Teh Sparkly

[donnaimmaculata]

Everything I know about Twilight I have learned from my flist, and I know that I will never, ever read the books. I never intended to waste any words on them, either, but I would like some confirmation that what I've now read is true:

Bella gives birth to Edmund's Sparkly!Vampire!Magical!WerewolfSoulmate!Baby and the following things happen in the process:

a) she pukes blood
b) the Sparkly!Vampire!Magical!WerewolfSoulmate!Baby breaks her pelvis and her spine
c) Edmund uses his awesome sparkly marble teeth to bite the Sparkly!Vampire!Magical!WerewolfSoulmate!Baby free from the womb

Really? I mean, seriously? Because if so, then this is the most beautiful cracky squick ever, and I am seriously impressed with SMeyer. I would have never dared to put anything like that into a novel I intend to be published and read by children.

Then again, I am not a romantic :-(

Comments

[eryaforsthye.livejournal.com]

I just watched the newest House promo and was depressed from the awfulness.

Then I read this entry and was happy from the lol.

That is all.

*mems post as anti-awful talisman*


Apologies for the incoherence. Am tired. Seriously though, thank you so much for posting this - it made me laugh very, very much and gave me this wonderful sense of gratification that I am *not* the only person who is left feeling bemused at f-list 'Twilight'-related squee. :)

[shocolate.livejournal.com]

a) yes
b) yes
c) yes

Seriously.

The film makers are currently shitting themselves.

I am trying to think of it a s a huge joke on the Mommies who let their Little Darlings read it, because there was no swearing or drinking or sex before marriage...

[swatkat24.livejournal.com]

...

No words. Just... no words.

[fluffyllama.livejournal.com]

Haha, yes. If I was going to post that's pretty much what I'd say. I'm kind of baffled by all the goings-on, but it's terribly entertaining!

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

It's like somebody just peeled back something in this woman's mind and there's...some weird shit going on in there.

That she is sharing with the world!!!

[ellensmithee.livejournal.com]

I'm reading the fourth book right now and it's honestly not worse than the other three. I'm thinking the readers were hoping the fourth book would magically get good or something.

[thistle-chaser.livejournal.com]

Unfortunately I bought one of her books before seeing anything on my flist about them. It's sat on my bookshelf, unread, for months now. I should just give it away because I darned well doubt I'll ever read it...

[fourth_rose]

I've started reading the first volume yesterday because I finally wanted to see with my own eyes whether that shit was for real.

...it is.