The Real OotP Sue

[donnaimmaculata]

Poor Tonks carries the stigma. Poor Ginny has been accused of it. But neither of them is the real OotP Mary Sue. No, the Sue has cunningly disguised itself and has assumed a truly unexpected appearance - but isn't this the marking of a real Sue?

I've just realised: The OotP Mary Sue is none other than Grawp. Have a look at the MS litmus test:

Long-lost relative of a major canon character? - Check.
Is the same gender as the author? - Who knows? Hagrid says Grawp's a boy, but did he actually check?
Belongs to a rare species on the brink of extinction? - Check.
Unusual name? - Check.
Superhuman and unique powers? - Check.
Unusual hair/eyes/physical appearance? - Check.
Comes from an exotic far-away country? - Check.
Has random hobbies that are undeniably convenient to the plot? - Check [i.e. pulling out trees and hitting people with them]
Appears out of nowhere to save our heros from mortal danger? - Check.
Sacrifices himself so that our heros can escape? - Check.
Do school rules not seem to apply to him? - Check. [Or any rules, for that matter.]
Spends an absurd amount of time depressed/brooding/sulking/being generally miserable about a situation beyond his control? - Check.
Meets the main characters and, after a few tense pages of plot, become friends with them? - Sort of.
Is muggle-born a giant, or doesn't know he is [related to] a wizard until he gets his letter is kidnapped? - Check.
Gets his school supplies with Hagrid? Hee!
Calls Hermione "Hermy"? - Check. [This, in fact, is what tipped me off in the first place.]

Well done, JKR. Pink-haired, sassy Tonks was just the red herring. It's Grawp who'll save the day.

ETA: Apparently, I haven't been getting comment notifications. If I haven't replied to any of yours, it's not because I'm ignoring you.

Comments

[shocolate.livejournal.com]

Superb!

[donnaimmaculata.livejournal.com]

It makes just too much sense.

[ptyx.livejournal.com]

LOL! This is bril.

[dementedsiren.livejournal.com]

GRAWP IS SEVERUS DAUGHTER??!?!?!?

...wait....

HAGRID IS SEVERUS' DAUGHTER'S BROTHER???!!!?

SNAGRID = INCEST!!?!?!!!

*cough* Yes, excuse the excessive caps. I could find no other way to express my utter and all-encompasing hilarity.

Thank you for giving me an absolutely valid reason to call for Grawp to be thrown into the Artic Ocean with a boulder tied to his ankle.

[donnaimmaculata.livejournal.com]

And so very obvious! ;-)

[sharklabyrinth.livejournal.com]

*wipes tear*

[donnaimmaculata.livejournal.com]

Hagrid and Severus are, in fact, twins in manner of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito. Grawp is their spunky sister-in-disguise, forced to pretend she's a boy for some important plot reason. She and Severus are trapped in a dysfunctional incestuous relationship. I am sure of that.

I fear to confess it, but - I kinda like the Grawp plotline. The passage where Hagrid asks Hermione whether it's OK with her if Grawp calls her Hermy made me laugh out loud. I love the absurdity of that situation *shrugs* Yeah, yeah, yeah, go right ahead and throw me into the Arctic Ocean together with Grawp. See if I care.

[donnaimmaculata.livejournal.com]

Heh! Happy to amuse!

[fluffyllama.livejournal.com]

Oh my god, you are a genius. That's the most cunning disguise ever! Next, of course, is the summer makeover to fix all those annoying problems necessitated by the disguise. He's going to reappear with purple hair and glittery contact lenses, I can see it now.

[donnaimmaculata.livejournal.com]

He's just... unconventionally handsome. Harry thought Grawp was ugly, but that was before he got to know him. Remember PoA Sirius? Skull-like face, yellow teeth, claw-like hands. And now? Sirius is teh sex, because Harry sees his true self.

*imagines Grawp with purple hair and silver eyes*

[dementedsiren.livejournal.com]

Pfft. Not going to throw you into the Arctic. Deal.

(So is Snape Schwarzenegger and Hagrid Devito? Or the other way around? I admit, I could see it both ways...Oh. Wait. Wasn't Schwarzenegger pregnant in that movie? Could we potentially have a Snagrid mpreg on our hands?)

[donnaimmaculata.livejournal.com]

Schwarzenegger was the grumpy one, wasn't he? Sounds Snape-ish to me. It was "Junior" he was pregnant in, but who cares? And of course we are dealing with mpreg here. It's unavoidable.

This does sound like an excellent set-up for a crack!fic.

[passerida.livejournal.com]

*scrubs eyes* Why, why, why do I now have this mental image of Grawp in a pink dres dancing with Snape at the Yule Ball? It's not right, I tell you, it's just not right!

Heee. Excellent theory, though. Can't wait for this one to come out in HBP. :D

[donnaimmaculata.livejournal.com]

Grawp in a pink dress dancing with Snape at the Yule Ball

I don't know whether to laugh or cry. This is so, so wrong.

Simple: Grawp is the Half-Blood Prince.

[passerida.livejournal.com]

So wrong, it's right. Snape/Grawp is my new OTP!

Grawp is the Half-Blood Prince. Or Princess. Or Gender-Confused Person of Symbolic Royalty.

[morgan-d.livejournal.com]

Oh dear. You are absolutely right. So now we know who Harry will be kissing and falling hopelessly in love with in book 6. (Maybe I finally found a reason to read book 6?)

[iibnf.livejournal.com]

Yes! This just goes to prove that JKR's greatest wish is to hit people with trees.

[annearchy.livejournal.com]

*sporfle*

Brilllliant.

[author-by-night.livejournal.com]

*Laughs*

The whole Mary Sue Litmus test is a joke. And personally, I think if you want to write a character that is a near-extinct type of magical being, and/or who has violet eyes, the power to you.

[babycakesin.livejournal.com]

ROTFL! and the scary part is that it makes sense *giggles*

[laizeohbeets.livejournal.com]

Hee!

*dies laughing*

[imadra-blue.livejournal.com]

*lol* Okay, you win. I take it all back. Ginny is not a Sue. I should have known it was Grawp. *sigh*

Very funny.

[divinereverie.livejournal.com]

Ahahah, this is awesome.

[perafruit.livejournal.com]

nonononoahhahahahaaha*dead*

[sprite6.livejournal.com]

I second this. *g*