Teh Sparkly

[donnaimmaculata]

Everything I know about Twilight I have learned from my flist, and I know that I will never, ever read the books. I never intended to waste any words on them, either, but I would like some confirmation that what I've now read is true:

Bella gives birth to Edmund's Sparkly!Vampire!Magical!WerewolfSoulmate!Baby and the following things happen in the process:

a) she pukes blood
b) the Sparkly!Vampire!Magical!WerewolfSoulmate!Baby breaks her pelvis and her spine
c) Edmund uses his awesome sparkly marble teeth to bite the Sparkly!Vampire!Magical!WerewolfSoulmate!Baby free from the womb

Really? I mean, seriously? Because if so, then this is the most beautiful cracky squick ever, and I am seriously impressed with SMeyer. I would have never dared to put anything like that into a novel I intend to be published and read by children.

Then again, I am not a romantic :-(

Comments

[shocolate.livejournal.com]

It's her narrating the first three books.

Then this car-crash last one is divided into three 'books' - she narrates the first - waking up after her wedding night, covered in feathers, and he says 'I bit a few pillows' (utter bottom) - then the werewolf who has always loved her and tried to force himself on her - narrates the second part, including the birth scene, and imprinting on the new born baby - I think it goes back to Bella narrating the third part??

I haven't actually read this one.

[donnaimmaculata.livejournal.com]

I never knew of the existence of the werewolf until I came across the spoilers wank a few days ago. I always thought it was just Bella and Edward.

I am, however, developing a deep affection for the werewolf. He's so beautifully fucked-up - I think he and Fenrir would get on like a house on fire, up to and including their affinity for young children.

Fenrir, too, only "imprinted" himself on Remus!

[cutecoati.livejournal.com]

The pillow-biting scene had me shriek with glee.

I'm still not sure, though, whether SMeyer really doesn't know what the term refers to (which would be, like, dude) or, um, yeah... *brain shuts down*

Damn, I needa read books #2 and 3. And # 4. For real, that is, not via fandom ;D

[shocolate.livejournal.com]

I... maybe a good Mormon mother of twelve wouldn't know the term - but none of her editors??

Unless they all pissed themselves laughing and left it in...

Need the pdfs??

[cutecoati.livejournal.com]

Unless they all pissed themselves laughing and left it in...

I like that theory. *nods*

Pdf??? OMG I'll be your slave forevah!

[donnaimmaculata.livejournal.com]

Heh! I can actually imagine that normal people are not aware of the meaning. I know I often come across RL people whom I would expect to be familiar with, ah, relevant terminology, but then it turns out I've got to explain the bloody obvious.

Some time ago, I had to explain what "butt plugs" are - to a woman in her 20s, who studies media and knows her way around the Internet. And has a sex life, presumably. I was quite shocked, I can tell you.

[ladyjaneva.livejournal.com]

ugh, I fell really, really dumb right now - please enlight me about "pillow-biting"?

[cutecoati.livejournal.com]

pillow biter

Seeing that SMeyer has frequently claimed in interviews that 'her characters don't tell her everything', it seems that Edward has been more than secretive about some, um, things :DDD

[donnaimmaculata.livejournal.com]

Ahaha! I love the idea of Edward keepin his sexual orientation secret from his creator. There's a meta fic in there somewhere.

With all that sparkling going on, Edward would be the star of every gay pride parade in the world.