrontational - never argues etc. - and yet he springs into action, level-headedly and efficiently, whenever necessary.

Plus, he's Scottish. And, as I have recently realised, I like Scots

And OMG, he should totally be played by Peter Capaldi!
The two items in the subject line are unrelated. But: I've finally watched HBP and have remained quite unimpressed. So unimpressed, in fact, that all I've got to say doesn't even merit a spoiler cut: Tom Felton looked as though he came from a different - and much better - film, which would have been much more interesting to watch. The rest? A random sequence of scenes that didn't make much sense to anyone who hasn't read the books* and that the film makers apparently wanted to see on screen.

I have also watched "Torchwood - Children of Earth" and was rather more impressed. So this is what Torchwood could have been like from the very start, had they focused on thrill and drama rather than on fooling around with silly CGI monsters and innuendo in every other episode. Also, I crushed mightily on John Frobisher from start to finish, and since I already crushed on the actor in "In the Loop", I've got to seriously wonder where my weird Scots fetish comes from: David Tennant, James McAvoy, Ewan McGregor are all a given, and now there's also Peter Capaldi; and of course the ladies: Michelle Gomez, the ever-fabulous Kelly Macdonald, and, as I've recently watched "This Life", the just as fabulous Daniela Nardini. It's not primarily the accent, because I was indifferent to the Scottish accent until I started to realise that, whenever a Scot is part of the cast, he or she soon becomes my favourite character. Hmm...

*I saw the film with a friend who read the book when it was released, but she's so not a fan that she didn't even remember who the Half-Blood Prince was, so she served as my point of reference.
Seeing as a big part of my data (shows! films!) might be lost, I need something to cheer self up. Fortunately, I made some caps before my disk died, which I can now use to discuss a deeply disturbing fetish:

Anyone who's followed this LJ for a little while might have noticed that I use it primary to talk about my crushes on fictional characters. And apparently, in many instances what gets me crushing is period clothing. - Give the man a cravat and boots, and I'm his.

Case in point )
In the course of my huge ongoing watching-TV-series-I-should-have-watched-long-ago programme, I have finally arrived at House, MD. I started with the 3rd season and have then moved on to the 1st season (the 2nd season is a bit tricky as it's apparently not out on DVD yet where I live, and so I have to decide whether to order it for a lot of money or to wait for the release or to, um, find other ways to get my hands on it, but I digress), and then I went online to read up what fandom thinks about it. And you know what? I was surprised that Chase (whom I like a lot) is generelly considered a whimp and House's bitch. My perception of him, taken strictly from what I saw in canon, was quite different. This got me thinking, and it got me thinking about a very similar thing happening after I went online to read up on the fandom's view on Harry Potter, where I discovered that Remus (whom I like a lot) was generally considered a whimp and Sirius' bitch. I was quite surprised then.

Anyway. My mind works in mysterious ways and is has come to the conclusion that Dr. Chase = my HouseMD!Remus. Or vice versa. Whatever.

And this is how it works. )

Teh Pretty

Jan. 9th, 2007 08:21 pm
Top 10 Celebrity Crush Meme (Gacked from [livejournal.com profile] badonkatonks)

[1] - List your top 10 celebrity crushes.
[2] - Put all of them IN ORDER of your lust for them. (10 to 1, 1 being my number one fixation)
[3] - Say which movie/show/thing it was that hooked you.
[4] - Supply photos for said people.
[5] - Tag five people!

My celebrity crushes come and go, what with me being volatile like a hormonal teenager, but I managed to settle on ten in the end. And as I couldn't make my mind up as to which pictures to use, I decided to go for the NakedWetSlutty ones. Just because. )

This took for-bloody-ever. I'm not bothered about tagging anyone, but if you like to share your obsessions, by all means, please do!
So, I've been fandom-hopping lately, never staying long enough to get involved with a new fandom and only checking them out superficially. And so I don't have much to say with profound fannish contents and instead I've made some screencaps. They are brought to you by a realisation that had dawned after I've been watching Life on Mars. A trend has been developing that is as unexpected as it is alarming: I realised that I found Gene Hunt quite irresistible. - An, to use Sam's famous quote, "overweight, over-the-hill, nicotine-stained, borderline alcoholic homophobe with a superiority complex and an unhealthy obsession with male bonding" - and that despite the fact that I've always thought I like the skinny, fragile artsy types. And then I realised that it had happened before, when I was watching Blackpool, where the sleazy, sexist homophobe Ripley Holden quite managed to charm me. It wasn't much of a stretch to draw the parallels, and to illustrate my point, I've made screencaps of the relevant scenes. The post is quite picture-heavy (30+), but it's got some nakedness and chest-touching as redeeming features.

Meet the crime-citizen interface consultants )
Meme, gacked from flist:

List five fictional people -- from television, movies, books, whatever -- that you had a crush on as a child (or early teens). Then post this on your LiveJournal so other people can be assured that you're as weird as they thought.

I started doing this meme and then realised that limiting myself to five characters is not possible. I don't remember a time when I didn't have a crush or two (or three) on some character or other. Hence, I give you five book and five TV/movie crushes: )

And on a similar note (and because I don't want memes to be the only thing that appear on my LJ these days), I want to take the opportunity to talk about another major crush, which is so obvious that I didn't include it in the list.

[livejournal.com profile] neotoma asked about how authors would cope with writing Remus seeing as his character is largely defined by inaction and that his passivity gets in the way of action while trying to write a fic.

I, obviously, like to write Remus. I did have problems writing him when I started up as a HP writer, but now I've found my Remus and enjoy this character immensely, because his passive-aggression is a source of great amusement to me. Here's why )
Taken from [livejournal.com profile] ficbymarks who had it from [livejournal.com profile] florahart, who reports the rules are: bold if you'd have sex with them, italics only if someone paid you, strikethrough if you're squicked (EW EW EW! reactions), and nothing if you either don't know who the person is or you have no opinion. Once you're done, add three of your own.

Behold the number of people I do not fancy at all. )
Last week, it took my fancy to read Lucy Maud Montgomery's "Emily" series. I've never really been into the series as a child and have never owned and read the first book, so I hunted it down on the Internet. And then I met Dean Priest.

She heard him say, "My God!" softly to himself. [...] "How can I help you?" said Dean Priest hoarsely, as if to himself. "I cannot reach you--and it looks as if the slightest touch or jar would send that broken earth over the brink. I must go for a rope-- and to leave you here alone--like this. Can you wait, child?"

And then:

Emily knew he had been to college, that he was thirty-six years old--which to Emily seemed a venerable age--and well-off; that he had a malformed shoulder and limped slightly; that he cared for nothing save books nor ever had; that he lived with an older brother and travelled a great deal; and that the whole Priest clan stood somewhat in awe of his ironic tongue. Aunt Nancy had called him a "cynic." Emily did not know what a cynic was but it sounded interesting. She looked him over carefully and saw that he had delicate, pale features and tawny-brown hair. His lips were thin and sensitive, with a whimsical curve. She liked his mouth. Had she been older she would have known why--because it connoted strength and tenderness and humour.

Here, I had to stop reading and drink some cold water. Now, apart from the fact that I've got this insane thin-lips fetish (I'm probably the only person in the fandom who gets actually turned on by Snape's thin lips - instead of ignoring them bravely or explaining them away as being rather pouty, really, once one gets a better look at them. I rather ignore fandom!Sirius' lips being described as "full" and "girly" and - ew! - pink and - ewww! - fleshy.) - who could resist the connotation of "strength and tenderness and humour"?

But within a few paragraphs only, I fell out of love as quickly as I had fallen in. There are some things I do find disturbing, especially when they are voiced in passing and matter-of-factly. Then again, that's probably just me.

Behind the cut, Donna rambles randomly about pedophilia, respect, literary crushes and Snarry vs. Snack, but doesn't talk about men's lips as much as she intended to. )



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