Dear fanfic writers,

Do you ever stumble across a piece of writing in your draft folder that you had completely forgotten and that amuses you when you discover it after all those years? I saw the other day that, back in 2006, I had written a Slobodan Milosevic*/Harry Potter crossover:

"Whatever happened to Slobodan Milosevic? Mystery crack

Milosevic is dead and on his way to larger-than-life martyrdom. There's nothing like being a criminal - alleged or convicted - and dying under mysterious circumstances to become a martyr. Rumour will have it that he's been poisoned by corrupt Dutch authorities. According to my latest information (radio, half an hour ago), his death was caused by anti-leprosy and anti-tuberculosis drugs which counteracted the effects of his heart medication. However, considering all facts, I can't help but see some parallels and notice some evidence that points firmly into a different direction. South-Eastern Europe? Connection to Kosovo-Albanians? A mother's untimely death? High-security prison? Where have I read all this before?

Let's have a look at this letter exchange:

July 1995

Dear Master-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named,

Contrary to all the rumours that might reach you, I have not resigned my strategic position by the side of H. P. because of the threats uttered against me by the escaped convict Black. I have resigned it, because rumours of much more worrying matter has finally made it to Hogwarts: apparently, the region in which you are currently residing is under attack. A maniac who thinks himself fit to challenge the Greatest Wizard of All Times (yourself, Master) is on the war path and attempts to destroy all and everything around him. Including yourself.

I know of course that such rumours are greatly exaggerated, but I have nevertheless decided that I would be of more use at your side than skulking around the Weasley boy's bed. I have therefore set off and am on my way.


P. Pettigrew

PS. I'm not sending this letter by owl but by wren, as in your present condition an owl might accidentally eat you.

a gust 1995

to: fithfl sssservnt in spe, baartmussss cruoch

havnig hard of ur latst misfortunessss, i hve deciedd to grant u the graet honor of freeng u frmo teh unwrthy cnditoin u hav ben ssssufffring undr. 4 furthr detials rfer to my obdinte sssrvant p.pttetigrw

ur master (exsss & in sssspe)

Lrd vald e mart

ps. plz x-cuse, hloding qill wehn disssmbodeid fuking hard. LOL!!!11

November 1995

Dear Barty,

I have received the order to inform you that your father is cracking under the strain put upon him by our beloved Master. He spends his evening hours sitting in what I have come to understand was your mother's favourite chair and reliving the story of your escape from Azkaban over and over again. Did you know your mother got the idea of impersonating you from an old school friend from Durmstrang? Apparently, that Mrs. Miloshevich (sp?) faked her own death by hanging, and spent the last 30 years alternately impersonating her son and whispering advice in his ear. It was she who infused him with such hatred against our Master. He has now sent out troops which roam the South-Easter-European forests and kill everything and everyone who looks "foreign" to them. How that Squib could have learned about our Master's whereabouts remains a mystery to me. But at least his trail is now cold. Mua ha ha!

Anyway, we decided it's for the best if your father took it easy from now on and are keeping him locked up in the basement.

Your friend and well-wisher,


*Serbian dictator and war criminal responsible for the Bosnian genocide during the Balkan war

I also drafted an idea for an obscure crossover challenge where I brought Emma Woodhouse and Eminem together. (Unsurprisingly, Eminem was introduced to Emma by Mr Frank Churchill. Mr Knightley was not pleased):

Snippet )

So, do you have any weird ficlets lying around that will never see the light of day? Do share!
The first thing I read on the Internet this morning (in somebody's signature):

"Homosexuality occurs in 450 species. Homophobia in one. Which one would you call normal?"


I'm so tired. Is everyone so tired? I need a holiday. Can it be Christmas nao?
Yesterday, the Pope's brother Georg Ratzinger admitted he had been "slapping" boys who were under his care when he was head of the choir and boarding school Regensburger Domspatzen.

We don't know yet what "slapping" means in this context. It could be anything, a smack around the head, a slap in the face or fully-blown rape.

In the course of the last few weeks, the German media have been exploding with news on beatings and abuse in - mainly Catholic - schools and institutions. Every day - and I'm not exeggarating - we hear of yet another school where children were subjected to humiliation, beating and sexual abuse. Out of 27 Catholic dioceses in Germany, accusations have been raised in 20.

The church spokesmen do what they can to not admit that there might be something wrong with the institution of the Catholic Church as such. There's some "it was long ago, but not any more, we promise" talk, there's some "isolated cases" talk (20 out of 27 dioceses), there's some "the over-sexualised society Made Them Do It" talk; oh, and there are some "we are really sorry, honestly" apologies.

The cases go back decades. Most victims have never raised any accusations, and many cases are now statue-barred. Talks have opened whether the period after which a criminal offense becomes statue-barred should be expanded.

I saw an interview the other day with a politician or activist who commended the church for laying everything open and for not sweeping it under the carpet any longer. And all it took for more transparency and honesty to happen was only massive, nation-wide scandal!

I saw an interview with one of the victims, who was member of the Regenburger Domspatzen choir in the 1950s. He was very articulate and very polite, and very firmly stated that he is surprised, to put it mildly, that the news comes as such a shock. He has been very open about his story of abuse for years, but has never been listened to (statue-barred offense, you see).

The starting point was the Jesuit school Canisius-Kolleg in Berlin, where accusations of sexual abuse that happened in the 1970s and 1980s were raised in January. Other prominent institution involved are the Regensburger Domspatzen (Wiki says: "The choir consists of boys and young men only." Of course it does. Girls are icky and evil and lead to temptation, and we must not have that!) and the elite boarding school Odenwaldschule.

Der Spiegel has a comprehensive write-up and linkage on the whole affair (in German).

ETA: A heartwarming image

Image Hosted by
Well, November 4 is approaching fast, and I don't have anything to say that hasn't been said already all over my flist, also, being a world-weary cynic and a European I couldn't contribute anything non-sarcastic, but I would like to point out that ever since the names of the candidates started being tossed around in the media, I have been of the conviction that many people think they are actually voting for John McClane, which is kinda understandable. He did away with those pesky Gruber brothers and all.

I like his supporters, though:

Hm. It's general election in Germany this coming Sunday, and I am still undecided whom to vote for due to the lack of any worthy candidates. Therefore, I've been playing around with online elect-o-mat (Wahl-o-mat, hier und hier) thingies to check out the Internet's verdict to my personal election dilemma. Apparently, the parties I am most compatible with are a radical right-wing hardliner party and Germany's major conservative party.

And here's me thinking I'm liberal.

*hangs head in shame*
*is worried*

First thing I did this morning was write a ficlet for [ profile] cordelia_v, who asked for "a sick, sacriligeous drabble. Bonus points if you can work in any of the following: his history as a member of the Hitler Youth; Ratzinger's pronouncement that all other religions are "deficient"; or a reference to the fact that (more than any other cardinal) he's worked hard to foreclose any possibility that women could ever become Catholic priests." I meant to link to it in my LJ this morning, but I forgot. Not a good sign.

Anyway, it's Joseph Ratzinger/Karol Wojtyla (aka Benedict XVI/John Paul II). Offensive subject matter, Nazi references and implied slash! Be warned! The original version in German is here. The translation (a very hasty and rough one) is here )
Having - alongside most of my flist - read this post tonight and having watched Fahrenheit 9/11 for the second time, I intended to make a political post as soon as I got back home. Unfortunately, I am too tired and too drunk for coherent thought. ... Well, maybe only a few words: I grew up in a police state, and the truly horrible thing about it wasn't so much the actual physical or legal threat (though always latently existant) but the constant feeling of apprehension that followed you around. People were afraid of voicing their opinions, because you never knew who was listening to what. I have no way of knowing how intimidated Americans feel in general, but I get the impression that it is getting worse and worse. And the scary thing? The entire world is watching. Helplessly. This sort of makes you understand how so many crimes against humanity could have happened in the past without any interference from the outside. Because, frankly, there's nothing one can do.

A few years ago, I read an article in the press dealing with Switzerland's role in World War II. Apparently, an "independent commission of experts" was formed who were in charge of investigating Switzerland's omission in letting in Jewish refugees during the war. At exactly the same time that commission was investigating, Germany was passing laws designed to prevent letting in refugees into the country. I thought it was quite ironic, in the saddest of ways. The point I'm trying to make is, that political crimes - even if recognised by the people - seem to be impossible to stop. Which is what I find perfectly, utterly scary.

Hm, a political post after all. I'll safe the fun post for later.

It's just like Rocky Horror, but without Frank's sex appeal. Haven't laughed so hard in ages.
As you all probably well know, the Protection from Pornography Week is in full swing. [ profile] sparrohawk had the cute idea to honour this occasion by writing pointless smut, and contributed a charming fic on her LJ. As I like the concept as well as her ficlet, here's my contribution. It's Sirius/Harry and, yes, it is NC-17.

Beware the Porn! )



September 2014



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