mctabby's Nightmare Pairing Pledge

[donnaimmaculata]

I, Donna Immaculata, do solemnly swear that my favorite HP character is Remus Lupin and my least favorite character is Molly Weasley. The mere thought of them doing naughty things together makes me whimper. However... given sufficient crack and an infinite number of monkeys, here's how a Remus/Molly shag might happen (though I sincerely hope it never does, and if it does, I just don't want to know).

Necessary plot device or deus ex machina: Molly's menopause being in full swing already, she works herself into hysterics about the state of Harry's socks. As all her family rather hide in some forgotten corners in a house full of Dark magic than deal with Molly's humours, poor, patient Remus takes over.
Who makes the first move: Remus decides that the only way to shut her up is shoving his cock down her throat.
Positions and/or kinks: Remus' cock down her throat.
Afterglow: What with her nose blocked up with snot, Molly chokes to death on the (considerably large) cock. Remus decides to hook up with Mrs Black next.
Would I actually read or write this? I would, if only to see Molly choke to death.

The sad thing is, this is a fairly plausible pairing. Thank God Molly is not hawt enough for fandom to explore it.

Comments

[pauraque]

I think I might have seen that pairing before... though maybe your description was just so vivid that I feel like I've seen it. :P

[donnaimmaculata.livejournal.com]

fernwithy discussed the likelihood of this pairing a few weeks ago. I seem to remember that someone on the thread linked to a fic, too.

It all comes down to Remus('s cock) in the end!

[imadra-blue.livejournal.com]

I am now scarred for life after reading this. >_

[donnaimmaculata.livejournal.com]

The only antidote is you've got to write your own. It cleanses your system like anything ;-)

[imadra-blue.livejournal.com]

Haha, I've got one!

I, imadra_blue, do solemnly swear that my favorite HP character is Remus Lupin and my least favorite character is Colin Creevey. The mere thought of them doing naughty things together makes me whimper. However... given sufficient crack and an infinite number of monkeys,* here's how a Remus/Creevey shag might happen (though I sincerely hope it never does, and if it does, I just don't want to know).
Necessary plot device or deus ex machina: Remus must be under the effects of a love potion WHILE being stone cold drunk off his arse. Creevey accidentally poured the love potion into Remus's goblet instead of Harry's when Remus went to meet Harry in the Three Broomsticks. This has to be Harry's 7th year so Creevey can be 16, otherwise it will mindnumbingly horror filled and not funny.
Who makes the first move: Remus, simply because Creevey is too busy waiting for Harry to notice him. Creevey eagerly accepts, because he'd to anything anyone suggests, because he is that eager and annoying.
Positions and/or kinks: Creevey being thrown onto the bed of one of the room upstairs at the Three Broomsticks, and then shagged within in inch of his life. Creevey loves it because he's a little bitch. (I weep.)
Afterglow: Remus sobers, the love potion wears off. Remus just realizes he just shagged an underage boy. Remus promptly runs off and tries to kill himself because he is overcome with guilt. Harry saves him, Creevey is exposed as the cause of everything and is promptly thrown in Azkaban. Remus's memories are erased by a Memory Charm so he can live with himself.
Would I actually read or write this? Oh, HELL no. And don't any of you get any funny ideas, either. *glares*

[donnaimmaculata.livejournal.com]

Ah, lucky Colin. And he really needs to be thrown in Azkaban afterwards, because it's the only way to stop him stalking Remus, as he'd inevitably do after that shag. (I know I would.)

[imadra-blue.livejournal.com]

*giggles* And yes, he probably would then try to stalk Remus instead of Harry. Poor Remus. Dude, Remus hasn't even shagged me, and I'd stalk him flat out. Harry Who?

[fluffyllama.livejournal.com]

Hahahaha, you just killed me! Oh, dear god.

[donnaimmaculata.livejournal.com]

Fear Remus' Cock O'Doom!

I fully intend to write the fic now. Oh dear.

*prods you do share your nightmare scenario*

[fluffyllama.livejournal.com]

I have such trouble picking my favourite character, but the scenario was ideously obvious once I managed to choose one. Eugh, I need my brain washing out now!

[laurelwood.livejournal.com]

Oh, hurrah! As I was reading this, I decided it's my favorite scenario so far; perhaps it's your matter-of-fact, no-nonsense way of presenting it. I'm no fan of Molly either, but I'd be ecstatic if you chose to write this up.

[donnaimmaculata.livejournal.com]

I have.