donnaimmaculata (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
donnaimmaculata) wrote2004-01-05 08:09 pm
donnaimmaculata) wrote2004-01-05 08:09 pm
Snape/Lupin, Part II.
Here's the second part of my Snupin fic. I can't explain the ending. It sort of... happened.
Part I
Truce, Struck in Darkness
The brief expression of bewilderment on Lupin’s bloodied face, when he took in the display before him, was almost instantly replaced by shock, horror, and disgust. The moment he opened his mouth to speak, he was already clasping a hand over his mouth and was tumbling to his feet and out of the room, bumping his shoulder on the door frame with a dull thud.
Snape heard him throw up on the landing.
He forced his body into submission, hoisted himself up, fetched his wand and pulled on his robe before he went out to look after Lupin, who was being violently, mercilessly sick. Snape tried to sneer down at the pathetic display, but his face muscles ignored him and settled for slack resignation instead. Lupin wouldn’t stop vomiting, supporting himself on trembling arms, and Snape knelt down beside him, wrapped one arm around the thin chest and pulled the man’s hair back from his face. "For heaven’s sake, Lupin, you’ll rip your stomach apart," he said as Lupin coughed dryly and spat bile. "Stop it or Albus will be after my blood."
The heaving grew weaker, and between the coughs, Lupin was forming words that Snape leaned in to catch. He thought he heard a ‘Sorry’ but the rest was swallowed by a new wave of nausea, and Snape held the shivering man until it passed. He cleaned the mess with a flick of his wand and went to the bathroom to fetch water.
He stared unseeingly at the rough, corroded taps until the yellowish water turned pale, and forced the muscles in his neck to lift his head.
A look in the chipped, dirty mirror blurred his vision momentarily. His face was paler than death, lips bitten, and a dark bruise was forming on his left cheekbone, which had been pressed into the floorboards. But it was the sight of the dark blood trails that almost made him pass out as he realised what his brain had been trying to signal him. With a thunderous bang, he threw the door open and charged at Lupin, who was cowering, face white, body shivering, by the wall.
"You!" Snape roared. "You... monster! I’ll kill you, werewolf! I’ll kill you! I’ll make you pay for this!"
His wand quivered inches before Lupin’s face, but just before Snape spat out the curse, any curse, Lupin’s arm came up in a blur and he caught Snape’s wrist in his hand. He was still trembling, but his grip was confident.
"You have every right to do so, Severus," he said in a low, hoarse voice. "But before you begin, I want you to know that I had no intention whatsoever of hurting you. I told you to lock me up if you noticed that something was wrong."
"You dare talk to me like that? You dare blame me?" Snape hissed, wrestling his arm from the tight grip. "After what you’ve done to me? You've destroyed my life, and I swear to god that I will not rest until I make the rest of yours a living hell."
"Severus, I," Lupin closed his eyes, leaning his head on the wall behind him. "I know it is very... painful for you, but could you please tell me what happened? I don’t understand why... I did it, and..." he trailed off, embarrassed.
"You don’t understand why you did it?!" Snape’s voice rose, high-pitched with rage. "You don’t- You have the impudence to deny your nature, to tell me you don’t know why you did what is your kind’s sole purpose in life?!"
Lupin’s eyes snapped open. "What? No, I- now I don’t understand. I don’t think that... raping humans is very high on the list of werewolf behaviour."
"Rapi-" Snape choked on the word. "You bit me, werewolf! You turned me into... Oh my god," Snape’s knees gave way and he leaned on the banister. "You made me one of... You turned me-"
"Severus!" said Lupin forcefully, leaning forward. "Severus! No, that’s not true. Listen to me: I haven’t turned you into a werewolf. Do you understand?"
"What do you mean, you haven’t turned me?" snarled Snape. "You bit me, you-" he tugged on his collar, exposing the angry bite marks on his neck and chest. "You bit me!"
"Yes, but I was human-shaped, wasn’t I?" Lupin’s expression had darkened at the sight of the wounds, but his voice was steady. "Werewolf bites are harmful only when the werewolf is in wolf shape. I wasn’t. You’re safe."
"How do you know? How do you know I’m not... infected?"
"Well. You didn’t change, did you?" Lupin answered matter-of-factly.
"Of course not. I’ve been only just bitten. I-" he paused and locked his eyes on Lupin’s face. "Are you saying that had I been- had your bite been-" he broke off and swallowed. "That I should have changed straight away?"
"Certainly. That’s the only way people survive a werewolf attack," carried on Lupin, slumping back into the corner. "A werewolf would not stop tearing into a human, biting them to bits. But the moment a human receives the bite, they change into a wolf themselves and are safe. As safe as it gets, in any case."
"Are you sure?"
Lupin merely glanced up at him.
Snape’s features relaxed slowly. He was watching Lupin with a peculiar, almost open expression on his face, his eyes very dark against the white skin.
"But still," continued Lupin, "I hurt you. It was unforgivable, and I don’t expect you to ever forgive me. But I hope you can tell me how it happened."
Wordlessly, Snape turned on his heel and disappeared into the bathroom again. He steadied himself against the sink to regain his equilibrium, and poured out a glass of water that he downed in one go. He carried another glass out and offered it to Lupin.
"So you thought you-" he gestured vaguely and frowned. "And that made you sick?"
Lupin nodded. He was drinking the water in small, careful sips as though not trusting his stomach to hold it.
Snape’s mouth curled up. "You didn’t," he admitted coldly. "I let you."
Lupin’s head snapped up. "Don’t!" he said sharply.
"Don’t what?"
"Don’t lie!"
"I’m not lying." He stared into Lupin’s angry face and sighed. "Here." He stepped closer and opened his robe, fully revealing pale expanses of skin. "Do you see these?" he indicated the white stains on his stomach. "How do you think they got there?"
Lupin stared incredulously. "You’ve come," he said in a small voice.
"No less than four times, and believe me, that doesn’t happen often within one night."
"Four times," Lupin repeated blandly, still staring at Snape’s stomach.
Snape reached out and tugged on one strand of Lupin’s hair. "You should wash your hair before you get out of here. Albus might ask odd questions."
"In my hair?!"
"On your face," Snape replied coolly, watching in amusement as Lupin instinctively reached up to wipe his face.
Lupin’s hand fell back in his lap. "Severus," he said, "Severus, I-" he shifted, sitting up against the wall. "Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why did you let me? I could have hurt you. I did hurt you."
Snape’s black eyes were fixed on Lupin’s face. "I will tell you if you tell me something in return. If you tell me something first," he corrected himself.
Lupin eyed him warily. As always, Snape felt irritation building up at the sight of the other man’s alert eyes framed by the tired face. But time had come at last to wipe that guarded, smug expression from those eyes.
"Well?" Snape raised an eyebrow. "Have we got a deal?"
"A confession for a confession?" Lupin said softly. "What are you after, Severus?"
Snape shrugged. "Maybe I just want to hear you speak the truth, openly. For once"
Lupin had the decency not to argue the point, and in spite of himself, Snape felt mildly impressed. This merely increased his irritation.
"Very well," said Lupin, shifting again against the cold wall and stretching out one long leg, seemingly unselfconscious in his nakedness. He propped up his lower arm on his bent knee and flexed his fingers. "Ask."
"Why did you drink the potion?"
Lupin’s head snapped up. "What do you mean, why? Because the whole purpose of this project was to establish the potion’s effects on a werewolf."
Snape narrowed his eyes. "Don’t play your games with me, Lupin," he said in a dangerous whisper. "That’s not what I was asking, and you know that. Why did you drink the potion? What were you afraid of?"
"Afraid, Severus? Do you think I’d have drunk it if I was afraid?"
"I saw you in Dumbledore’s office, Lupin. ‘Would it hurt to try?’ Albus said." He saw with satisfaction Lupin’s features freeze at the sounds of the words. "And then you complied. Very unexpectedly so, I thought. So here goes my question again, and if you don’t answer, you will have forfeited your chance of ever learning what happened here tonight. Why did you drink the potion? What is it you’re hiding that Albus isn’t supposed to know? You didn’t want Albus to get suspicious by refusing to cooperate, and I want to know why."
Lupin leaned his head back heavily, eyes very dark and calm. "You’ve got me where you wanted me, haven’t you, now?" he said quietly. "You know of course that I’ve got to know what I did tonight."
Snape nodded coolly.
"I-" Lupin broke off and released his breath in a snort of laughter. "I think I need a cigarette first," he said vehemently, threading his fingers through the heap of his robes and pulling out his wand. "Do you want one, Severus?"
"I don’t smoke."
"Neither do I." Lupin muttered a spell and a box of cigarettes appeared in his hand. "Here." He offered it to Snape, who took one and lit it with his wand.
"Well?" He prompted after a few drags. Lupin sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.
"What do you know about the... therapy methods that used to be applied to werewolves?" He asked finally. Snape ground his teeth at the sound of Lupin’s voice falling into teacher mode.
"Not much. You tell me, Lupin."
"Before the development of the Wolfsbane Potion, there had been attempts to find solutions for the werewolf problem," said Lupin thoughtfully, pulling on his cigarette. "Family members, who didn’t want a monster among their relatives but couldn’t bring themselves to kill the werewolf and have done with it. You know of course," he stretched out his leg further, positively lounging by the wall with an air of desperate determination, "that killing a werewolf used to hardly ever have any legal consequences. Most killings have been hushed up." At Snape’s impatient huff, Lupin merely smiled vaguely and continued in the same tone. "Other people who tried to find a cure were scientists, healers, who acted either out of humanity or because of the prestige a success promised. In any case, countless treatment and therapy methods have been introduced over the years; the potion you were working on is only the tip of the iceberg."
"Thank you for this interesting history lesson, Lupin," Snape snarled, his thin patience worn off. "I’ve read the same books you have."
"In that case, you know that the list of failed attempts included, in no particular order, exorcism, letting the werewolf in question bleed until he would faint, poisoning the werewolf with a blend of humulus lupulis and hemlock before the change in order to knock him out and lessen the danger for his environment, breaking the werewolf’s bones in order to confuse the body and to disrupt the normal procedure of the change, fastening a tight collar - often a silver one - around the werewolf’s neck while he was still human-shaped to cut off the air supply, sometimes almost completely, when the change is completed. Of course, all the changed werewolf would do in such a case was try to get rid of the collar in order to be able to breathe. Sometimes he would pass out from lack of oxygen. As to the various potions and poisons applied, the problem is to get the dose right." Snape nodded in confirmation. "Ah yes, you know everything about that particular problem, of course," Lupin smiled a twisted little smile, his cigarette burning down slowly, forgotten between his fingers. "The dose of hemlock has to be fairly high to have the desired effect on the changed werewolf. So in the end, the werewolf would often end up with an overdose and, human-shaped again, would suffer from nausea, hallucinations, stomach bleeding - you name it. More or less severe symptoms of poisoning."
"Werewolves can’t be poisoned to death," said Snape, flicking away the cigarette end.
"Not to death, no. But they can be poisoned." Lupin paused and stared into space. Snape watched him, motionless, until Lupin took a long, shaky breath and continued, "Breaking the werewolf’s bones was considered a panacea at one time. It was discovered that when the werewolf’s spine is broken, the change kicks in more slowly, more reluctantly, and the more the vertebrae are dislodged, the more the change slows down."
"Werewolf change begins in the bones."
"Exactly. The skeleton has to be restructured. The impulse is carried out from the brain through the bone structure. Inside the bones. When it’s merely an arm or a leg that is broken, it doesn’t really matter, because sometimes bones snap during a transformation anyway, and the body mends them automatically. But the spine is… is different. It’s the crucial communication channel through which the impulse to change is sent to the lower part of the body. And it heals more slowly..."
"But it heals."
"Oh yes! It heals. We’re very good at healing.
"What benefit does it give, though? The change happens anyway."
"Yes, but at first, the werewolf is distracted, as his body changes only above the waist until the spine is mended. It is quite a handicap, and it distracts the werewolf’s mind completely from attacking anyone. And besides, before the reason for the partial change was discovered, people got quite enthusiastic about the fact that there was the possibility of preventing the change by breaking the spine. Research was carried out into what would happen if other bones were broken, as well. The futility of the attempts became quite apparent very soon, but some thorough researchers wanted to make it completely sure."
In the silence that followed, Snape could hear the sound of water running in the bathroom. ‘I forgot to turn off the taps,’ he thought absent-mindedly, watching Lupin lighting up another cigarette.
"Albus doesn’t know, then," Snape startled by the sound of his own voice, which sounded thick and raspy. He cleared his throat.
Lupin shook his head. "No," he said softly. "Albus doesn’t know that before I came to Hogwarts, my parents had tried out all available methods to cure me from my condition. They didn’t want me to suffer all my life, you see, and thought it better to have me swallow hemlock extract and to have my bones smashed if that was what it took to stop me from becoming a monster-"
"That’s enough, Lupin!" To his own surprise, Snape realised his left hand was clutching the banister tightly. He loosened his grip.
"You wanted to know, Severus-"
"I know I did. I know now."
Lupin took a deep drag and released his breath in a cloud of smoke, watching Snape from unreadable eyes. "Will you tell Albus?"
"It's not my story to tell, is it?"
"So why did you want to know?"
"Did you think I wanted to acquire information I could use against you?"
"It wouldn’t be the first time," Lupin answered politely.
"That’s different."
"Why?"
"Because," Snape took a deep breath and pushed himself off the banister, "this one is a mutual transaction. A confession for a confession, remember?"
Lupin fell silent again. His hand went up to his hair, pushing the dirty strands out of his face. He winced as it encountered the strands stuck together with Snape’s semen. Snape clicked his tongue impatiently.
"Get up, Lupin!"
"I thought I’d be getting a confession in return?" Lupin raised his eyebrows.
"You will be. But you’ll be getting a bath first. I’m not talking to you while you’re in this filthy state."
"That didn’t stop you from listening-"
"I was curious. Now, I’m merely disgusted." He didn’t specify what disgusted him, and instead, extended his hand and pulled Lupin to his feet, who, surprised by such a gesture, forgot to object. Snape swirled around and led the way to the bathroom.
As soon as his gaze fell on the mirror, Lupin stopped dead. Snape had turned to the bathtub and was drawing a bath, watching lazily as the water turned slowly from brown to yellow to off-white and finally to transparent before he blocked the drain. Without turning his head, he sensed Lupin’s presence as the man stared at his own reflection.
"There’s blood all over my face," Lupin said tonelessly.
"Yes."
"I must have hurt you."
"You did."
"So why-"
"Oh, for heaven’s sake, hold your tongue!" Snape snapped. "I said I would tell you. Do you think I would back out?"
Lupin seemed to honestly consider the question. "No. I know you’re an honourable man, in your own way."
The corners of Snape’s mouth twitched. "The change really affects your brain, doesn’t it?"
"Severus," said Lupin earnestly, turning around. "Don’t you ever dare deliver insults in a teasing tone. I’m still in shock, you know."
"Very well. Henceforth, I shall try to live up to your expectations by being appropriately, unreasonable and delivering low blows only," replied Snape haughtily, and thought, ‘I am flirting with Lupin. I am flirting with Lupin.’ Lupin, however, ignored his remark and conjured up a toothbrush instead. When he bent over the sink, Snape’s gaze trailed down the exposed body and stopped dead at the faint, silvery scar just visible on the small of Lupin’s back. His hand came up of its own accord, and he gripped one bony hip tightly, feeling the muscles tighten under his hand. Lupin’s back straightened and he took a step to the side, but Snape didn’t let go and motioned the other man around. Their eyes locked in the mirror.
"You’ve got a scar there," said Snape, his thumb trailing gently over Lupin’s skin. "Werewolves are supposed to heal well enough to be left without scars."
"That was a nasty wound." Lupin shrugged in a dismissive manner, but his eyes remained wary.
"I see." Snape slid his hand along Lupin’s flank, pressed his palm against the small of his back. "How long did it take to heal?"
"The whole night." Lupin took a deep breath and squirmed away from the soft touch. "The whole night after… it had been broken." He looked defiantly into Snape’s face, as though challenging him to make a remark, but Snape’s gaze remained on his back, taking in the curves and angles of the thin body. In spite of his sickly appearance, Lupin, like most of his kind, was well muscled, in a defined, sinewy way. Although he did look undernourished, his physique gave the impression of underlying strength. Snape pressed his lips together. Lupin was deceptive in every respect, it seemed.
"Why, then?" insisted Lupin some time later, sprawled out in the warm water. Snape had sat down on the toilet lid, his gaze intent and focused; he was studying a Dark creature, he told himself firmly. It was... fascinating, certainly, and the vague feeling of unease was merely due to the fact that a werewolf was a danger that couldn’t be calculated, no matter which shape it assumed. However, with the blood washed away and his hair damp and soft, Lupin no longer looked like the savage he was. Like the savage he had been during the whole night. He had regained his calm demeanour, and it was high time to remind him of the beast that lingered inside. Snape’s mouth curled up in a sneer.
"You must be very desperate if you lower yourself as far as to continue begging me for an answer." He crossed his legs and surveyed his fingernails nonchalantly. Lupin shrugged once again. It was starting to get on Snape’s nerves.
"I don’t think I could humiliate myself more before you than I already have done, tonight. It is of the utmost importance for me to know what I’ve done - what I’m capable of doing when I’m changed. I am fully at the mercy of your whim, but I’ve got to know." He had raised himself in the tub, torso gleaming in the dim light. "So please tell me. Please?"
"Why?"
"Why?" Lupin gave a short, mirthless laugh. "Because knowing what I do is a crucial part of what defines my humanity, Severus! I must be aware of my actions. If I’m not, I might just as well go off and start living in the Forbidden Forest, remaining changed for the whole of the month and not caring about the consequences of my actions for others."
"You’re never aware of your actions when you’re changed, though," said Snape slowly, trailing one thin finger along the bathtub lip. "Why the sudden interest?"
"Severus," Lupin’s voice teetered on the edge of desperation. "Usually, when I’m changed, I don’t hurt anyone but myself-"
"I told you, Lupin, you didn’t hurt me-"
"No. You told me you let me. That’s a hell of a difference. If something, anything happens that affects others, I’ve got to know it. Do you understand? I’ve got to. Don’t make me force you!" His voice had risen to an angry snarl, and Snape felt a shiver of excitement trail down his spine.
"My, my, who’d have thought civilised Remus Lupin would be capable of such threats," Snape purred silkily, leaning in closer. His eyes locked with Lupin’s. "Make me," he whispered.
Lupin shot up in a fraction of a second and wrapped one hand around the front of Snape’s robe, pulling sharply. "Don’t play your games with me, Snape," he growled in a low voice, shaking the other man effortlessly. "I am not going to be fucked around with."
Snape groaned. "Yeah, like that, Lupin." He saw Lupin’s eyes widen suddenly, before the other man let go as though burned and fell back into the warm water. Snape smirked.
"You sick bastard," Lupin said with a mixture of awe and disgust. "You’re getting off on this."
"I must admit, Lupin, that it was the total lack of control on your part that made me submit to the little, ah, orgy you put me through - rather than use the Killing Curse." He watched the blood drain from Lupin’s face before he continued. "You might want to consider adopting such an approach more often. It’d improve your sex life a treat."
"I’m not entirely sure you are the right person to give me advice on my sex life," said Lupin thoughtfully, watching Snape’s face.
"I rather enjoyed myself last night," Snape said and instantly cursed the slight breathlessness in his voice.
"Did you, now?" Lupin fell back and covered his face with his hand, his elbow resting on the edge of the tub. Snape lowered his head slightly, letting his hair fall into his face. He was watching his fingers closely as they danced across the chopped enamel when Lupin spoke again.
"What do you want from me, Severus?"
Snape choked on the breath he was taking on the intensity in Lupin’s voice. When he looked up, Lupin’s face was still hidden behind his hand. He swallowed and waited until the other man shifted his hand and opened his eyes. Their expression was mild and friendly, and something within Snape exploded.
"Stop hiding!" he spat, jumping to his feet and looming over Lupin. "Stop hiding behind your hand," he jerked the offending limb away, "your smile and your fucking civilised tone! I am sick of seeing a mask every time I look at you, sick of your polite conversation, sick of your lies and your side-stepping-"
Lupin stood up and shook Snape by his shoulders, firmly. "Severus! Stop that. I said," he let go of one bony shoulder and slapped the other man across the face. "Stop! That!" Snape’s breath hitched and the words died in his throat. He took one step back, his face closing, and felt an odd numbness crawl slowly into his brain, as though the last bit of rationality was draining out of him. He took a few deep breaths, struggling for control, but it was difficult to remain unruffled under Lupin’s scrutinising gaze.
Lupin. He as good as propositioned the man and was pushed back, in that infuriatingly polite and
considerate manner. Any moment now, Lupin would ask him whether he was all right, and then, he should have his wand ready-
He hadn’t noticed his arms had come up of their own accord and wrapped themselves around him. Lupin had watched him withdraw into himself, but now, he extended one hand and put it on Snape’s arm, pressing gently.
"Severus," he tugged the arm, "I can’t change who I am, or what I am. The most I can do is to offer you a truce, for now." Snape’s lips curled up in an angry snarl, but Lupin shook his head and continued. "I don’t offer you compassion, or understanding, or friendship, for that matter, so stop looking as though you wanted to bite my head off. I can however, promise to try to stop pretending to not feel the things I feel if you, in turn, stop pretending to feel things you don’t feel."
Snape raised one eyebrow. "Like what?"
"Like despising me."
"Ah."
"Ah, indeed." Lupin tilted his head. "Have we got a deal?"
Snape snorted. "Again? Albus will be delighted to hear what great progress we’ve made."
"Albus. What will you tell him?"
"Not much. Not that."
"Tell him it was a failure."
"Was it one?"
"Yes."
"You kept your form."
"But I lost my mind," Lupin said softly.
Snape gave him a long look and nodded. "We'd better get going soon. I," he hesitated and looked down his half-exposed torso, "I need to wash myself first."
"Did you really enjoy yourself?" asked Lupin lightly a few minutes later, apparently deeply involved in rubbing his hair dry, as Snape was drawing himself a bath.
"Quite a bit. You really don’t remember anything?"
"No," Lupin lowered the towel and turned around. "I wish I did, though," he said, and the tone of his voice sent shivers down Snape’s spine. "What did we do?"
Snape felt a sudden gush of heat pool in his belly. It was physically impossible to get aroused yet again, and he wasn’t, but it was possible for his heartbeat to accelerate and his breathing to shallow. He tried to sneer in the familiar dismissive manner, but his face muscles refused to cooperate under the intent gaze of Lupin’s suddenly darkened eyes. "We," he began and paused to clear his throat. "We... you fucked me through the floorboards," he finished vehemently, letting his gaze drop. Trust Lupin to casually hold his towel in front of his groin... Although that was an indicator in itself. Snape smirked.
He stepped closer and saw rather than felt Lupin’s breath catch as the other man parted his lips slightly. "Apart from that, we didn’t do much. You weren’t exactly in the mood for... kissing and... such."
"I’m sorry," breathed Lupin, and Snape’s eyes flashed angrily.
"I told you I wanted it-"
"I’m not sorry for you. I'm sorry for myself." Lupin licked his lips nervously. "I’m quite fond of kissing."
"You wouldn’t have remembered it anyway," pointed out Snape. The fingers of his right hand brushed over Lupin’s wrist and he pushed gently downwards, relishing the way Lupin’s irises disappeared completely. Snape looked down.
"You’re right, Severus." For once, the intimate use of his name shot straight to his knees, liquefying them. However, the reason for the sudden weakness could have also been the sight of Lupin’s growing erection, which twitched enticingly even as Snape watched. "That is certainly something I’d like to remember."
Snape forced Lupin’s fingers open and the towel dropped to the floor. "Maybe it’s not too late yet," he whispered huskily. Lupin groaned hotly and, cupping Snape’s head, closed the distance between them in one smooth motion. Snape’s lips parted under the lightest pressure and he let in the slim, hot tongue willingly. Its tip slid over the upper row of Snape’s teeth before Lupin forced it in deeper, sliding across and over Snape’s and tasting the inside of his mouth with long, enthusiastic swipes. Snape’s body arched into the firm embrace and as his robe fell open, both men hissed at the contact. Lupin’s hand snaked inside the robe and around Snape’s waist, holding the other man in place.
"You’re smearing blood all over me again," Lupin leaned back on the wall, panting heavily. Snape flattened his palm on the other’s heaving chest.
"You'd better get into the bath and clean yourself, then."
"That’s a very sensible suggestion," Lupin’s mouth twitched, but his eyes remained hot and dark.
"I’m full of sensible suggestions, Lupin," Snape shrugged off his robe and stepped into the bath tub. "If only you would listen."
"I could think of several responses to that claim, but seeing as we’re having a truce," Lupin slid smoothly into the water and Snape’s arms, "I'd better keep silent."
"There are more sensible things to do with that mouth of yours," agreed Snape before, "Ah!" he added. "That is... stretching the definition of ‘truce’ rather a lot."
"Severus?"
"Mmh?"
"Will you tell me what I did to you last night?" Lupin arched his back and wrapped one arm around Snape’s neck. "I’d really like to hear the details from your mouth."
"Very well." Snape shifted, his hand travelling down Lupin’s chest. First, your eyes turned yellow..."
The End
I have followed the discussion resulting from![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
marinarusalka's Dumbledore essay on ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
hp_essays (and have contributed a lengthy comment which basically is my Dumbledore essay), and in combination with the other Dumbledore essays I've read, as well as the fact that mimine once pointed out the similarity between Dumbledore's and Lupin's characters (i.e. manipulative liars), I realised something that I feel the need to address.
Everyone who has read more than one entry on my LJ will have noticed that I do like Remus Lupin. In fact, I rather adore him. I've discussed his characterisation with several people by email and I have posted comments (most often rather lengthy ones) on other people's journals. I do hope that everyone who has read my opinion on Remus realises that I don't like him because he is nice, essentially good person, but because he is a smooth liar who tends to dodge responsibility. He withholds important information all throughout PoA. We all know it, we all criticise it.
What strikes me as rather mysterious is why everyone accuses Remus on not telling Dumbledore about Sirius' Animagus form, when not one anti-Dumbledore essay (unless I missed it) lists the fact that Dumbledore knew about the tunnel leading to the Shack because he was the one who had it built as one of Dumbledore's many failures. Remus didn't have to give that information. He had it from Dumbledore, after all.
The fact that Sirius is an Animagus is certainly very important, but it isn't how he got into the castle. It is how he escaped Azkaban - and travelled the country. He would have been able to get into the castle even without being able to turn into a dog. He moved around the castle human-shaped. Being able to turn into a dog made it easier, but the major reason he was able to get on the grounds was the tunnel which Dumbledore himself had built and yet not blocked - although he had Filch supervise/make inaccessible all the other secret passages to the castle, just in case.
Remus is guilty of withholding information in many instances, but not of withholding from Dumbledore how Sirius got into the castle.
BTW,marinarusalka, this doesn't refer to your essay, which focuses on quite a different aspect of Dumbledore's character. It's merely something-I've-always-wanted-to-say.
Part I
Truce, Struck in Darkness
The brief expression of bewilderment on Lupin’s bloodied face, when he took in the display before him, was almost instantly replaced by shock, horror, and disgust. The moment he opened his mouth to speak, he was already clasping a hand over his mouth and was tumbling to his feet and out of the room, bumping his shoulder on the door frame with a dull thud.
Snape heard him throw up on the landing.
He forced his body into submission, hoisted himself up, fetched his wand and pulled on his robe before he went out to look after Lupin, who was being violently, mercilessly sick. Snape tried to sneer down at the pathetic display, but his face muscles ignored him and settled for slack resignation instead. Lupin wouldn’t stop vomiting, supporting himself on trembling arms, and Snape knelt down beside him, wrapped one arm around the thin chest and pulled the man’s hair back from his face. "For heaven’s sake, Lupin, you’ll rip your stomach apart," he said as Lupin coughed dryly and spat bile. "Stop it or Albus will be after my blood."
The heaving grew weaker, and between the coughs, Lupin was forming words that Snape leaned in to catch. He thought he heard a ‘Sorry’ but the rest was swallowed by a new wave of nausea, and Snape held the shivering man until it passed. He cleaned the mess with a flick of his wand and went to the bathroom to fetch water.
He stared unseeingly at the rough, corroded taps until the yellowish water turned pale, and forced the muscles in his neck to lift his head.
A look in the chipped, dirty mirror blurred his vision momentarily. His face was paler than death, lips bitten, and a dark bruise was forming on his left cheekbone, which had been pressed into the floorboards. But it was the sight of the dark blood trails that almost made him pass out as he realised what his brain had been trying to signal him. With a thunderous bang, he threw the door open and charged at Lupin, who was cowering, face white, body shivering, by the wall.
"You!" Snape roared. "You... monster! I’ll kill you, werewolf! I’ll kill you! I’ll make you pay for this!"
His wand quivered inches before Lupin’s face, but just before Snape spat out the curse, any curse, Lupin’s arm came up in a blur and he caught Snape’s wrist in his hand. He was still trembling, but his grip was confident.
"You have every right to do so, Severus," he said in a low, hoarse voice. "But before you begin, I want you to know that I had no intention whatsoever of hurting you. I told you to lock me up if you noticed that something was wrong."
"You dare talk to me like that? You dare blame me?" Snape hissed, wrestling his arm from the tight grip. "After what you’ve done to me? You've destroyed my life, and I swear to god that I will not rest until I make the rest of yours a living hell."
"Severus, I," Lupin closed his eyes, leaning his head on the wall behind him. "I know it is very... painful for you, but could you please tell me what happened? I don’t understand why... I did it, and..." he trailed off, embarrassed.
"You don’t understand why you did it?!" Snape’s voice rose, high-pitched with rage. "You don’t- You have the impudence to deny your nature, to tell me you don’t know why you did what is your kind’s sole purpose in life?!"
Lupin’s eyes snapped open. "What? No, I- now I don’t understand. I don’t think that... raping humans is very high on the list of werewolf behaviour."
"Rapi-" Snape choked on the word. "You bit me, werewolf! You turned me into... Oh my god," Snape’s knees gave way and he leaned on the banister. "You made me one of... You turned me-"
"Severus!" said Lupin forcefully, leaning forward. "Severus! No, that’s not true. Listen to me: I haven’t turned you into a werewolf. Do you understand?"
"What do you mean, you haven’t turned me?" snarled Snape. "You bit me, you-" he tugged on his collar, exposing the angry bite marks on his neck and chest. "You bit me!"
"Yes, but I was human-shaped, wasn’t I?" Lupin’s expression had darkened at the sight of the wounds, but his voice was steady. "Werewolf bites are harmful only when the werewolf is in wolf shape. I wasn’t. You’re safe."
"How do you know? How do you know I’m not... infected?"
"Well. You didn’t change, did you?" Lupin answered matter-of-factly.
"Of course not. I’ve been only just bitten. I-" he paused and locked his eyes on Lupin’s face. "Are you saying that had I been- had your bite been-" he broke off and swallowed. "That I should have changed straight away?"
"Certainly. That’s the only way people survive a werewolf attack," carried on Lupin, slumping back into the corner. "A werewolf would not stop tearing into a human, biting them to bits. But the moment a human receives the bite, they change into a wolf themselves and are safe. As safe as it gets, in any case."
"Are you sure?"
Lupin merely glanced up at him.
Snape’s features relaxed slowly. He was watching Lupin with a peculiar, almost open expression on his face, his eyes very dark against the white skin.
"But still," continued Lupin, "I hurt you. It was unforgivable, and I don’t expect you to ever forgive me. But I hope you can tell me how it happened."
Wordlessly, Snape turned on his heel and disappeared into the bathroom again. He steadied himself against the sink to regain his equilibrium, and poured out a glass of water that he downed in one go. He carried another glass out and offered it to Lupin.
"So you thought you-" he gestured vaguely and frowned. "And that made you sick?"
Lupin nodded. He was drinking the water in small, careful sips as though not trusting his stomach to hold it.
Snape’s mouth curled up. "You didn’t," he admitted coldly. "I let you."
Lupin’s head snapped up. "Don’t!" he said sharply.
"Don’t what?"
"Don’t lie!"
"I’m not lying." He stared into Lupin’s angry face and sighed. "Here." He stepped closer and opened his robe, fully revealing pale expanses of skin. "Do you see these?" he indicated the white stains on his stomach. "How do you think they got there?"
Lupin stared incredulously. "You’ve come," he said in a small voice.
"No less than four times, and believe me, that doesn’t happen often within one night."
"Four times," Lupin repeated blandly, still staring at Snape’s stomach.
Snape reached out and tugged on one strand of Lupin’s hair. "You should wash your hair before you get out of here. Albus might ask odd questions."
"In my hair?!"
"On your face," Snape replied coolly, watching in amusement as Lupin instinctively reached up to wipe his face.
Lupin’s hand fell back in his lap. "Severus," he said, "Severus, I-" he shifted, sitting up against the wall. "Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why did you let me? I could have hurt you. I did hurt you."
Snape’s black eyes were fixed on Lupin’s face. "I will tell you if you tell me something in return. If you tell me something first," he corrected himself.
Lupin eyed him warily. As always, Snape felt irritation building up at the sight of the other man’s alert eyes framed by the tired face. But time had come at last to wipe that guarded, smug expression from those eyes.
"Well?" Snape raised an eyebrow. "Have we got a deal?"
"A confession for a confession?" Lupin said softly. "What are you after, Severus?"
Snape shrugged. "Maybe I just want to hear you speak the truth, openly. For once"
Lupin had the decency not to argue the point, and in spite of himself, Snape felt mildly impressed. This merely increased his irritation.
"Very well," said Lupin, shifting again against the cold wall and stretching out one long leg, seemingly unselfconscious in his nakedness. He propped up his lower arm on his bent knee and flexed his fingers. "Ask."
"Why did you drink the potion?"
Lupin’s head snapped up. "What do you mean, why? Because the whole purpose of this project was to establish the potion’s effects on a werewolf."
Snape narrowed his eyes. "Don’t play your games with me, Lupin," he said in a dangerous whisper. "That’s not what I was asking, and you know that. Why did you drink the potion? What were you afraid of?"
"Afraid, Severus? Do you think I’d have drunk it if I was afraid?"
"I saw you in Dumbledore’s office, Lupin. ‘Would it hurt to try?’ Albus said." He saw with satisfaction Lupin’s features freeze at the sounds of the words. "And then you complied. Very unexpectedly so, I thought. So here goes my question again, and if you don’t answer, you will have forfeited your chance of ever learning what happened here tonight. Why did you drink the potion? What is it you’re hiding that Albus isn’t supposed to know? You didn’t want Albus to get suspicious by refusing to cooperate, and I want to know why."
Lupin leaned his head back heavily, eyes very dark and calm. "You’ve got me where you wanted me, haven’t you, now?" he said quietly. "You know of course that I’ve got to know what I did tonight."
Snape nodded coolly.
"I-" Lupin broke off and released his breath in a snort of laughter. "I think I need a cigarette first," he said vehemently, threading his fingers through the heap of his robes and pulling out his wand. "Do you want one, Severus?"
"I don’t smoke."
"Neither do I." Lupin muttered a spell and a box of cigarettes appeared in his hand. "Here." He offered it to Snape, who took one and lit it with his wand.
"Well?" He prompted after a few drags. Lupin sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.
"What do you know about the... therapy methods that used to be applied to werewolves?" He asked finally. Snape ground his teeth at the sound of Lupin’s voice falling into teacher mode.
"Not much. You tell me, Lupin."
"Before the development of the Wolfsbane Potion, there had been attempts to find solutions for the werewolf problem," said Lupin thoughtfully, pulling on his cigarette. "Family members, who didn’t want a monster among their relatives but couldn’t bring themselves to kill the werewolf and have done with it. You know of course," he stretched out his leg further, positively lounging by the wall with an air of desperate determination, "that killing a werewolf used to hardly ever have any legal consequences. Most killings have been hushed up." At Snape’s impatient huff, Lupin merely smiled vaguely and continued in the same tone. "Other people who tried to find a cure were scientists, healers, who acted either out of humanity or because of the prestige a success promised. In any case, countless treatment and therapy methods have been introduced over the years; the potion you were working on is only the tip of the iceberg."
"Thank you for this interesting history lesson, Lupin," Snape snarled, his thin patience worn off. "I’ve read the same books you have."
"In that case, you know that the list of failed attempts included, in no particular order, exorcism, letting the werewolf in question bleed until he would faint, poisoning the werewolf with a blend of humulus lupulis and hemlock before the change in order to knock him out and lessen the danger for his environment, breaking the werewolf’s bones in order to confuse the body and to disrupt the normal procedure of the change, fastening a tight collar - often a silver one - around the werewolf’s neck while he was still human-shaped to cut off the air supply, sometimes almost completely, when the change is completed. Of course, all the changed werewolf would do in such a case was try to get rid of the collar in order to be able to breathe. Sometimes he would pass out from lack of oxygen. As to the various potions and poisons applied, the problem is to get the dose right." Snape nodded in confirmation. "Ah yes, you know everything about that particular problem, of course," Lupin smiled a twisted little smile, his cigarette burning down slowly, forgotten between his fingers. "The dose of hemlock has to be fairly high to have the desired effect on the changed werewolf. So in the end, the werewolf would often end up with an overdose and, human-shaped again, would suffer from nausea, hallucinations, stomach bleeding - you name it. More or less severe symptoms of poisoning."
"Werewolves can’t be poisoned to death," said Snape, flicking away the cigarette end.
"Not to death, no. But they can be poisoned." Lupin paused and stared into space. Snape watched him, motionless, until Lupin took a long, shaky breath and continued, "Breaking the werewolf’s bones was considered a panacea at one time. It was discovered that when the werewolf’s spine is broken, the change kicks in more slowly, more reluctantly, and the more the vertebrae are dislodged, the more the change slows down."
"Werewolf change begins in the bones."
"Exactly. The skeleton has to be restructured. The impulse is carried out from the brain through the bone structure. Inside the bones. When it’s merely an arm or a leg that is broken, it doesn’t really matter, because sometimes bones snap during a transformation anyway, and the body mends them automatically. But the spine is… is different. It’s the crucial communication channel through which the impulse to change is sent to the lower part of the body. And it heals more slowly..."
"But it heals."
"Oh yes! It heals. We’re very good at healing.
"What benefit does it give, though? The change happens anyway."
"Yes, but at first, the werewolf is distracted, as his body changes only above the waist until the spine is mended. It is quite a handicap, and it distracts the werewolf’s mind completely from attacking anyone. And besides, before the reason for the partial change was discovered, people got quite enthusiastic about the fact that there was the possibility of preventing the change by breaking the spine. Research was carried out into what would happen if other bones were broken, as well. The futility of the attempts became quite apparent very soon, but some thorough researchers wanted to make it completely sure."
In the silence that followed, Snape could hear the sound of water running in the bathroom. ‘I forgot to turn off the taps,’ he thought absent-mindedly, watching Lupin lighting up another cigarette.
"Albus doesn’t know, then," Snape startled by the sound of his own voice, which sounded thick and raspy. He cleared his throat.
Lupin shook his head. "No," he said softly. "Albus doesn’t know that before I came to Hogwarts, my parents had tried out all available methods to cure me from my condition. They didn’t want me to suffer all my life, you see, and thought it better to have me swallow hemlock extract and to have my bones smashed if that was what it took to stop me from becoming a monster-"
"That’s enough, Lupin!" To his own surprise, Snape realised his left hand was clutching the banister tightly. He loosened his grip.
"You wanted to know, Severus-"
"I know I did. I know now."
Lupin took a deep drag and released his breath in a cloud of smoke, watching Snape from unreadable eyes. "Will you tell Albus?"
"It's not my story to tell, is it?"
"So why did you want to know?"
"Did you think I wanted to acquire information I could use against you?"
"It wouldn’t be the first time," Lupin answered politely.
"That’s different."
"Why?"
"Because," Snape took a deep breath and pushed himself off the banister, "this one is a mutual transaction. A confession for a confession, remember?"
Lupin fell silent again. His hand went up to his hair, pushing the dirty strands out of his face. He winced as it encountered the strands stuck together with Snape’s semen. Snape clicked his tongue impatiently.
"Get up, Lupin!"
"I thought I’d be getting a confession in return?" Lupin raised his eyebrows.
"You will be. But you’ll be getting a bath first. I’m not talking to you while you’re in this filthy state."
"That didn’t stop you from listening-"
"I was curious. Now, I’m merely disgusted." He didn’t specify what disgusted him, and instead, extended his hand and pulled Lupin to his feet, who, surprised by such a gesture, forgot to object. Snape swirled around and led the way to the bathroom.
As soon as his gaze fell on the mirror, Lupin stopped dead. Snape had turned to the bathtub and was drawing a bath, watching lazily as the water turned slowly from brown to yellow to off-white and finally to transparent before he blocked the drain. Without turning his head, he sensed Lupin’s presence as the man stared at his own reflection.
"There’s blood all over my face," Lupin said tonelessly.
"Yes."
"I must have hurt you."
"You did."
"So why-"
"Oh, for heaven’s sake, hold your tongue!" Snape snapped. "I said I would tell you. Do you think I would back out?"
Lupin seemed to honestly consider the question. "No. I know you’re an honourable man, in your own way."
The corners of Snape’s mouth twitched. "The change really affects your brain, doesn’t it?"
"Severus," said Lupin earnestly, turning around. "Don’t you ever dare deliver insults in a teasing tone. I’m still in shock, you know."
"Very well. Henceforth, I shall try to live up to your expectations by being appropriately, unreasonable and delivering low blows only," replied Snape haughtily, and thought, ‘I am flirting with Lupin. I am flirting with Lupin.’ Lupin, however, ignored his remark and conjured up a toothbrush instead. When he bent over the sink, Snape’s gaze trailed down the exposed body and stopped dead at the faint, silvery scar just visible on the small of Lupin’s back. His hand came up of its own accord, and he gripped one bony hip tightly, feeling the muscles tighten under his hand. Lupin’s back straightened and he took a step to the side, but Snape didn’t let go and motioned the other man around. Their eyes locked in the mirror.
"You’ve got a scar there," said Snape, his thumb trailing gently over Lupin’s skin. "Werewolves are supposed to heal well enough to be left without scars."
"That was a nasty wound." Lupin shrugged in a dismissive manner, but his eyes remained wary.
"I see." Snape slid his hand along Lupin’s flank, pressed his palm against the small of his back. "How long did it take to heal?"
"The whole night." Lupin took a deep breath and squirmed away from the soft touch. "The whole night after… it had been broken." He looked defiantly into Snape’s face, as though challenging him to make a remark, but Snape’s gaze remained on his back, taking in the curves and angles of the thin body. In spite of his sickly appearance, Lupin, like most of his kind, was well muscled, in a defined, sinewy way. Although he did look undernourished, his physique gave the impression of underlying strength. Snape pressed his lips together. Lupin was deceptive in every respect, it seemed.
"Why, then?" insisted Lupin some time later, sprawled out in the warm water. Snape had sat down on the toilet lid, his gaze intent and focused; he was studying a Dark creature, he told himself firmly. It was... fascinating, certainly, and the vague feeling of unease was merely due to the fact that a werewolf was a danger that couldn’t be calculated, no matter which shape it assumed. However, with the blood washed away and his hair damp and soft, Lupin no longer looked like the savage he was. Like the savage he had been during the whole night. He had regained his calm demeanour, and it was high time to remind him of the beast that lingered inside. Snape’s mouth curled up in a sneer.
"You must be very desperate if you lower yourself as far as to continue begging me for an answer." He crossed his legs and surveyed his fingernails nonchalantly. Lupin shrugged once again. It was starting to get on Snape’s nerves.
"I don’t think I could humiliate myself more before you than I already have done, tonight. It is of the utmost importance for me to know what I’ve done - what I’m capable of doing when I’m changed. I am fully at the mercy of your whim, but I’ve got to know." He had raised himself in the tub, torso gleaming in the dim light. "So please tell me. Please?"
"Why?"
"Why?" Lupin gave a short, mirthless laugh. "Because knowing what I do is a crucial part of what defines my humanity, Severus! I must be aware of my actions. If I’m not, I might just as well go off and start living in the Forbidden Forest, remaining changed for the whole of the month and not caring about the consequences of my actions for others."
"You’re never aware of your actions when you’re changed, though," said Snape slowly, trailing one thin finger along the bathtub lip. "Why the sudden interest?"
"Severus," Lupin’s voice teetered on the edge of desperation. "Usually, when I’m changed, I don’t hurt anyone but myself-"
"I told you, Lupin, you didn’t hurt me-"
"No. You told me you let me. That’s a hell of a difference. If something, anything happens that affects others, I’ve got to know it. Do you understand? I’ve got to. Don’t make me force you!" His voice had risen to an angry snarl, and Snape felt a shiver of excitement trail down his spine.
"My, my, who’d have thought civilised Remus Lupin would be capable of such threats," Snape purred silkily, leaning in closer. His eyes locked with Lupin’s. "Make me," he whispered.
Lupin shot up in a fraction of a second and wrapped one hand around the front of Snape’s robe, pulling sharply. "Don’t play your games with me, Snape," he growled in a low voice, shaking the other man effortlessly. "I am not going to be fucked around with."
Snape groaned. "Yeah, like that, Lupin." He saw Lupin’s eyes widen suddenly, before the other man let go as though burned and fell back into the warm water. Snape smirked.
"You sick bastard," Lupin said with a mixture of awe and disgust. "You’re getting off on this."
"I must admit, Lupin, that it was the total lack of control on your part that made me submit to the little, ah, orgy you put me through - rather than use the Killing Curse." He watched the blood drain from Lupin’s face before he continued. "You might want to consider adopting such an approach more often. It’d improve your sex life a treat."
"I’m not entirely sure you are the right person to give me advice on my sex life," said Lupin thoughtfully, watching Snape’s face.
"I rather enjoyed myself last night," Snape said and instantly cursed the slight breathlessness in his voice.
"Did you, now?" Lupin fell back and covered his face with his hand, his elbow resting on the edge of the tub. Snape lowered his head slightly, letting his hair fall into his face. He was watching his fingers closely as they danced across the chopped enamel when Lupin spoke again.
"What do you want from me, Severus?"
Snape choked on the breath he was taking on the intensity in Lupin’s voice. When he looked up, Lupin’s face was still hidden behind his hand. He swallowed and waited until the other man shifted his hand and opened his eyes. Their expression was mild and friendly, and something within Snape exploded.
"Stop hiding!" he spat, jumping to his feet and looming over Lupin. "Stop hiding behind your hand," he jerked the offending limb away, "your smile and your fucking civilised tone! I am sick of seeing a mask every time I look at you, sick of your polite conversation, sick of your lies and your side-stepping-"
Lupin stood up and shook Snape by his shoulders, firmly. "Severus! Stop that. I said," he let go of one bony shoulder and slapped the other man across the face. "Stop! That!" Snape’s breath hitched and the words died in his throat. He took one step back, his face closing, and felt an odd numbness crawl slowly into his brain, as though the last bit of rationality was draining out of him. He took a few deep breaths, struggling for control, but it was difficult to remain unruffled under Lupin’s scrutinising gaze.
Lupin. He as good as propositioned the man and was pushed back, in that infuriatingly polite and
considerate manner. Any moment now, Lupin would ask him whether he was all right, and then, he should have his wand ready-
He hadn’t noticed his arms had come up of their own accord and wrapped themselves around him. Lupin had watched him withdraw into himself, but now, he extended one hand and put it on Snape’s arm, pressing gently.
"Severus," he tugged the arm, "I can’t change who I am, or what I am. The most I can do is to offer you a truce, for now." Snape’s lips curled up in an angry snarl, but Lupin shook his head and continued. "I don’t offer you compassion, or understanding, or friendship, for that matter, so stop looking as though you wanted to bite my head off. I can however, promise to try to stop pretending to not feel the things I feel if you, in turn, stop pretending to feel things you don’t feel."
Snape raised one eyebrow. "Like what?"
"Like despising me."
"Ah."
"Ah, indeed." Lupin tilted his head. "Have we got a deal?"
Snape snorted. "Again? Albus will be delighted to hear what great progress we’ve made."
"Albus. What will you tell him?"
"Not much. Not that."
"Tell him it was a failure."
"Was it one?"
"Yes."
"You kept your form."
"But I lost my mind," Lupin said softly.
Snape gave him a long look and nodded. "We'd better get going soon. I," he hesitated and looked down his half-exposed torso, "I need to wash myself first."
"Did you really enjoy yourself?" asked Lupin lightly a few minutes later, apparently deeply involved in rubbing his hair dry, as Snape was drawing himself a bath.
"Quite a bit. You really don’t remember anything?"
"No," Lupin lowered the towel and turned around. "I wish I did, though," he said, and the tone of his voice sent shivers down Snape’s spine. "What did we do?"
Snape felt a sudden gush of heat pool in his belly. It was physically impossible to get aroused yet again, and he wasn’t, but it was possible for his heartbeat to accelerate and his breathing to shallow. He tried to sneer in the familiar dismissive manner, but his face muscles refused to cooperate under the intent gaze of Lupin’s suddenly darkened eyes. "We," he began and paused to clear his throat. "We... you fucked me through the floorboards," he finished vehemently, letting his gaze drop. Trust Lupin to casually hold his towel in front of his groin... Although that was an indicator in itself. Snape smirked.
He stepped closer and saw rather than felt Lupin’s breath catch as the other man parted his lips slightly. "Apart from that, we didn’t do much. You weren’t exactly in the mood for... kissing and... such."
"I’m sorry," breathed Lupin, and Snape’s eyes flashed angrily.
"I told you I wanted it-"
"I’m not sorry for you. I'm sorry for myself." Lupin licked his lips nervously. "I’m quite fond of kissing."
"You wouldn’t have remembered it anyway," pointed out Snape. The fingers of his right hand brushed over Lupin’s wrist and he pushed gently downwards, relishing the way Lupin’s irises disappeared completely. Snape looked down.
"You’re right, Severus." For once, the intimate use of his name shot straight to his knees, liquefying them. However, the reason for the sudden weakness could have also been the sight of Lupin’s growing erection, which twitched enticingly even as Snape watched. "That is certainly something I’d like to remember."
Snape forced Lupin’s fingers open and the towel dropped to the floor. "Maybe it’s not too late yet," he whispered huskily. Lupin groaned hotly and, cupping Snape’s head, closed the distance between them in one smooth motion. Snape’s lips parted under the lightest pressure and he let in the slim, hot tongue willingly. Its tip slid over the upper row of Snape’s teeth before Lupin forced it in deeper, sliding across and over Snape’s and tasting the inside of his mouth with long, enthusiastic swipes. Snape’s body arched into the firm embrace and as his robe fell open, both men hissed at the contact. Lupin’s hand snaked inside the robe and around Snape’s waist, holding the other man in place.
"You’re smearing blood all over me again," Lupin leaned back on the wall, panting heavily. Snape flattened his palm on the other’s heaving chest.
"You'd better get into the bath and clean yourself, then."
"That’s a very sensible suggestion," Lupin’s mouth twitched, but his eyes remained hot and dark.
"I’m full of sensible suggestions, Lupin," Snape shrugged off his robe and stepped into the bath tub. "If only you would listen."
"I could think of several responses to that claim, but seeing as we’re having a truce," Lupin slid smoothly into the water and Snape’s arms, "I'd better keep silent."
"There are more sensible things to do with that mouth of yours," agreed Snape before, "Ah!" he added. "That is... stretching the definition of ‘truce’ rather a lot."
"Severus?"
"Mmh?"
"Will you tell me what I did to you last night?" Lupin arched his back and wrapped one arm around Snape’s neck. "I’d really like to hear the details from your mouth."
"Very well." Snape shifted, his hand travelling down Lupin’s chest. First, your eyes turned yellow..."
The End
I have followed the discussion resulting from
marinarusalka's Dumbledore essay on hp_essays (and have contributed a lengthy comment which basically is my Dumbledore essay), and in combination with the other Dumbledore essays I've read, as well as the fact that mimine once pointed out the similarity between Dumbledore's and Lupin's characters (i.e. manipulative liars), I realised something that I feel the need to address.Everyone who has read more than one entry on my LJ will have noticed that I do like Remus Lupin. In fact, I rather adore him. I've discussed his characterisation with several people by email and I have posted comments (most often rather lengthy ones) on other people's journals. I do hope that everyone who has read my opinion on Remus realises that I don't like him because he is nice, essentially good person, but because he is a smooth liar who tends to dodge responsibility. He withholds important information all throughout PoA. We all know it, we all criticise it.
What strikes me as rather mysterious is why everyone accuses Remus on not telling Dumbledore about Sirius' Animagus form, when not one anti-Dumbledore essay (unless I missed it) lists the fact that Dumbledore knew about the tunnel leading to the Shack because he was the one who had it built as one of Dumbledore's many failures. Remus didn't have to give that information. He had it from Dumbledore, after all.
The fact that Sirius is an Animagus is certainly very important, but it isn't how he got into the castle. It is how he escaped Azkaban - and travelled the country. He would have been able to get into the castle even without being able to turn into a dog. He moved around the castle human-shaped. Being able to turn into a dog made it easier, but the major reason he was able to get on the grounds was the tunnel which Dumbledore himself had built and yet not blocked - although he had Filch supervise/make inaccessible all the other secret passages to the castle, just in case.
Remus is guilty of withholding information in many instances, but not of withholding from Dumbledore how Sirius got into the castle.
BTW,
marinarusalka, this doesn't refer to your essay, which focuses on quite a different aspect of Dumbledore's character. It's merely something-I've-always-wanted-to-say.
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SMOKING! I love, love, love Remus/Snape/Sirius smoking and people should make them do it more often. Mmmmmmmm.
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I sort of like that image, too. I don't care for cigarettes in RL, but there is a certain appeal to Sirius/Remus/Snape smoking. Snape, in his office, grading papers, collar unbuttoned, with a cigarette held casually between his fingers...
You're giving me ideas, lady!
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Snape, in his office, grading papers, collar unbuttoned, with a cigarette held casually between his fingers...
Sirius would be almost a chain-smoker, Remus would be much as you have him - cornered, forced to let his guard down, give me a calming prop for distraction. Snape...yes, it wouldn't be need or habit, just a privacy thing for him. A 'this is my time, I'll do as I like, especially if it's bad for me' thing.
Ideas are good! We like ideas ;-)
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Ideas, ideas...
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Personally, I think all it would take would be one cigarette, and he'd be gone. Maybe Azkaban would have forced him to quit, but I think once given the chance, he'd take it up again in a heartbeat given the amount of anxiety and stress that would come with breaking out and the problems that followed. And even if it wasn't cigarettes, it would be something else, IMO. It's just that cigarettes are the lesser of most evils. I could just as easily see him an alcoholic or a drug addict because both would offer a temporary release and an escape from dealing with the reality of what's going on.
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Kinks aside...What I like this pairing is that they are usually written as equals, as they are here. You have Lupin attempting to use his "calm demeanor" mask, but when it slips, there is a man as sharp-witted and intense as Snape.
Also, I liked the premise very much, that Lupin retained human form, but was left with the wolf's mind. I hadn't read that before and I love to be surprised by plots. :D
I'm thinking I need to read this through again to fully understand the motivations behind Lupin's agreeing to take the potion. For a while there, I thought he agreed in hopes that it would kill him. But I was rushed, I am not looking for explanations.
I was rushed just because it's so nice to read a meaty SS/RL story and I couldn't resist waiting to read it when I had more time. For now, thank you for writing and sharing. I'll be back!
love, lore
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Maybe I should have advertised it with men hanging around naked and covered in blood and semen. *loves the line*
are written as equals, as they are here
I like Snape/Black/Lupin pairings in all combinations when they are written as equals who antagonise each other and fight for dominance. So I usually try to include a shift in power throughout the fic. In spite of their different personalities, they have a lot in common, like the fact that they're all pretty fucked up men and a danger to society. I love to explore their interactions.
As to Lupin's motives... Um, the whole thing is more or less a pretence to make him agree with the experiment. Don't expect too much depth in the explanation *g*
I'll be back!
Looking forward to it :-)
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friended you, by the way. :} hope you don't mind.
on the tunnel--i'm still not sure whether or not dumbledore really wanted to keep black out... given that it should have been pretty easy for him to do so... but remus didn't know that sirius wasn't getting into the castle as a dog, and more importantly, he could have been captured outside the castle, before he could threaten the students, if the authorites were looking for a dog. and in that sense, i blame remus for allowing sirius access to the castle. in spirit if not in actuality.
yeah my head is really beginning to hurt from all this dumbledore contemplation... i don't know if i could begin to try to....
wait a second. dumbledore didn't know that sirius knew about the tunnel. because Remus Was Supposed To Keep Everything A Secret. if the marauders had never become animagi, they would have had no Use for the tunnel........... and..... ~_~ of course dumbledore knew sirius knew. because sirius told snape......
sigh. back to square one.
plot holes? what plot holes? nonsense.
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I don't try to say that Remus is entirely blameless. Of course he isn't, stupid secretive git. I merely wanted to point out that even though he didn't know any details about how Sirius managed to sneak in unseen, Dumbledore new about which passage Sirius was most likely using.
i generally avoid snupin like the plague
I've had my reservations as to Snupin because very often, the whole story would read like a buddy movie, with a grumpy Snape and a cheerful, chatty Remus. But there are some really good Snape/Lupin writers around, which is a good things, because these two can be very hot together.
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*lives in romantic fluff land, i know...*
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Sirius can go and shag Severus and they both let out their pent-up aggressions, and then Remus remains all mine!!! [insert maniac laughter here]
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i love the notion of him using sirius's emotions... all the implied guilt that must lie between them... yum.
sirius cracks me the fuck up. he's so... nuts. i love the way he doesn't give a damn about consequences (for others). but i don't feel sorry for him. well, i kind of do... but upon reflection i eventually decided that his death was the exact right way to go. maybe not the right time...
and then there's my poor little snapey-poo... he gets no love. circumstances spit on him at every turn. i can't shake the feeling that lupin would be laughing at him, holding him in contempt on some level, no matter how he acted. ;_; oh crap. must dig up why-lupin-resents-snape discussion... here we go
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I love the notion of him using sirius's emotions... all the implied guilt that must lie between them... yum.
Yes! Oh yes, I so agree. I am sure Remus, the slinky bastard, uses Sirius' guilt to manipulate him. In a very polite and unobtrusive way, of course.
Sirius is barking mad. I love his intensity, just as I love Severus'. Sirius would drive me mad. But I still love him.
he gets no love. circumstances spit on him at every turn. i can't shake the feeling that lupin would be laughing at him, holding him in contempt on some level, no matter how he acted.
I'm sure that's what Remus does in PoA, when he is deliberately polite and friendly to Severus. He smiles in Snape's face, knowing it drives him mad, but Snape's got no means of getting back for it because Remus doesn't - technically - do anything wrong.
*trolls off to read your thread*
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I based Remus' explanation on the way he talks about the Dementors and his explanations during the entire Shrieking Shak scene in PoA. He would be very matter-of-fact about it.
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That Dumbledore tehory is fascinating, thanks for the link!
The story... Loved it! Bestiality without the squick, that was nice. THe sex was itneresting but to be perfectly honest, the fact that Snape didn't try to stop Lupin from biting him and didn't make the connection of Lupin biting him and contracting his decease until the next morning, threw me off a bit. I see Snape as a lot more cautious in canon.
And I simply loved the thought of Snape getting off on pain (though Snape coming 4 times was a bit much for me). And I liked how Snape called Remus in on his lies and constant side stepping. I had to read Snape's little rant over and over again to savour it! However, Snape's flirtation with Lupin didn't work much for me.
Backhanded compliments I'm paying you, wouldn't you say? I'm sorry :-) mostly loved it. And I must also admit to a cigarette kink. I adore Smoker!Snape.
It's interesting how there are people who refuse to see Lupin's faults and love him and people who see Lupin's faults and love him for them.
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I fully understand your reservations, especially as to Snape's flirtation with Lupin. I didn't plan the ending that way. It sort of happened, and I let them have their own way. I blame the Christmas season which made me all warm and fluffy.
The plan was to make Snape get off on the mixture of pain and the fact that Lupin, for once, lost control. Even though Lupin was the aggressor, Snape could have taken him down at the beginning, simply because he was armed with his wand. I don't like the idea of a helplessly submissive Snape; he's got to be in control of his actions to a certain degree and actively consent to submitting to the game.
And the four times? Um, it's based on - dare I say it? - RL experience. It is possible... *g*
And I liked how Snape called Remus in on his lies and constant side stepping.
Yeah, Snape so hates Remus for it. I love fics in which Severus or Sirius force Remus to let his guard down and to admit to things and stop hiding behind his facade. Snape is just the person to do it.
And I definitely love Remus for his flaws. He's much more interesting that way.
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Oh, yes... with you on that. I want him to have a choice about it, ambiguous consent bothers me in that case, esp. with Snape who is such a damaged character already. But I do see him as someone who would enjoy giving up control once in a while without being in danger. Others read Snape as a total dom from canon but I like to see it backwards, a man who insists on controlling everything else about his life and into letting go in bed (even though there too he is in control, really).
As for the four times... I know it can happen. *blush* The thing is that I don't know whether it could happen to a man in his late thirties. However, Snape is a wizard and should he live to be as old as Dumbledore late thirties is nothing.
With all the Remus talk I'm honestly curious about what JKR has in store for him in the next books.
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Oh, and I <3 the smut. *drools* You rock! *glomps*
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Their confessions were difficutl to write; in canon it's impossible for them to achieve any level of openness and honesty, and although I can write them having sex, I find it extremely difficult to write them talking, because this so wouldn't happen. I'm glad it worked for you. I don't want them to become too soppy and too understanding. There's still more left what they don't say than what they do say.
The smut was fun. Strangely, much easier to write than the dialogue parts *g*
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And the biting. And the holding down. And the sniffing. And their bickering.
"Four times," Lupin repeated blandly, still staring at Snape's stomach. made me laugh. Repeatedly.
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Snape isn't turned on as much by the pain as by that loss of control, the de-masking.
Heh, that's good! This is exactly what I attempted to imply. The pain was there to distract Severus from thinking and realising what he was doing, but the reason he played along (and at first, he was in control of the situation, what with being armed and able to think straight) was the fact that Remus lost himself so utterly in his instincts.
And Severus also liked the pain, he says. Though he wouldn't admit it to Remus, not after they've recovered from the night's events.
"Four times," Lupin repeated blandly, still staring at Snape's stomach. made me laugh. Repeatedly.
LOL! That's good to know! Personally, I quite liked the idea of Remus' being shocked about the whole Snape-coming-all-over-the-place thing, so I'm even more happy it worked for you, too.
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I think what I like best about the Snape/Black and the Snape/Lupin pairings are the wary accomodations that must happen,
Oh, definitely! I am convinced that their hatred is genuine, but I like to think that, thrown in together by circumstances, they might attempt some sort of, well, truce. The difficulty is to keep the balance between the mistrust on the one hand and a final understanding on the other hand. They are not exactly easy to write, but the more fun to read - and to analyse.