female love-juice which tasted like a raw egg

female love-juice which tasted like a raw egg

I'm reading Victorian Third Republic porn.

Ban on women buying suggestively-shaped vegetables.

So apparently al-Qa'eda doesn't want women to buy cucumbers. And apparently, "Al-Qa'eda's very heavy-handed killing of civilians backfired on them. The Sunnis just wouldn't stand for it any more."

I feel forcefully reminded of Terry Pratchett's Monstrous Regiment and Nuggan's Abominations therein. To quote Pratchett: "So what we have here is a country that tries to run itself on the commandments of a god who, the people feel, may be wearing his underpants on his head."
Hey everyone who's into Sherlock, but doesn't read [livejournal.com profile] weepingcock: apparently, Mark Gatiss himself has been known to dabble in writing Gay Porn, excerpts of which may be found here.


Picture Holmes and Watson, if you dare.
This has just made my day. I cried tears of laughter and joy:

[livejournal.com profile] ihlanya, you have to watch it, if only for the guy on the far right at 2.00 min.

ETA: embedding.
I have not cared about Michael Jackson either way, but I do like this interview he gave Hugh Laurie, some time in the early 1990s:

He will be missed :-(
If you like art and museums and jumping, this is the blog for you:

"I am an avid Art Jumper. Sometimes, while visiting art museums and galleries, I am so excited by what I see that I have to jump for joy."

Pictures of people jumping in museums. Here.

I particularly like the levitating guy in these photos.
Whilst amusing myself with the various Fails presented on the Failblog, I have begun wondering (since it is a recurring theme), whether people who design things like this really don't see what they're creating. I mean, is that even possible?

They'll probably see nothing but dolphins in this picture too:

Personally, I am very relieved that I still see the dolphins. It costs some effort, but my mind can be pulled out from the gutter if neccessary.
All these people who invented myths were really just writing crack!fic, weren't they?

Raccoon Dogs and Their Magically Expanding Scrotums (with pictures)

Raccoon dogs are known in Japanese folklore to have the magical ability to expand their scrotums.

[livejournal.com profile] lovehotel, you should have mentioned that!
Title: Giant squid do it deeper
Warnings: mpreg, non-con, slash, het, BDSM, mutilation, non-consensual masturbation (apparently), mentions of character death and cannibalism
Disclaimer: This is not a dark/squick/crack fic, but TRUFAX science

And scientists now believe the males had [...] been inseminated by other males after "bumping" into them in the dark [...].

"bumping into them accidentally" heh! Sounds like a slash fic to me.

Do any of you read [livejournal.com profile] weepingcock? If not, you totally should. It's highly educational. Today, for example, I learned that a) there is a Rammstein fandom (which shouldn't have surprised me, and yet it did) and b) that, apparently, it's filled with fluffy fics in which the Rammstein guys cry a lot.

What is the world coming to?

It's Rammstein. They sing about eating people out of jealousy and about men raping their daughters and about getting off on whipping "white flesh" into bloody shreds. They sing about sick pervy stuff. They should be awarded with sick pervy fics with lots and lots of fetishes and bloodplay and suchlike.

I am shocked.
So, I went online, looking for religion-related sites. And then I found this:

"Fundies Say the Darndest Things!"


"Sorry, but as a hearty Christian, I care a whole lot about where you're putting your genitals. I just want so badly for you to put your penis inside of a virginal vagina."

"I have a question. What if I masturbated to the mental imagery of someone being converted to christianity. There would be nothing sexual involved in the thoughts that would be taking place. It might take me longer to finish but yeah, what if that was the case?"

"Just wait till the United States becomes a CHRISTIAN nation again. We will get rid of public schools, put kids back in church schools the way it was at thye beggining of our nation. Abortion, Homosexuality,new-age mumbo jumbo, False Religions such as Mormons, Jehovahs witnesses, Catholics, Jews, Kawanza, Halloween, Satanic Music, will be all abolished when this nation once again becomes a Christian nation as it was intended."

"But God don't talk in Arabic. He talks in a REAL language, namely, English. It's true that back in them days He translated that to some other language after Speaking it in English, but after all, it's His universe and He can do what He doggone well wants to do."

"A person who sold a slave did not make God sick like watching two men do it." - Strangely, according to the Bible, this is probably true.

"I'm tired of hearing all of this debate of homosexuality. Why is it even debateable? These people are abominations in the eyes of the Lord; they could change their ways but choose not to. There's no arguement, that's just how it is. We should burn the gays at the stake, it worked in the Inquisition...I don't see any witches around anymore (real witches, not those hippy wiccan imitation witches)."

"I honestly don't care about your rights. If it were up to me, all Atheists would be burnt at the stake and or cast into a river with weights tied to their ankles and or placed before the firing squad, etc etc etc."

"Female circumcision is not barbaric. It is done for a reason, to keep the female pure. If only we adopted such practices here in the UK, then maybe women would be less inclined toward infidelity and therefore family values would still be an integral part of society."

"Don't ever compare heterosexual incest to homosexuality! Homosexuality is much worse because it involves two people with the same genitalia! At least incest can be traditional, and involve a man and a woman--a brother and a sister, Just like the children of Adam & Eve! So wonderful and pure of heart! God bless. "

"God's definition of "flat" is wholly different from ours. The world is flat in His eyes, but spherical in ours. This is simply because our eyes are tainted with sin and doubt."

I do like this one a lot:

"I appreciate your recommendation, and it is intriguing, but as a pro-lifer, I cannot support an organization that is opposed to the death penalty."

The above train of thought is explained thusly:


More fundies' pearls of wisdom [Or, as Eddie Izzard puts it: "There's pearls of wisdom and there's pearls of... nutcaseness."]

And an extra tip for a happy marriage:

"Hasten for intercourse when your husband feels compulsion for it."


And to throw in Terry Pratchett, as well: "Auditors were fascinated by religion, because so much that was done in its name didn't make any sense at all. Genocide, for example." (paraphrased)

ETA: The LEGO Bible. This is seriously funny: http://www.thebricktestament.com/

Especially the sex stuff:

Check out the sheep!

And the Greatest Sin of All

Apparently, someone had dropped Teh Gay Bomb on Sodom & Gomorrha
My gift fic has been posted. The delightful [livejournal.com profile] fidelia_guff published the delightful report A Week in the Life - the true story of Remus Lupin and Bill Weasley's guard duty. I am overwhelmed. Sparkling dialogues, lovely characterisation and - cats! Well, one cat, but Mr Tibbles has conquered my heart. There really should be more Mr Tibbles fics around, especially in combination with Bill and Remus.

I, too, have posted my fic The Ghosts that I Called for Myrtle Peasegoode: Almost-kinky Snape/Percy porn with power play and abuse and the sequel to my older Snape/Percy fic Tea for Two.

The Ghosts that I Called
[livejournal.com profile] fourth_rose and [livejournal.com profile] cutecoati, two renowned historians on my flist, have started [livejournal.com profile] history_spork which will host sporkings of Hollywood's approach to historical accuracy as observed in costume dramas. The idea originated after [livejournal.com profile] fourth_rose and [livejournal.com profile] cutecoati both posted their commentaries on "Kingdom of Heaven" (which, insignificant as it is, has been the topic of my three most recent posts) here and here. They will, ah, discuss "Gladiator" next and are currently looking for suggestions for sporkworthy movies here.
Found through [livejournal.com profile] skylark97: A seriously very not worksafe picture of Snape's bits. Make sure you're not drinking anything when clicking this link.
[livejournal.com profile] camillabloom linked to this site the other day, which abounds in interesting theories by truly manly men and features articles titled:

- Women Look to Men for Leadership
- Illuminati Sex Slaves Paint Horrifying Picture
- Bush Victory Could Foil Occult Plot
- Frigid Women Are Usually Feminists
- Now Hollywood Sexualizes Grannies (Ooh, I definitely have to read this one!)
- Lucifer is the Secret God of Secular Society
- From Homemakers to Corporate Mistresses
- We're Being Brainwashed to be Gay
- How I became a Mensch: After Feminism Stole my Identity

I have only read one or two of these articles, but am having much fun with the headlines already. I also came across this gem:

"Alters" are mind-controlled personalities. Illuminati families like the Bushes subject their children to mind control. They worship Satan and brainwash their children by subjecting them to severe traumatic experiences, such as torture or witnessing the murder of a baby. At these times the mind disassociates and splinters into different personalities that can be programmed and recalled. These personalities are called "alters."

Apparently, one of those articles claims that Cheney is not a pederast because his large genitals horrify children.

The Judeo Masonic Roots of Modern Culture opens with the words Modern "culture" is a product of the Luciferian conspiracy against Christian Civilization and talks about a play which opened in London about "sexual love" between a married man and a goat. Aberforth/Goat, anyone?

*goes off to read about the sexualisation of grannies*

ETA: The Sexualisation of Grannies:

A woman's physical attraction is a function of her fertility. To pretend otherwise is cruel and insulting, not just to older women but to all heterosexuals.

Sexual appeal is related to one stage of life: courtship, mating and procreation. Postmenopausal women should not be made to compete with young women on this basis.

A friend married 30 years wrote to me: "Old naked women are repulsive. A wife of age, however, is beautiful because of history; and when a man looks at his wife he sees the young girl he married, not the age and wrinkles, as her eyes light up for him."

Postmenopausal women deserve dignity and respect. They are our mothers, grandmothers and wives. Their beauty derives from their soul. Their importance lies in the love they give their families.

Men cannot afford to be with women who do not accept their leadership.
About one year ago, I was introduced to Queer as Folk UK. The amazing (and very much not worksafe!) screencaps in this post totally rekindled my love. Or could you resist that tongue? Or that arse? Or that tongue on that arse? Huh?

*goes back to drooling quietly*

PS. His hand is covered in spunk in pic #7.
[livejournal.com profile] slashmeetsplot sounds just like my kind of community: dedicated to fics featuring slash, plot, canon consistency and realistic characterisation. This alone makes me very happy. But the joy doesn't stop here: the first challenge is Remus Lupin Missing Moments, and I really hope that some of you wonderful writers hurry over and write some nice, juicy plot and even more juicy sex for Remus. He needs it. And so do I. Please?
The Independent Online published a list of 100 favourite fictional characters, chosen by "100 literary luminaries". I find it interesting that almost all Jane Austen heroines are on there (not her heros, though). The answer I liked most was: "God. Polymorphic, unpredictable, unaccountable; omnipotent yet negligent, kind yet vicious. Suitable to any genre or period. Able to hold centre stage in plot, or work subtly in deep background. Never requires a deus ex machina. A character you can immerse yourself in, forever."

Hm. Kinda sounds like Dumbledore, doesn't he? Especially the "omnipotent yet negligent" bit.
I've come across this site listing names that scream "I'm a Utah Mormon", and really, my first thought was, 'this lot's got their brains affected by Mary-Sue fiction.'

Because honestly, who else would call their daughter 'Latrina' or 'VulvaMae'?
So [livejournal.com profile] mctabby introduced us to the Unforgivable Crustaceous Curse the other day.

I've got the site to go with it:

"Got a fishy photo? A sexual encounter with a squid you'd like to share? "

ETA: What a HAUL of HORNY homosexual shellfish. Long muscular tails throb as they are gently caressed by innocent nippers. It's enough to make the eyes on the end of your stalks pop off!!


[livejournal.com profile] morganmuffle, thanks a lot for the card! And in German, too :-D



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