So what is this restriction of underage wizardry all about?

[donnaimmaculata]

Why, I was wondering randomly, why didn't the Ministry send Harry an expulsion letter while he was performing underage wizardry while duelling with Voldemort? And why didn't they arrive to destroy his wand? I have come to assume that while underage wizardry is forbidden, it is impossible for the Ministry to tell that children from wizarding families do magic. Fred and George use spells when researching for Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes, and Ginny hexes her brothers with the Bat-Bogey hex. Plus, the Ministry couldn't tell it was Dobby and not Harry who enchanted the pudding in CoS. The logical explanation is, the Ministry can only tell magic has been performed, but not by whom, and they have no control over underage wizards and witched doing magic within a magical environment.

But the graveyard in GoF is ordinary Muggle territory. And Harry is definitely underage there. So why?

Obviously, for plot reasons. But I quite like the idea of Ministry owls arriving with letters that tell Harry he's expelled. And enraged Ministry officials arriving a few minutes later to give poor Harry a hard time and obliviate possible Muggle witnesses.

That reminds me, I was also randomly wondering about how mixed marriages can ever take place, since the wizards' approach to Muggles seems to be to modify the memory of those who have been in contact with the magical world. Unless they're the relatives of wizards/witches.

But what would happen if a Muggle woman met a wizard under strange circumstances? If that woman, let's say Mary Lou, had crossed the path of some rampaging Death Eaters and some members of the Order, let's say Remus and Severus, happened to rescue her? What would they tell her?



Mary Lou (comes round): Where am I?
Remus: Don't be afraid. You're safe.
Mary Lou: Who are you? And where are those masked people?
Remus: We brought you away. They can't reach you here.
Mary Lou: Where is here?
Remus: Ah, that's a bit tricky. It's a safe house. We've, um, Portkeyed you here.
Mary Lou: You what me here? Let me go!
Remus: That's not possible at the moment. You wouldn't be safe out there.
Snape (appears from the shadows): Oh for heaven's sake, Lupin, just Obliviate her already and let's get on with it!
Remus: Severus, she's got to understand.
Snape: Understand what? She's a Muggle, Lupin.
Remus: My father was a Muggle.
Snape: *snorts*
Mary Lou: Excuse me, I'm a what?
Remus: A Muggle. That's what we call an, um, non-magical person.
Mary Lou: A wha- Wait a moment! That's a TV show, right? Where's the camera?
Snape: A what?
Remus: A television show.
Snape: Tele-vision? What, is this a form of Muggle spectacles?
Remus: Can be a spectacle, yes.
Mary Lou: If this is MTV Scare Tactics, let me tell you one thing: It is the most repulsive concept-
Remus: No, you're not on television. We're wizards.
Snape: *rolls eyes*
Mary Lou: I better not be! Because believe me, MTV ot not, I will sue your sorry asses...
Remus: We're wizards.
Mary Lou: ...I will not allow you to broadcast this- What do you mean, wizards?
Remus: Wizards. We do magic.
Snape: *snorts*
Mary Lou: *stares*
Remus: Here, I'll show you my wand...
Mary Lou: Don't you get anywhere near me!
Remus: But it's true. We can do magic. Severus, do tell her.
Snape: What do you expect? Shall I conjure up a rabbit or what?
Mary Lou: Can you?
Snape: *glares*
Snape: Oh, very well! *conjures up a top hat and pulls out a rabbit by its ears*
Mary Lou: How did you do that...?
Remus: I told you. We're wizards.
Mary Lou: That was a really good trick. Can I book you for my nephew's birthday?
Snape: *gapes*
Remus: No, no, no! We really are wizards. Look, I've got a broom! And we wear pointy hats! Severus, can you put on your pointy hat?
Snape: My pointy... what?!
Remus: *gives him the Look*
Snape: Oh, very well! *puts on pointy hat* That better?
Mary Lou: *edges away slowly*
Remus: See?
Mary Lou: Of course. You are wizards. Very good wizards, too, I'm sure. So now, dear wizards, can you, uh, magic me back home? With your magic wands?
Snape and Remus: *exchange exasperated looks*
Snape and Remus: Obliviate!
Remus: Why does this always happen?
Snape: Let's just dump her somewhere in a Muggle street.
Snape: Promise me one thing, Lupin: No more Muggles.
Remus: Oh, all right.
Snape: So what now?
Remus: How about you bringing Sirius back from the dead?
Snape: What, bring Black back?!
Remus: And then we could have sex with him.
Snape: *considers* Will I have to wear the pointy hat?
Remus: You won't have to wear anything, Severus.

Comments

[donnaimmaculata.livejournal.com]

The horrible concept of George Bush fanfiction has just formed in my brain. Mary-Sue in the White House! The President's new Personal Assistant, a young lady with a mysterious past, who was employed on account of her outstanding typing abilities! She wears designer suits (lowriders, tight-cut jackets and almost-but-not-quite transparent blouses) which emphasise her slim, yet curvy figure and bring out the colour of her eyes (purple-grey). At the office, she wears her hair in a tight bun, but she lets it down each night before she leaves, and it falls down to her waist in a cascade of shimmering, lush dark magenta curls. The day the terrorists break into the White House and kill off the staff one by one, she pulls out an impressive MG from her impressive cleavage and rescues the President's life in a mind-blowing one-woman showdown. The mystery of the past is then solved: She is a guardian angel sent down to earth to assist the purest of heart, and her mission was to ensure the President would survive - and win - the next election. Her mission completed, she is called upon to go back, but she fell in love with the human and forfeits her immortality for his sake to marry him.

Damn. He is married already. All right, the angel warrior didn't survive the final battle. She threw herself in the line of fire and died in his arms. Her sould, pure and golden, rose up like morning mist in springtime, and even the most cold-hearted terrorist (among those who survived) fell to their knees and sobbed and turned their back on the Islam. Before their execution a few weeks later, the terrorists have converted to Christianity and died with a smile on their lips, while Ellemenarda Angelinna Fabulosa's face appeared in the clouds and smiled benevolently at them. Yes.

[soawen.livejournal.com]

O.o Mommy, make the bad lady go away!

The sad thing is that I suspect some people of thinking this as a totally probable story line.

[donnaimmaculata.livejournal.com]

Of course it's probable! It wouldn't have written itself so fluently if it wasn't real.

[soawen.livejournal.com]

*sobs* It won't leave me alone! It demands an epilogue!

So, where were we? Yes, the Bad Guys repented and Ellemenarda Angelinna Fabulosa was peeping down from up on high...

But.

Satan never rests. While the recently saved Bad Guys were waiting for their just execution he appeared before them and spoke thus: "You're not going to get to fuck her anyway, and didn't you notice her acne?" One of the Bad Guys did recall a foundation-covered storm of what he had taken to be freckles, and he began to waver. Fortunately one of the others were not so easily deceived and prayed that Ellemenarda Angelinna Fabulosa would show herself and protect them from Satan's lies. Lo and behold, the cell filled with a blinding light, and Ellemenarda Angelinna Fabulosa stood between them and the Dark Lord himself! Now that they could see her large breasts again (and better this time 'cause she was wearing a flimsy white toga and there was a sharp light behind her), they knew they could not die without knowing they would soon be pressed against that soft bosom. Satan acknowledged his defeat and fled, and the former Bad Guys cried and thanked Ellemenarda Angelinna Fabulosa('s breasts) for saving them. Except one, for he was an ass-man, so he was just eyeing Satan's buttocks and quietly deciding to go down instead of up.

[donnaimmaculata.livejournal.com]

You are Teh Sickest!!!!111

I don't know what to say. I've got nothing to add. The arse-man is killing me. And what a reason for going down instead of going up.

*is completely dead*

*is also a little bit afraid* What will we come up with next time?

[ellensmithee.livejournal.com]

Been there, done that. Remember Monica Lewinsky?

[donnaimmaculata.livejournal.com]

Yes, she is the, er, [insert English term for 'Urmutter' here] of Ellemenarda Angelinna Fabulosa and all her kind.