Life seems but a quick succession of busy nothings

And we're all invited.

My second contribution to the lupin_snape exchange has been posted. The prompt was:

Not established relationship. R or NC-17. After the death of Dumbledore, R searches for S and for answers. He finds him in hiding and they argue, perhaps even fight, but end up in bed. Tenderness, not hate sex, comforting of mutual pain. In the morning, they must go their separate ways. Tone: bittersweet

A straightforward, old-fashioned hurt/comfort fic:

Title: But the Loom of Life Never Stops
Author: Donna Immaculata
Summary: After the death of Dumbledore, Remus tracks down Severus in hiding.
Rating: NC-17
Genre: angst, hurt/comfort
Word count: 8781
Notes: Title lifted from Henry Ward Beecher's Life Thoughts: "We sleep, but the loom of life never stops; and the pattern which was weaving when the sun went down is weaving when it comes up tomorrow."

But the Loom of Life Never Stops

My Remus, btw, has always looked like this - looong before David Tennant entered our lives and made them brighter:



Very thin, with a thin face and good hair that falls into his eyes (canon!), in his late 30s and not too old looking, definitely no moustache. No scars, either, because Harry would have commented on them. I will never forgive the films for what they did to Remus. David Tennant in the scene pictured above made me instantly think of Remus Lupin; there's a certain loneliness and melancholia that fits him well.

It turns out, hp_halloween, the Halloween-themed gift exchange, is quite a demanding fest: 70 double-drabbles, all posted on one day, ranging from fluffy rom-com to chilling horror tales... I have finally managed to read my way through this year's batch, and here are some of my favourites:

( HP Halloween drabbles )

I wrote A Thinking Cap for bonfoi, whose pairing requests included the Sorting Hat/Hogwarts Castle. How could I resist?

The moment I decided to give this pairing a go, I knew I would have to write it in verse form, because the Sorting Hat would sing his love to the Castle. So the challenge was to write a poem in exactly 200 words. And the amazing thing was: it worked. As I wrote what I thought was the rough draft, I fully expected I would have to do a lot of editing afterwards. However, it turned out I had hit the word count almost exactly on the first try - the draft had 199 words. All I had to do was change "mind-reading" to "mind reading", and I hit my target. I've no idea how that happened! It did please me immensely, I can tell you.

Dear fanfic writers,

Do you ever stumble across a piece of writing in your draft folder that you had completely forgotten and that amuses you when you discover it after all those years? I saw the other day that, back in 2006, I had written a Slobodan Milosevic*/Harry Potter crossover:

"Whatever happened to Slobodan Milosevic? Mystery crack

Milosevic is dead and on his way to larger-than-life martyrdom. There's nothing like being a criminal - alleged or convicted - and dying under mysterious circumstances to become a martyr. Rumour will have it that he's been poisoned by corrupt Dutch authorities. According to my latest information (radio, half an hour ago), his death was caused by anti-leprosy and anti-tuberculosis drugs which counteracted the effects of his heart medication. However, considering all facts, I can't help but see some parallels and notice some evidence that points firmly into a different direction. South-Eastern Europe? Connection to Kosovo-Albanians? A mother's untimely death? High-security prison? Where have I read all this before?

Let's have a look at this letter exchange:

July 1995

Dear Master-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named,

Contrary to all the rumours that might reach you, I have not resigned my strategic position by the side of H. P. because of the threats uttered against me by the escaped convict Black. I have resigned it, because rumours of much more worrying matter has finally made it to Hogwarts: apparently, the region in which you are currently residing is under attack. A maniac who thinks himself fit to challenge the Greatest Wizard of All Times (yourself, Master) is on the war path and attempts to destroy all and everything around him. Including yourself.

I know of course that such rumours are greatly exaggerated, but I have nevertheless decided that I would be of more use at your side than skulking around the Weasley boy's bed. I have therefore set off and am on my way.

Sincerely,

P. Pettigrew

PS. I'm not sending this letter by owl but by wren, as in your present condition an owl might accidentally eat you.



a gust 1995

to: fithfl sssservnt in spe, baartmussss cruoch

havnig hard of ur latst misfortunessss, i hve deciedd to grant u the graet honor of freeng u frmo teh unwrthy cnditoin u hav ben ssssufffring undr. 4 furthr detials rfer to my obdinte sssrvant p.pttetigrw

ur master (exsss & in sssspe)

Lrd vald e mart

ps. plz x-cuse spell.work, hloding qill wehn disssmbodeid fuking hard. LOL!!!11



November 1995

Dear Barty,

I have received the order to inform you that your father is cracking under the strain put upon him by our beloved Master. He spends his evening hours sitting in what I have come to understand was your mother's favourite chair and reliving the story of your escape from Azkaban over and over again. Did you know your mother got the idea of impersonating you from an old school friend from Durmstrang? Apparently, that Mrs. Miloshevich (sp?) faked her own death by hanging, and spent the last 30 years alternately impersonating her son and whispering advice in his ear. It was she who infused him with such hatred against our Master. He has now sent out troops which roam the South-Easter-European forests and kill everything and everyone who looks "foreign" to them. How that Squib could have learned about our Master's whereabouts remains a mystery to me. But at least his trail is now cold. Mua ha ha!

Anyway, we decided it's for the best if your father took it easy from now on and are keeping him locked up in the basement.

Your friend and well-wisher,

Pete"

*Serbian dictator and war criminal responsible for the Bosnian genocide during the Balkan war

I also drafted an idea for an obscure crossover challenge where I brought Emma Woodhouse and Eminem together. (Unsurprisingly, Eminem was introduced to Emma by Mr Frank Churchill. Mr Knightley was not pleased):

( Snippet )

So, do you have any weird ficlets lying around that will never see the light of day? Do share!

Look, soawen, look! Whilst reorganising my tags, I made it back into 2004 and found this: Snape and Hagrid breed zombies in the dungeon. I LOLed.

I've got a confession to make.

I've been indulging in rather horrible YA guilty-pleasure fantasy.

(No, not Twilight, I'm not that far gone.)

But, occasionally, I like to listen to Artemis Fowl audiobooks whilst doing household chores.

Now, Artemis Fowl isn't exactly good literature, but I can see the appeal of the books and am pretty sure I would have enjoyed them as a kid. At the age of 10, I would probably have had a crush on Artemis (he's dark-haired and thin, I'm easy), later on Butler and later on Holly. I can enjoy the convoluted plots and brainless action, I can suspend disbelief easily to buy into a world populated with the underground fairies with superior technology etc. etc.

But: the sheer stupidity of these things can be exasperating. Suspension of disbelief does not work if I'm asked to ignore very basic RL facts. I can ignore the fact that Artemis Fowl is a genius who performs better than every expert in any chosen field, from IT, through impressionistic paintings, to psychology and linguistics - it's not his fault that he's a totally unbelievable and hence unrelatable character, he was written that way.

I cannot ignore the fact that Artemis Fowl writes a translation programme for an as-yet unknown language (Gnommish) that provides a perfect translation in rhyme! That's not how translating works, and it's no wonder the kids of today(TM) grow up to believe that running stuff through an online translator will provide them with a perfectly phrased result.

Even worse, because even more rooted in a Real World scenario: When Artemis and Butler pretend to open an account at the super-safe International Bank in Munich, the clerk greets them with: "My name is Bertholt, and I will be assisting you today." WTF? He's not American. An employee at a high-profile bank (or any bank, really) in Germany will not, never, ever invite the customers to be on a first-name basis with him. He will very definitely be "Herr Soandso", and he will not try to get chummy with a sulky teenager. The Berholt bit actually threw me so much, I had to put the book aside for a while. It still makes me cringe.

And then there's the all-knowing, all-expert Artemis himself. God, what an unlikeable... not character, because he isn't, really. How does the author fail to realise that a protagonist who has all the information and skills (apart from physical fitness and social skills, because he's a nerd, donchaknow) is just plain boring? Oh, so Artemis speaks another language now - flawlessly, of course - and has published another article in some specialist magazine. How... exciting.

Probably not so much the author's fault, either, since the all-knowing, albei socially inept hero is very much en vogue, isn't he? It's like writers just couldn't be bothered to introduce relevant information other than having The Hero spout them.

I've read people complain about Harry Potter being only able to solve many of the riddles and get out of many of the dangerous situations by a combination of sheer luck (strategic eavesdropping) and the help of friends who are actually more competent than himself. Which is... kinda the point? What I love about the Harry Potter books is that the heros are very much incompetent and hopeless and that they acknowledge that don't know the anwers until they stumble over them by accident. (Apart from Hermione, but then, I've never liked Hermione.)

Misfits fits the bill, too. The heroes are totally useless, and they know it. Nathan states outright that they're lazy and incompetent, and the authorial voice acknowledges it, too. And the resident nerd is a perv.

I don't know what brought this on. I think it's because Artemis Fowl has annoyed me so much recently - the books might have been good (well, -ish) if they had proper characters in them instead of those ridiculous cardboard cutouts.

Since everybody's doing it, here's my fic round-up for 2009. I actually did manage to write three things. Fancy that!

Frozen, Poppy Pomfrey/Severus Snape, PG-13, written for HP Beholder 2009

The Full Circle, Doctor Who crossover, Remus Lupin/Tenth Doctor, rated R for some sexual contents and general emo-ness

Not the Model Boy of the Village, gen, Sirius-centric, R (for language), written for the Big Bang Blackout and based on Mark Twain's Tom Sawyer

The last one, I am rather pleased with, as I managed to create a Dumbledore who's so ambiguous that even I myself are not sure whether I can trust him or not. I found myself believing him, even though I knew I shouldn't, seeing as I wrote him and knew what he did last summer.

Title: All Things Right and Proper
Author: Donna Immaculata
Rating: R for darkish themes, language, some sexual contents and allusions to drug abuse
Pairings: Petunia Dursley/Vernon Dursley, Augusta Longbottom/Frank Longbottom Sr., Minerva McGonagall/Aberforth Dumbledore
Word Count: 24,700
Warnings: Vernon Dursley as a lust object. Yeah, I know.
Summary: Glimpses into the lives of Petunia, Minerva and Augusta during the events of The Deathly Hallows
Author's Notes: This was written for the hp_beholder fest on IJ for lyras. She asked for character studies, women kicking ass, plot, characters who aren't black or white, 'fade to black' rather than PWP, UST, working around canon, angst with hope, and I tried to squeeze in as many of her requests as possible.
I did squeeze in appearances of Remus, Sirius, Snape, Kingsley and Great Uncle Algie, some Weasleys, cats, goats, obscure crossovers, and divers alarums.

Part I
Part II

( All Things Right and Proper, Part III )

So, the great hp_beholder reveal's been up for two days... Many, many thanks for bethbethbeth for running this fantastic fest and, particularly, for presenting me with a request which proved so immensely enjoyable to answer.

Title: All Things Right and Proper
Author: Donna Immaculata
Rating: R for darkish themes, language, some sexual contents and allusions to drug abuse
Pairings: Petunia Dursley/Vernon Dursley, Augusta Longbottom/Frank Longbottom Sr., Minerva McGonagall/Aberforth Dumbledore
Word Count: 24,700
Warnings: Vernon Dursley as a lust object. Yeah, I know.
Summary: Glimpses into the lives of Petunia, Minerva and Augusta during the events of The Deathly Hallows
Author's Notes: This was written for the hp_beholder fest on IJ for lyras. She asked for character studies, women kicking ass, plot, characters who aren't black or white, 'fade to black' rather than PWP, UST, working around canon, angst with hope, and I tried to squeeze in as many of her requests as possible.
I did squeeze in appearances of Remus, Sirius, Snape, Kingsley and Great Uncle Algie, some Weasleys, cats, goats, obscure crossovers, and divers alarums.

On HP Beholder: All Things Right and Proper

And the version with some more typos fixed here on my LJ:

( All Things Right and Proper, Part I )

Am I the only one thinking that the infamous Epilogue lacked something important? Namely an appearance by Snape's daughter? Come on, wouldn't it have been fabulous if Liliana Tomasina Alba Snape had showed up, black eyeliner, black nail polish, sneering expression and all?