donnaimmaculata | Harry Potter pwnz them all

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Harry Potter pwnz them all

I've got a confession to make.

I've been indulging in rather horrible YA guilty-pleasure fantasy.

(No, not Twilight, I'm not that far gone.)

But, occasionally, I like to listen to Artemis Fowl audiobooks whilst doing household chores.

Now, Artemis Fowl isn't exactly good literature, but I can see the appeal of the books and am pretty sure I would have enjoyed them as a kid. At the age of 10, I would probably have had a crush on Artemis (he's dark-haired and thin, I'm easy), later on Butler and later on Holly. I can enjoy the convoluted plots and brainless action, I can suspend disbelief easily to buy into a world populated with the underground fairies with superior technology etc. etc.

But: the sheer stupidity of these things can be exasperating. Suspension of disbelief does not work if I'm asked to ignore very basic RL facts. I can ignore the fact that Artemis Fowl is a genius who performs better than every expert in any chosen field, from IT, through impressionistic paintings, to psychology and linguistics - it's not his fault that he's a totally unbelievable and hence unrelatable character, he was written that way.

I cannot ignore the fact that Artemis Fowl writes a translation programme for an as-yet unknown language (Gnommish) that provides a perfect translation in rhyme! That's not how translating works, and it's no wonder the kids of today(TM) grow up to believe that running stuff through an online translator will provide them with a perfectly phrased result.

Even worse, because even more rooted in a Real World scenario: When Artemis and Butler pretend to open an account at the super-safe International Bank in Munich, the clerk greets them with: "My name is Bertholt, and I will be assisting you today." WTF? He's not American. An employee at a high-profile bank (or any bank, really) in Germany will not, never, ever invite the customers to be on a first-name basis with him. He will very definitely be "Herr Soandso", and he will not try to get chummy with a sulky teenager. The Berholt bit actually threw me so much, I had to put the book aside for a while. It still makes me cringe.

And then there's the all-knowing, all-expert Artemis himself. God, what an unlikeable... not character, because he isn't, really. How does the author fail to realise that a protagonist who has all the information and skills (apart from physical fitness and social skills, because he's a nerd, donchaknow) is just plain boring? Oh, so Artemis speaks another language now - flawlessly, of course - and has published another article in some specialist magazine. How... exciting.

Probably not so much the author's fault, either, since the all-knowing, albei socially inept hero is very much en vogue, isn't he? It's like writers just couldn't be bothered to introduce relevant information other than having The Hero spout them.

I've read people complain about Harry Potter being only able to solve many of the riddles and get out of many of the dangerous situations by a combination of sheer luck (strategic eavesdropping) and the help of friends who are actually more competent than himself. Which is... kinda the point? What I love about the Harry Potter books is that the heros are very much incompetent and hopeless and that they acknowledge that don't know the anwers until they stumble over them by accident. (Apart from Hermione, but then, I've never liked Hermione.)

Misfits fits the bill, too. The heroes are totally useless, and they know it. Nathan states outright that they're lazy and incompetent, and the authorial voice acknowledges it, too. And the resident nerd is a perv.

I don't know what brought this on. I think it's because Artemis Fowl has annoyed me so much recently - the books might have been good (well, -ish) if they had proper characters in them instead of those ridiculous cardboard cutouts.

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Which is... kinda the point?

Which is completely the point!!

In thousands of parallel universes, Harry didn't fluke the information that got him through that bit and he lost... this one was lucky, and he knows it, and he stumbled through and somehow won... far more real.

I love it.

And I love 'what if we're supposed to be Superheroes?' Naaaah!

"We're a bunch of young offenders and not one of us has thought of using our powers to commit crime? We're rubbish!" (paraphrased)

They're too lazy for a life as supervillains, too!

What's the point of a hero who knows all the facts? It's like reading a manual vs. reading a novel.

What I love about the Harry Potter books is that the heros are very much incompetent and hopeless and that they acknowledge that don't know the anwers until they stumble over them by accident. (Apart from Hermione, but then, I've never liked Hermione.)

Interestingly enough, over on this other forum I've been in a debate with this one guy about the merits (or lack thereof) of the Harry Potter series.

And today, he flat out admitted that one of the reasons that he disliked Harry Potter - both the series, and the character - is that Harry didn't have the stereotypical thing going on where he discovers he that he was secretly ~the most powerful wizard ever~, but remained... ordinary. Apart from being a wizard, of course.

Which baffled me a bit - shouldn't victory coming from an ordinary everyman character be so much more triumphant than that from some Wizarding Phenomenon? Harry is create because of the choices he made, not because some special gift he was born with.

And it's not just Harry who's time and again out of his depth; the supporting characters can be rather useless, too. Not surprisingly, I love OotP so much: it shows that the designated good guys are really a bunch of screw-ups and that the fate of the wizarding world lies in the hands of a sulky and shouty teenage boy. In fact, OotP was when I started to like Harry; I had been rather indifferent to him prior to that.

the choices he made, not because some special gift he was born with

Not to mention the choice that Voldemort made for him when he marked him!

It all harks back to a certain quote of Dumbledore's early on...

But yes, I like the fact that victory comes from people, not because they are inherently better, but because they made better choices - and that the people who made wrong choices can be redeemed by, when they have a chance, chosing again. Snape and the Malfoys do, but Harry offers Voldemort that choice, and he doesn't take it. And he dies for it.

I've only dragged myself through one Artemis Fowl, and I thought the premise was going to be that he was an unreliable narrator, like Flashman or something. But sadly, not.

And I think one of the MAIN POINTS of Harry Potter is that heroics are quite often 'sheer dumb luck.' For me, the scene in the Silver Doe utterly sums it up:

'I'm sorry,' he said in a thick voice. 'I'm sorry I left. I know I was a—a-'

He looked around at the darkness, as if hoping a bad enough world would
swoop down upon him and claim him.

'You've sort of made up for it tonight,' said Harry. 'Getting the sword.
Finishing off the Horcrux. Saving my life.'

'That makes me sound a lot cooler than I was,' Ron mumbled.

'Stuff like that always sounds cooler than it really was,' said Harry. 'I've
been trying to tell you that for years.'

Simultaneously they walked forward and hugged, Harry gripping the still sopping back of Ron's jacket.

SORRY I KNOW THE HUG WAS UNNECESSARY FOR MY POINT

Artemis Fowl is so devoid of all humour. I read somewhere that one of its strengths is its witty dialogue. What?

I still use the audiobooks as background chatter when cleaning the kitchen. Thus, I can use the pent-up annoyance as fuel and scrub those floors more vigorously than usual!

I don't know how readers can resent the fact that Harry isn't a super special superhero. He's one of us, and half of the time he doesn't know what he's doing, because neither would we!

Yeah EXACTLY. It's like Shaun of the Dead where they finally get hold of a gun, and they're all going 'shit - has anyone ever shot a gun before?' 'well, I shot my sister in the leg once' Whereas in some films, the hero picks up a rifle and becomes an expert sniper instantly...

Yes, as it has been frequently pointed out, the good guys are not inherently good people, Sirius Black being a good example. It's odd how this can be considered a flaw, rather than a strength of the books.

Which is why BBC productions are so much better than Hollywood productions. They know what real people are like!

Misfits, of course, does that too: "OMG, HELP, use your power NOW!" - "I don't know how it works!!!1"

People say they want more moral grays and complexity, and yet when they get it...

It's probably the wrong kind of complexity or something.

Ye gods, woman, how could you sit through more than one of them?

I can't even say I hate Artemis Fowl. They just seem so unrealistic that even my Mary Sue-ish love of destined to be overpowered characters crawls shrieking into a corner. And as you say, it's not even only that, it's the lack of basic research into ordinary behaviour in our world too. Add to that the total lack of wit and I was done after reading the first one.

I think the difference between Harry and Artemis is that Harry is a character while Artemis is an instrument, either as a mouthpiece or a deus ex machina, and that's why even my 10 year old self wouldn't have fallen for Artemis.

I honestly don't know. I do find them exasperating, stupid characters and plots and all. But they're so easily consumed and somehow a suitable backdrop for mindless tasks. It's a bit like watching a silly 80s show - The A-Team, possibly (dubbed into German, I can't judge on the original).

I don't hate him, either. He's so bland. My 10-year-old self, alas, was very stupid and would fall for anything ~~not that that's changed much~~.

I suspect in that case it has to do with something else, like whether they're supposed to admire them? Like there are plenty of people who will say "Why should I admire Harry as a hero when he just strikes me as a lazy kid that the world revolves around?" but then turn around and say how much they think Snape is a great hero. Both have flaws, but the combo of flaws and the way things work out for one character makes them hate them, and in the other they love them.

I'd say Harry kind of straddles the line at time. He's not the most powerful wizard ever, he remains pretty ordinary, but in other ways he is identified as being special.

I had no idea that's what those books were like. They sound dreadful!

They're rather like popcorn cinema: flat characterisation, plenty of technobabble and things that go BOOM! a lot.

Both have flaws, but the combo of flaws and the way things work out for one character makes them hate them, and in the other they love them

Oh, I agree. I was being flippant in my comment above. Harry can be exasperating, and it doesn't seem fair that things work out for him the way they do. But for me, this is what makes him as a character and the novels so true to life. Because coincidence and luck and favouritism (if Dumbledore's grooming of Harry as the saviour of the wizarding world really is favouritism) play a vital role in human enterprises of all kind. I'm not sure whether I like Harry as a person, but I like him as a character - only since OotP, though, where he became such an angry and oh so misunderstood teenager. He suddenly seemed real then.

His specialness has been thrust upon him, and in many ways, he is special, because Voldemort and Dumbledore have made him so and have "marketed" him as special.

Ahahaha, the things one fell in love with back then and of course isn't in love with still, really, no, really! ~~The Dark Rider from The Dark Is Rising series and Shredder from Ninja Turtles.~~

But no, I don't think Artemis would have cut it even back then - I always liked my characters with passion.

I always liked my characters with passion

I always liked the dark-haired, skinny ones. Yes, my standards have always been very high!

XD Well, seeing as I would take them no matter how non-human they were (off the top of my head: an evil dragon, an evil pony...) I'm not in a position to point any fingers.

Have you noticed it's often the bad guys who are most passionate about something? Hating someone, wanting something or vice versa? May explain my bad guy-fixation now I think about it.

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Harry Potter pwnz them all

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