Life seems but a quick succession of busy nothings

For fic-writing purposes, I need to learn as much as I can about everyday life in public schools in Edwardian England. Does anyone happen to have a link or a book recommendation handy? It would be most helpful and might result in porn.

Dear fanfic writers,

Do you ever stumble across a piece of writing in your draft folder that you had completely forgotten and that amuses you when you discover it after all those years? I saw the other day that, back in 2006, I had written a Slobodan Milosevic*/Harry Potter crossover:

"Whatever happened to Slobodan Milosevic? Mystery crack

Milosevic is dead and on his way to larger-than-life martyrdom. There's nothing like being a criminal - alleged or convicted - and dying under mysterious circumstances to become a martyr. Rumour will have it that he's been poisoned by corrupt Dutch authorities. According to my latest information (radio, half an hour ago), his death was caused by anti-leprosy and anti-tuberculosis drugs which counteracted the effects of his heart medication. However, considering all facts, I can't help but see some parallels and notice some evidence that points firmly into a different direction. South-Eastern Europe? Connection to Kosovo-Albanians? A mother's untimely death? High-security prison? Where have I read all this before?

Let's have a look at this letter exchange:

July 1995

Dear Master-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named,

Contrary to all the rumours that might reach you, I have not resigned my strategic position by the side of H. P. because of the threats uttered against me by the escaped convict Black. I have resigned it, because rumours of much more worrying matter has finally made it to Hogwarts: apparently, the region in which you are currently residing is under attack. A maniac who thinks himself fit to challenge the Greatest Wizard of All Times (yourself, Master) is on the war path and attempts to destroy all and everything around him. Including yourself.

I know of course that such rumours are greatly exaggerated, but I have nevertheless decided that I would be of more use at your side than skulking around the Weasley boy's bed. I have therefore set off and am on my way.

Sincerely,

P. Pettigrew

PS. I'm not sending this letter by owl but by wren, as in your present condition an owl might accidentally eat you.



a gust 1995

to: fithfl sssservnt in spe, baartmussss cruoch

havnig hard of ur latst misfortunessss, i hve deciedd to grant u the graet honor of freeng u frmo teh unwrthy cnditoin u hav ben ssssufffring undr. 4 furthr detials rfer to my obdinte sssrvant p.pttetigrw

ur master (exsss & in sssspe)

Lrd vald e mart

ps. plz x-cuse spell.work, hloding qill wehn disssmbodeid fuking hard. LOL!!!11



November 1995

Dear Barty,

I have received the order to inform you that your father is cracking under the strain put upon him by our beloved Master. He spends his evening hours sitting in what I have come to understand was your mother's favourite chair and reliving the story of your escape from Azkaban over and over again. Did you know your mother got the idea of impersonating you from an old school friend from Durmstrang? Apparently, that Mrs. Miloshevich (sp?) faked her own death by hanging, and spent the last 30 years alternately impersonating her son and whispering advice in his ear. It was she who infused him with such hatred against our Master. He has now sent out troops which roam the South-Easter-European forests and kill everything and everyone who looks "foreign" to them. How that Squib could have learned about our Master's whereabouts remains a mystery to me. But at least his trail is now cold. Mua ha ha!

Anyway, we decided it's for the best if your father took it easy from now on and are keeping him locked up in the basement.

Your friend and well-wisher,

Pete"

*Serbian dictator and war criminal responsible for the Bosnian genocide during the Balkan war

I also drafted an idea for an obscure crossover challenge where I brought Emma Woodhouse and Eminem together. (Unsurprisingly, Eminem was introduced to Emma by Mr Frank Churchill. Mr Knightley was not pleased):

( Snippet )

So, do you have any weird ficlets lying around that will never see the light of day? Do share!

ithurtsmybrain issued that challenge that affected my brain badly indeed, and so I started writing an Emma Woodhouse/Eminem fic. I intended it to be a shortish ficlet and to post it straightaway, but it didn't quite work out. Now I'm stuck between giving it up entirely, leaving it short, or taking the story somewhere.

Would any of you like to read it through and advise me to give it up what to do? It's an attempt at the Austen style. I'm agonising about Eminem, because I totally don't know what the man sounds like when not rapping, and I can't have him contribute song lyrics alone even though it's fun. Does anyone know which phrases he uses, apart from "like"?

( Here's how it begins )

Apart from that I'm well. No permanent brain damage done yet. Drowning in work at the moment and owing comments aplenty. I will get down to it asap, I promise.

gacked from fabu:

If you happen to be working on some creative writing project, fanfiction or NaNoWriMo or what have you, post exactly one sentence from each of your current work(s) in progress in your journal. It should probably be your favourite or most intriguing sentence so far, but what you choose is entirely your discretion. Mention the title (and genre) if you like, but don't mention anything else -- this is merely to whet the general appetite for your forthcoming work(s)...

I'm using the phrase "working" very loosely, okay? Because I'm not actually working on them, not as such. They're sitting patiently on my hard disc, waiting for my return.

( OuaTiM )

***

( Harry Potter I )

***

( Harry Potter II )

I've just come back from a one week's absence and, on catching up with my flist, was more than happy to realise that the deadline for CCC was extended. Whee! See, when I started writing my fic, I made the huge mistake of not having re-read Tom Sawyer beforehand in total. I was re-reading it gradually as I proceeded and when I came to the graveyard episode, which is somewhat of a turning point in the novel, I came across a character called Potter. Muff Potter. I had completely forgotten the man's name, and of course I had to use it in my adaptation. Muff Potter's part had to be assumed by the Potterverse's Potter. Which introduced a rather unexpected twist into the story - because of what Muff Potter does and how Tom and Huck get involved. Tom's player in my version is hardly a young and easily intimidated boy, and I needed a Very Good Explanation to make his behaviour parallel that of Tom. It took me one hour to work it all out (work out the basic concept, mind, not write the bloody scene), but now it's all settled and I am rather proud. *is very pleased with her own cleverness* There is a serious plot hole in the concept, but since it is explained away by Dumbledore, I found it was very much IC and very, well, canonical.

Anyway, I had hardly dared hope I could finish it by Monday, let alone have it beta-read. Now, all is well.

The second Whee! is because: My Snack is back!

Some of you might remember me whining about having lost my Snape/Black-on-a-tropical-island fic a few months ago. Yesterday, I found a copy on a floppy disk. Whee!

Because I am in a happy mood, I give you an excerpt from the tropical island adventure. It was written as a response to the challenge "During late night explorations of the castle, Snape discovers a secret door. He ends up on a tropical island and finds Sirius Black asleep on the beach" and is completely and utterly unrevised and unbeta'd.

( Read more... )

Back to catching up with flist.

scribbulus_ink is setting up a challenge that proves interesting for all those who are even remotely interested in classic literature. I tried to resist temptation for, oh, like two minutes, and then thought, screw it all, who needs a life anyway, I'm in for the fun.

Like I'm sure most of you know, it's all about the adaptation of a piece of classic literature using HP characters. My first choice was Jane Austen: writing Emma Harry Potter style surely has a huge entertainment value. The cast is obvious: Hermione as Emma, with Ron as Harriet and Harry as Mr. Knightley. Brilliant. The minor characters require some thought (Pansy as Mrs. Elton is a bit too cliché), but that's managable. But: I'm not so much interested in writing about Harry's generation. I want adult players.

Sense and Sensibility then. Even more obvious: Alan Rickman, er, I mean Col. Brandon is Snape. Remus is Edward and Sirius is Willoughby. Plain as could be. But, there are no matching female characters. Remus/Hermione shippers could easily cast Hermione as Elinor, but I'm not one of them, and I don't even like Hermione very much. Minerva would be great (and I like to ship her with Remus anyway), but she has to be close to the other female character. And I'm not entirely convinced Snape could seriously pine after Trelawney...

No Jane Austen for me, then. And then it hit me: Tom Sawyer.

Before I had done laughing at the initial idea, my mind had already supplied Tom's cast (I'm not telling!) and I was laughing even harder when I realised how perfect the setting was. Only problem: the season. Tom Sawyer is set in the summer, and I don't want to change that, because the whole novel has such a summery feel to it. It will require some thought on how to twist it to make it fit.

As soon as Tom was settled, Huck Finn made himself oh so obvious, as well. At this point, I was fully satisified and decided to go to bed. However, my mind had even more in store for me and kept supplying the remaining cast (Sid! Oh, Sid is perfect.) as well as plot details (the graveyard episode, the trial, the treasure hunt...), and I know exactly how to introduce the novel to the wizarding world. It just makes so much sense.

Extra bonus: I will have to re-read the book. Haven't done it in ages.

My resolution to write more pointless smut somehow got out of hand. I honestly intended to write a short NC-17-rated Snape/Lupin featuring a silly Plot Device the sole purpose of which was to make them fuck, plus some blood, some violence, and lots of sex.

What I've got now is still the Plot Device, for which, however, I spent one hour researching on the Internet because I wanted to have some approximately accurate data, there's still blood, and violence, and some not-quite-beastiality - but they also insisted of having a talk afterwards. A long talk. God, these guys are such girls.

It's twenty pages long now and it ends on a fluffy note *facepalms* I blame the Christmas spirit.

So, is there any kind soul out there who'd like to beta it for me? I shall be ever so grateful and repay the beta in every way possible. I need a basic spelling/grammar/phrasing check, because I don't think I will change the, for lack of a better word, plot.

I also finished my SquickFest fic and need a beta for that one, too. *feels exceedingly greedy* I'm not asking my regular beta, because she's on her well-deserved holiday (Merry belated Christmas to you, Babycakes!), and because I don't want to afflict the SquickFest fic on an unsuspecting beta reader. It features hot shower action with Albus and Argus. Graphic shower action. NC-17-rated graphic shower action. With Dumbledore and Filch. With descriptions of Dumbledore's old-man penis. Very graphic descriptions of Dumbledore's penis. (Are you still with me,soawen?)

But, oh, James and Sirius and Remus and Peter are in it, too. If that's any encouragement.

The Snape/Black fic isn't going all too well. I had to delete a couple of sentences, simply because Sirius refuses to act like himself. He acts like Remus, and it pisses me off. Instead of snarling and growling at Snape (who is surprisingly subdued), he is all patient politeness. Well, not all, but still. Some patient politeness.

It doesn't help that the Snape/Lupin fic is taking shape, and I'd rather be writing them, but alas! The deadline for Snape/Black was, um, like two days ago, and I really shouldn't abuse the leeway I was given there.

And all this pain only because the sentence "Lupin could outspy them both with his hands tied behind his back" set the vicious bunny loose, which is now running around like there's no tomorrow.

Yes, I'm looking at you, skylark97

God! I've just finished filling out the most tedious forms ever. It's not that I think people shouldn't pay taxes. It's only that the entire tax declaration process is the most annoying waste of time I've ever gone through. The tax office's kept refusing to accept my forms for months now, and I'm refusing to spend a lot of money on a tax consultant just because he/she has an official stamp and is therefore respected.

So, my RL challenge for this year: Manage to make a tax declaration they'll accept. (It doesn't help that the Futurama episode in which Hermes Conrad is fired by Morgan Proctor and has to apply to get his job back at the Central Bureaucracy was on TV the other day. I think there's more truth to it than we realise.)

In other (and happier) news: I received my Snape/Black Fuh-Q Fest challenge: "During nighttime exploration of the castle, Severus discovers a door that leads to a tropical island. He also finds Sirius, asleep on the beach."

Definitely more fun than the RL one. Although Snape would probably disagree. Somehow, I don't think he particularly enjoys tropical islands. Especially if they happen to contain Sirius Black.

Taking up the thread I posted 10 minutes ago: I'm also confused about why I'm seemingly unable to write nice, fluffy, comfy sex and instead force my characters (well, not my characters; JKR's characters) to endure situations I describe using phrases such as "awkward", and "somehow scary", and "vaguely uncomfortable", and "'Get off. I can't breathe.'" OK, I like realism. But does clumsy sex automatically imply realism?

(Memo to self: sketch draft for clumsy Tonks/Ginny slash) (Easy. Considering how unexperienced I am at writing femmeslash it can only turn out clumsy.)