Life seems but a quick succession of busy nothings

Dear fanfic writers,

Do you ever stumble across a piece of writing in your draft folder that you had completely forgotten and that amuses you when you discover it after all those years? I saw the other day that, back in 2006, I had written a Slobodan Milosevic*/Harry Potter crossover:

"Whatever happened to Slobodan Milosevic? Mystery crack

Milosevic is dead and on his way to larger-than-life martyrdom. There's nothing like being a criminal - alleged or convicted - and dying under mysterious circumstances to become a martyr. Rumour will have it that he's been poisoned by corrupt Dutch authorities. According to my latest information (radio, half an hour ago), his death was caused by anti-leprosy and anti-tuberculosis drugs which counteracted the effects of his heart medication. However, considering all facts, I can't help but see some parallels and notice some evidence that points firmly into a different direction. South-Eastern Europe? Connection to Kosovo-Albanians? A mother's untimely death? High-security prison? Where have I read all this before?

Let's have a look at this letter exchange:

July 1995

Dear Master-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named,

Contrary to all the rumours that might reach you, I have not resigned my strategic position by the side of H. P. because of the threats uttered against me by the escaped convict Black. I have resigned it, because rumours of much more worrying matter has finally made it to Hogwarts: apparently, the region in which you are currently residing is under attack. A maniac who thinks himself fit to challenge the Greatest Wizard of All Times (yourself, Master) is on the war path and attempts to destroy all and everything around him. Including yourself.

I know of course that such rumours are greatly exaggerated, but I have nevertheless decided that I would be of more use at your side than skulking around the Weasley boy's bed. I have therefore set off and am on my way.

Sincerely,

P. Pettigrew

PS. I'm not sending this letter by owl but by wren, as in your present condition an owl might accidentally eat you.



a gust 1995

to: fithfl sssservnt in spe, baartmussss cruoch

havnig hard of ur latst misfortunessss, i hve deciedd to grant u the graet honor of freeng u frmo teh unwrthy cnditoin u hav ben ssssufffring undr. 4 furthr detials rfer to my obdinte sssrvant p.pttetigrw

ur master (exsss & in sssspe)

Lrd vald e mart

ps. plz x-cuse spell.work, hloding qill wehn disssmbodeid fuking hard. LOL!!!11



November 1995

Dear Barty,

I have received the order to inform you that your father is cracking under the strain put upon him by our beloved Master. He spends his evening hours sitting in what I have come to understand was your mother's favourite chair and reliving the story of your escape from Azkaban over and over again. Did you know your mother got the idea of impersonating you from an old school friend from Durmstrang? Apparently, that Mrs. Miloshevich (sp?) faked her own death by hanging, and spent the last 30 years alternately impersonating her son and whispering advice in his ear. It was she who infused him with such hatred against our Master. He has now sent out troops which roam the South-Easter-European forests and kill everything and everyone who looks "foreign" to them. How that Squib could have learned about our Master's whereabouts remains a mystery to me. But at least his trail is now cold. Mua ha ha!

Anyway, we decided it's for the best if your father took it easy from now on and are keeping him locked up in the basement.

Your friend and well-wisher,

Pete"

*Serbian dictator and war criminal responsible for the Bosnian genocide during the Balkan war

I also drafted an idea for an obscure crossover challenge where I brought Emma Woodhouse and Eminem together. (Unsurprisingly, Eminem was introduced to Emma by Mr Frank Churchill. Mr Knightley was not pleased):

( Snippet )

So, do you have any weird ficlets lying around that will never see the light of day? Do share!

*crawls back from under a rock*

So, I finally watched the last six Torchwood episodes in a row, and while the series leaves me rather unimpressed, I quite like the notion of the TARDIS' shipping Doctor/Jack. Because - she donated some Vortex to make Jack immortal! She ( Ah, damn, spoiler )

But I was thinking - Jack has never yet seen Ten. (Even though he probably took a very close look at The Hand.) Ten will have some explaining to do, and, being the narcist that he is, he might use visuals to bring his point across. - And so did I. And wrote a ficlet which I illustrated with images from all over the Internet

Picture-heavy post ahead!

Title: A Time Lord's Family Album is a One-Man Affair
Author: Donna Immaculata
Paring: Jack Harkness/Tenth Doctor
Rating: PG-13 for language and innuendos
Summary: The Doctor has an embarrassing history. Jack takes a close look.
Disclaimer: Not my characters, not my actors, not my pictures.

( A Time Lord's Family Album )

I wrote fic! It's short and it's silly, but it's a start. Now there's hoping I'll get back into the swing of writing.

Title: That's why they call me Mr Fahrenheit
Author: Donna Immaculata
Rating: PG-13 for innuendos
Words: 1850
Warnings: Cross-species, stolen puns, silliness and a hint of crack
Pairing: Ron/Ten (Doctor Who)
Disclaimer: None of the characters mentioned in this fic are mine. Hot!Ron belongs to Shocolate.
A/N: The premise requires some explanation: shocolate claims that Ron's so hot he won't stay wet long as the water simply evaporates. We know that the tenth Doctor is so hot that he won't stay wet long, as proved in New Earth. They're the perfect match.

That's why they call me Mr Fahrenheit

ithurtsmybrain issued that challenge that affected my brain badly indeed, and so I started writing an Emma Woodhouse/Eminem fic. I intended it to be a shortish ficlet and to post it straightaway, but it didn't quite work out. Now I'm stuck between giving it up entirely, leaving it short, or taking the story somewhere.

Would any of you like to read it through and advise me to give it up what to do? It's an attempt at the Austen style. I'm agonising about Eminem, because I totally don't know what the man sounds like when not rapping, and I can't have him contribute song lyrics alone even though it's fun. Does anyone know which phrases he uses, apart from "like"?

( Here's how it begins )

Apart from that I'm well. No permanent brain damage done yet. Drowning in work at the moment and owing comments aplenty. I will get down to it asap, I promise.

Another wonderful fic written for the crossover_hp challenge: Voldemort meets his Death at last. HP/Discworld crossover. A hilarious piece, featuring a wonderful Death, Mrs. Flamel's cream cake and, of course, a Game. Cake or Death?, PG

Thank you so much! Your parcel arrived today, and a cool-ass postcard is in the making.

I'd have loved to give you an Aziraphale/Crowley drabble, but I haven't started reading the book yet, so here's just a traditional cross-over to say, "Thank you".

( Much too long for a drabble, because I haven't slept for 24 hours now and my brain won't cooperate the way it should. )

God bless different time zones, eh?

I've got a little pressie for you. It's cut for silliness and the Worst Pun I've Ever Written.

( Le Grand Morte )