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Jul. 31st, 2003 02:24 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
donnaimmaculataHad a truly terrible day today, the result of which is that I'm not flying to England after all tomorrow. To cheer self up, I'm posting the second part of my .
Disclaimer: Don't own anything apart from the sick idea that Minerva might have hit on Remus. Why should she?
I b
This night, the first full moon since Remus' arrival as a teacher, must have brought back all those memories not only to herself but also to Professor McGonagall. The feelings that had shaken her the morning when Remus had left were back: Poppy could see it distinctly from the expression on Minerva's face. The Professor was not eating, nor participating in any conversation around the table. She was waiting. Paralysed with fear of what might await them in Lupin's office tomorrow in case Professor Snape's Wolfsbane Potion had failed.
Poppy was not surprised to see Minerva enter her office later that night. Now that she saw the other woman, she knew she had been expecting her. She waited for the first question patiently.
When the question finally came, it was not what Poppy had expected.
"You saw us, didn't you?" asked Minerva with forced calm, sipping on her tea, avoiding Poppy's eyes. Poppy frowned.
"Mr. Lupin - well, Remus - and me. The morning... when he left Hogwarts. Just before he left."
"You care for him," said Poppy. "You offered him comfort."
"Comfort? I suppose you can call it so. And technically, he was no longer a student."
"Even if he were," Poppy's voice sounded utterly surprised, "there is certainly no harm in adjusting an ill student's duvet, or even touching his hair. I've done so plenty of times."
"Pardon me?" said Minerva incredulously. And added quickly," Oh. You mean... No." she paused, frowned, and snorted with mirthless laughter. "You didn't see us, then." She continued sounding slightly annoyed with herself. "How ridiculous."
Poppy felt a wave of apprehension rising up from the pit of her stomach, making her throat contract. Minerva surely could not mean... Not the strict, severe Minerva!
Professor McGonagall leaned towards Poppy, gazing intently into the other woman's eyes. Poppy found it disturbing how this woman sometimes resembled her feline self, all deadly grace and precise movements.
"I'm only human, too, after all," Minerva answered the unspoken question, settling herself back in her chair and reaching out for her tea cup. "I... have kissed Mr. Lupin. I thought you knew. You were in the room a second later."
Poppy stared at Minerva wide-eyed. The fact that she had just started to fear such a confession had not lessened the shock when it was actually voiced. "How? When?" she stammered. "Why?"
"In the staff-room, just before he left for Hogsmeade," replied Minerva. On that day, Poppy had been reluctant to let Remus go after his difficult transformation, and intended to keep him in the hospital wing overnight. However, Remus had insisted on leaving, and until the Headmaster had settled the matter in his favour, it had gotten late and the other students were already gone. Remus was therefore to leave Hogwarts directly for Hogsmeade through the staff-room fire instead of taking the carriage with his school fellows, and was escorted by his Head of House.
"How? The normal way, I suppose. On the mouth," Minerva looked faintly amused at the shocked expression on Poppy's face. "Nothing fancy," she added, watching Poppy squirm uncomfortably. "And why? I don't know. I have asked myself over and over again: what could have made me kiss a student? A child in my care. A boy who had just experienced... his worst nightmare. But -"
"But he was no longer a child," Poppy had recovered from the shock. Minerva no longer looked even remotely amused; now, there was an expression of self-disgust on her face. "He was a man. We will always consider them as children, even if they have long matured. And Remus has grown up quicker than many of the others."
"That does not make it less shameful," interrupted Minerva sharply. "I took advantage of his frail state! I abused my position to abuse a child. An ill child!"
"Did you consider him a child," asked Poppy quietly, "when you were kissing him?"
"Of course not!" snapped Minerva. "I'm not that twisted! There was nothing childlike about him that morning. His eyes... did you see the expression in his eyes? In terms of age it would have matched Albus'!"
"And he certainly did not have the body of a child," said Poppy waspishly, relishing the shocked expression on Minerva's face in turn, accompanied by the tiny gasp for air. "Don't worry too much, Minerva. He is a grown-up man now, and as far as I can tell, he holds no resentment against you. He has probably long forgotten."
Minerva muttered something incomprehensible in response. They remained sitting in silence, until Minerva broke it again.
"I, well, I thank you, I suppose. It was good to tell somebody, even after so many years. Especially after so many years," she corrected herself as an afterthought. "I have nursed the memory far too long. It... has gained more and more weight over all these years."
After Minerva had left, Poppy remained seated in her chair, reliving the conversation in her head. Minerva had kissed Remus Lupin. She felt a wave of - anger? disgust? - rolling over her. No, not anger nor disgust, she thought, analysing the pressure deep inside her chest, a pressure that seemed to cut off the air and made breathing difficult. Kissing a student! A child!
No. Not a child. What she had said before to comfort Minerva was true. Remus had no longer been a child. He had been a man.
II c
Poppy breathes in deeply and understands. Jealousy.
She watches Remus fastening his robe and doing up his Hogwarts tie. He has already laced his shoes, and will be ready to leave any moment. His face is the usual mask of polite, friendly composure again. He turns around towards Poppy and smiles amiably.
He is still weak. She has checked his pulse, his blood, his breathing, his temperature - everything. She has made sure most of his injuries have healed before she lets him go. His arm is still very sore, but the bleeding has stopped, the arm is bandaged tightly, and he does not even need a sling. A werewolf's recuperating capacities are truly amazing.
Remus is backlit by the morning sun. Poppy knows he likes standing in the sun every morning after his transformations, she always makes sure he gets a bed by the window. His face is still grey, but his lips have lost their bluish hue and are just very pale. And his smile is as heart-rending as ever.
She has not realised he was talking, fully absorbed by looking at his tall, slender figure. How could she have failed to realise how much he had changed, matured? He is handsome, she catches herself thinking, surprised.
Remus frowns and repeats his words. Poppy feels caught. She coughs to hide her embarrassment and smiles back at the man.
"Excuse me, my boy, I was..." What? "...thinking about how much you have grown. You were only a little boy when you came here the first time."
He laughs, a little embarrassed. Uncomfortable. At his age, they do not appreciate it when one talks about their childhood. They want to be considered adults.
"Madam Pomfrey," he says, suddenly very serious. "I wish I could express how grateful I am for... everything, really. I think you can't know how much what you've done means to me." He falls silent, blushes slightly by the sound of his own words and looks away. She feels her eyes welling up with tears.
"My dear boy," she bursts out. "My boy!"
Before she knows what she is doing, she pulls him into a tight embrace. She wants to make it appear harmless, motherly, but he is so much taller, stronger than she is, and when, after a brief moment of hesitation, he puts his arms around her and pulls her towards himself, she knows he is definitely no longer a boy. This is not a boy's embrace. No awkward fidgeting, no hesitation as to where to place his arms and hands. He knows very well how to hold a woman. He has definitely done it before.
His scent is no boy's scent either, and the moment she realises she has inhaled deeply, Poppy lets go abruptly, stumbling back from him. He looks genuinely surprised.
It is this innocence, finds Poppy, that makes him so irresistible. He does not fully understand - yet - the effect his mere presence can have on a woman. Somehow, she finds this touching. She smiles at him.
"You better go, Remus, or you might be late. You don't want to miss the train."
He smiles back, warmly, and leaves without a further word. Does not notice her gaze following him.
"May all gods bless you, my boy," whispers Poppy standing still in the middle of the otherwise deserted hospital wing.
II d
Poppy pushes open the door to the staff-room, hurries inside. She is out of breath: she was running all the way from the hospital wing to catch Remus in time. Clutches his book that lay forgotten under the bedside table in her hand. She knows she could send it by owl, but if she hands it to him in person, she will, one last time, see this heartbreaking smile light up his face.
She is in luck: Remus has not left yet. He stands by the mantelpiece, a somehow bewildered look on his face, looking intently at Professor McGonagall. Minerva seems frozen on the spot, her right hand pressed against her throat. She looks flustered, agitated. Worried about the boy.
"You left your book in the hospital wing, Mr. Lupin," says Poppy into the silence. She sees both give a start as though awaking from a trance. Minerva lets her hand drop, and Remus turns around towards Poppy.
Smiles.
She hands him his book, he thanks, pockets it and steps in front of the fire. He stops once more to shake Minerva's hand.
"Goodbye, Professor. Thank you for everything," he says earnestly. Their fingers brush against each other when he withdraws his hand. Minerva remains perfectly still, looking up at his face wide-eyed. She does not say anything, but her lips move silently as though she was casting for words. Remus never takes his serious gaze from her face when he retreats slowly backwards, walking towards the fire. He turns around.
In the next moment, he is gone.
The End.
And now if you please excuse me, I'm going to bed to indulge in self-pity.
Disclaimer: Don't own anything apart from the sick idea that Minerva might have hit on Remus. Why should she?
I b
This night, the first full moon since Remus' arrival as a teacher, must have brought back all those memories not only to herself but also to Professor McGonagall. The feelings that had shaken her the morning when Remus had left were back: Poppy could see it distinctly from the expression on Minerva's face. The Professor was not eating, nor participating in any conversation around the table. She was waiting. Paralysed with fear of what might await them in Lupin's office tomorrow in case Professor Snape's Wolfsbane Potion had failed.
Poppy was not surprised to see Minerva enter her office later that night. Now that she saw the other woman, she knew she had been expecting her. She waited for the first question patiently.
When the question finally came, it was not what Poppy had expected.
"You saw us, didn't you?" asked Minerva with forced calm, sipping on her tea, avoiding Poppy's eyes. Poppy frowned.
"Mr. Lupin - well, Remus - and me. The morning... when he left Hogwarts. Just before he left."
"You care for him," said Poppy. "You offered him comfort."
"Comfort? I suppose you can call it so. And technically, he was no longer a student."
"Even if he were," Poppy's voice sounded utterly surprised, "there is certainly no harm in adjusting an ill student's duvet, or even touching his hair. I've done so plenty of times."
"Pardon me?" said Minerva incredulously. And added quickly," Oh. You mean... No." she paused, frowned, and snorted with mirthless laughter. "You didn't see us, then." She continued sounding slightly annoyed with herself. "How ridiculous."
Poppy felt a wave of apprehension rising up from the pit of her stomach, making her throat contract. Minerva surely could not mean... Not the strict, severe Minerva!
Professor McGonagall leaned towards Poppy, gazing intently into the other woman's eyes. Poppy found it disturbing how this woman sometimes resembled her feline self, all deadly grace and precise movements.
"I'm only human, too, after all," Minerva answered the unspoken question, settling herself back in her chair and reaching out for her tea cup. "I... have kissed Mr. Lupin. I thought you knew. You were in the room a second later."
Poppy stared at Minerva wide-eyed. The fact that she had just started to fear such a confession had not lessened the shock when it was actually voiced. "How? When?" she stammered. "Why?"
"In the staff-room, just before he left for Hogsmeade," replied Minerva. On that day, Poppy had been reluctant to let Remus go after his difficult transformation, and intended to keep him in the hospital wing overnight. However, Remus had insisted on leaving, and until the Headmaster had settled the matter in his favour, it had gotten late and the other students were already gone. Remus was therefore to leave Hogwarts directly for Hogsmeade through the staff-room fire instead of taking the carriage with his school fellows, and was escorted by his Head of House.
"How? The normal way, I suppose. On the mouth," Minerva looked faintly amused at the shocked expression on Poppy's face. "Nothing fancy," she added, watching Poppy squirm uncomfortably. "And why? I don't know. I have asked myself over and over again: what could have made me kiss a student? A child in my care. A boy who had just experienced... his worst nightmare. But -"
"But he was no longer a child," Poppy had recovered from the shock. Minerva no longer looked even remotely amused; now, there was an expression of self-disgust on her face. "He was a man. We will always consider them as children, even if they have long matured. And Remus has grown up quicker than many of the others."
"That does not make it less shameful," interrupted Minerva sharply. "I took advantage of his frail state! I abused my position to abuse a child. An ill child!"
"Did you consider him a child," asked Poppy quietly, "when you were kissing him?"
"Of course not!" snapped Minerva. "I'm not that twisted! There was nothing childlike about him that morning. His eyes... did you see the expression in his eyes? In terms of age it would have matched Albus'!"
"And he certainly did not have the body of a child," said Poppy waspishly, relishing the shocked expression on Minerva's face in turn, accompanied by the tiny gasp for air. "Don't worry too much, Minerva. He is a grown-up man now, and as far as I can tell, he holds no resentment against you. He has probably long forgotten."
Minerva muttered something incomprehensible in response. They remained sitting in silence, until Minerva broke it again.
"I, well, I thank you, I suppose. It was good to tell somebody, even after so many years. Especially after so many years," she corrected herself as an afterthought. "I have nursed the memory far too long. It... has gained more and more weight over all these years."
After Minerva had left, Poppy remained seated in her chair, reliving the conversation in her head. Minerva had kissed Remus Lupin. She felt a wave of - anger? disgust? - rolling over her. No, not anger nor disgust, she thought, analysing the pressure deep inside her chest, a pressure that seemed to cut off the air and made breathing difficult. Kissing a student! A child!
No. Not a child. What she had said before to comfort Minerva was true. Remus had no longer been a child. He had been a man.
II c
Poppy breathes in deeply and understands. Jealousy.
She watches Remus fastening his robe and doing up his Hogwarts tie. He has already laced his shoes, and will be ready to leave any moment. His face is the usual mask of polite, friendly composure again. He turns around towards Poppy and smiles amiably.
He is still weak. She has checked his pulse, his blood, his breathing, his temperature - everything. She has made sure most of his injuries have healed before she lets him go. His arm is still very sore, but the bleeding has stopped, the arm is bandaged tightly, and he does not even need a sling. A werewolf's recuperating capacities are truly amazing.
Remus is backlit by the morning sun. Poppy knows he likes standing in the sun every morning after his transformations, she always makes sure he gets a bed by the window. His face is still grey, but his lips have lost their bluish hue and are just very pale. And his smile is as heart-rending as ever.
She has not realised he was talking, fully absorbed by looking at his tall, slender figure. How could she have failed to realise how much he had changed, matured? He is handsome, she catches herself thinking, surprised.
Remus frowns and repeats his words. Poppy feels caught. She coughs to hide her embarrassment and smiles back at the man.
"Excuse me, my boy, I was..." What? "...thinking about how much you have grown. You were only a little boy when you came here the first time."
He laughs, a little embarrassed. Uncomfortable. At his age, they do not appreciate it when one talks about their childhood. They want to be considered adults.
"Madam Pomfrey," he says, suddenly very serious. "I wish I could express how grateful I am for... everything, really. I think you can't know how much what you've done means to me." He falls silent, blushes slightly by the sound of his own words and looks away. She feels her eyes welling up with tears.
"My dear boy," she bursts out. "My boy!"
Before she knows what she is doing, she pulls him into a tight embrace. She wants to make it appear harmless, motherly, but he is so much taller, stronger than she is, and when, after a brief moment of hesitation, he puts his arms around her and pulls her towards himself, she knows he is definitely no longer a boy. This is not a boy's embrace. No awkward fidgeting, no hesitation as to where to place his arms and hands. He knows very well how to hold a woman. He has definitely done it before.
His scent is no boy's scent either, and the moment she realises she has inhaled deeply, Poppy lets go abruptly, stumbling back from him. He looks genuinely surprised.
It is this innocence, finds Poppy, that makes him so irresistible. He does not fully understand - yet - the effect his mere presence can have on a woman. Somehow, she finds this touching. She smiles at him.
"You better go, Remus, or you might be late. You don't want to miss the train."
He smiles back, warmly, and leaves without a further word. Does not notice her gaze following him.
"May all gods bless you, my boy," whispers Poppy standing still in the middle of the otherwise deserted hospital wing.
II d
Poppy pushes open the door to the staff-room, hurries inside. She is out of breath: she was running all the way from the hospital wing to catch Remus in time. Clutches his book that lay forgotten under the bedside table in her hand. She knows she could send it by owl, but if she hands it to him in person, she will, one last time, see this heartbreaking smile light up his face.
She is in luck: Remus has not left yet. He stands by the mantelpiece, a somehow bewildered look on his face, looking intently at Professor McGonagall. Minerva seems frozen on the spot, her right hand pressed against her throat. She looks flustered, agitated. Worried about the boy.
"You left your book in the hospital wing, Mr. Lupin," says Poppy into the silence. She sees both give a start as though awaking from a trance. Minerva lets her hand drop, and Remus turns around towards Poppy.
Smiles.
She hands him his book, he thanks, pockets it and steps in front of the fire. He stops once more to shake Minerva's hand.
"Goodbye, Professor. Thank you for everything," he says earnestly. Their fingers brush against each other when he withdraws his hand. Minerva remains perfectly still, looking up at his face wide-eyed. She does not say anything, but her lips move silently as though she was casting for words. Remus never takes his serious gaze from her face when he retreats slowly backwards, walking towards the fire. He turns around.
In the next moment, he is gone.
The End.
And now if you please excuse me, I'm going to bed to indulge in self-pity.
