I am drunk and I want to talk about sex.

[donnaimmaculata]

Yes.

I don't smoke, and I don't know my exact weight (more or less 110 pounds), but I can tell you, in a poor imitation of Bridget Jones, the drinks I had tonight: half a bottle of wine (white), one caipirinha, 5 vodka-with-lemon longdrinks. (If anyone wants to catch me on Y!M: I'm chatty, but very slow).

It's all swatkat24's fault, really. She talked about Malory Towers in a recent post of hers, and I replied with (among other things): "Long before I knew about slash - even before I really knew about sex - I used to re-enact the stories together with my cousin, spicing them up with some raunchy pre-pubescent sex fantasies."

Pre-pubescent sex fantasies, then.

First, there were the childrens' games of "show me yours, I show you mine". Then, the games became increasingly serious, and in my early teens, I played with my cousin all manner of pervy games based on the books we read. All boarding school novels have been abused as platforms for us to act in the parts of totally insane characters, who only came to the given school to cause trouble. While my cousin used to be the rebel (daughter of Madonna and Ron Perlman's; I remember that one), I used to be the repressed 'good girl', who discovers her bad side.

We also created a hotel, where all female guests were raped by a faceles man. I guess it was our way to deal with the horrors of possible rape and to process the knowledge that such things existed in the society we lived in (we were only about 10-12 at that time). And a friend of mine had this Barbie shop of horrors, where the Barbies were the prostitutes and the Kens the pervy customers (with appropriate leather costumes painted onto their pristine asexual bodies). It was a SM place, no less. It was then drowned in a big ceremony when she reckoned she was too old to play with Barbies.


So, I'm curious. Is it just my friends who fooled around with those fantasies? Or does any of you have any skeletons in the closet? Tell me, I promise I won't be shocked.

Comments

[fluffyllama.livejournal.com]

Oh god, yes, pervy school games *hides* I do remember abusing oarding school novels - oh and endless repeats of St Trinians and films about really strict boarding schools were definitely popular to steal from.

My best friend and I had, when I think about it, extremely well-developed kinky stuff going on - bondage, spanking, various whipping methods etc, and a whole complex fantasy thing supporting it. And um. We were 8.

[donnaimmaculata.livejournal.com]

Ah yes. Innocent school kid games and all *g*

Boarding school novels and movies are bound to implant a deep desire for all sort of discipline games into a child's mind, aren't they?

Eight is a perfectly good age *nods* I'm sure it is.

[arallara.livejournal.com]

Hey, I don't know you at all--I saw your post when I was reading semielliptical's friends page--but I had to respond.

Because, well, yeah. *g*

Starting when I was in 3rd or 4th grade, several of my female friends and I would play Playboy. We'd take turns being the photographer and the model.

Also, starting when I was about 10 or 11, my best friend and I would play hookers. I had two of these very, very large stuffed dolls, like maybe 4 feet tall. They would be the "johns," and we had my room all set up like a brothel. We had a box in my large walk-in closet that was a table, and we asked my parents for an old wine bottle and some wine glasses. (Not telling them in detail what we were playing, of course. I think we told them we wanted to play "restaurant." *g*) We filled the bottle with water and pretended to let the johns buy us a drink, then we'd negotiate the financial transaction and pretend to have sex with them on my bed. We also made a tape that we used as a soundtrack for this game--it had things like Prince's "Little Red Corvette" and Adam Ant's song "Strip" on it.

So, nope, you're not alone. *g*

[donnaimmaculata.livejournal.com]

Heh! That's great!

and we had my room all set up like a brothel.

That does sound interesting. Didn't your parents notice? *g* I like the sneaky way to get the wine glasses and bottles, and the music tape is priceless. If you still happen to have it, does it remind you of the good ol' days of debauchery?

The "pretending to have sex part" figures largely in all sort of such games, I guess. We used to do it as well. And the Barbies and Kens were positively unmanageable.

[arallara.livejournal.com]

Didn't your parents notice? *g*

Nah, they were pretty hands off when I had my best friend over. We didn't do much to my room. Just drape some scarves over the lampshade and window frame, set up the "table" in my closet, stuff like that. Nothing we couldn't explain away as something else.

And, yep, we definitely made our Barbies have sex, too. Sometimes with Ken. Sometimes when I was playing with them myself, I'd make them have sex with each other. But I guess that's a whole other story. *g*

[donnaimmaculata.livejournal.com]

I didn't have a Ken myself, so the "ugly" Barbie had to play the male part. Usually, she was the handmaid, but once a week, the handmaid had her day off and 'the man' came to visit. Elaborate system, that *g*

Makes one wonder how much parents did notice and preferred to not acknowledge. "Ah, it's only the children playing brothel again. Nothing to worry about." "I'm sure Ken will make it out alive. And it's not as though the tight leather suit doesn't suit him."

[laurelwood.livejournal.com]

I wish I'd thought of "Barbie Hookers". That sounds priceless. Ken was forever knocking up Barbie at our house, but I never thought of prostitutes!

My cousins and sister and I had a game we called "Emperor", which involved my highly flamboyant cousin Steve playing the role of a insatiably perverted (and impossibly endowed) evil dictator who had his henchman (my other male cousin) round up innocent peasant maidens (me, playing lots of different maidens at once) and bring them back to the emperor's castle for unspeakable acts of debauchery. My little sister and female cousins were the chambermaids who summoned and presented each new victim to the emperor in his purple satin-swathed bedroom or torture chamber. We only ever talked our way through the actual "sex" scenes, but most of the violence and mild degradation got acted out.

[donnaimmaculata.livejournal.com]

*dies laughing*

I've never though of prostitution, either. I had rape at the hotel and illicit sub/dom games at the boarding school, but the BDSM Barbie brothel belonged to that one friend of mine, whom I befriended when we were both too old for Barbies. I only know the stories cause she's told me.

I love your Emperor game, though. It's beyond brilliant. Especially the "impossibly endowed" cousin dicator (How did he know about the significance of endowments at that early age?!) and you playing the part of many different maidens. That's just so surreal. No wonder we all lap up Blackcest and Weasleycest stories: after having acted in unspeakable debauchery acts with our underage cousins, we can only laugh about what the Blacks are getting up to.

[tammaiya.livejournal.com]

Ah, my fond childhood memories of debauchery. XD There are the good old favourites, like 'playing doctors', and then there were some interesting ones like nude acrobatics. And of course fooling around (quite serious fooling around, actually... *shifty look*) with my underage cousin, to complete the tradition. *g*

[donnaimmaculata.livejournal.com]

Nude acrobatics sounds fun. And I am glad I'm not the only one who did some, um, serious fooling around with underage cousins. Seems to be a normal things to do; nothing to worry about if you catch your kids in the act one day *g*

[tammaiya.livejournal.com]

See, this is why I don't want to be a parent. I'd probably be like, "Oh, carry on, don't mind me, I'm just leaving." And try to pressure them into being gay. "You know, your best friend is very cute..." "MUM HE'S A HE." "So? I think you'd make a lovely couple!" "..."

Also I'd completely fuck them up. Oh well. *g*

[donnaimmaculata.livejournal.com]

florahart posted a cute story about her son the other day: At the age of four, he explained to his three-years-old cousin the word 'parents'. She knew 'mum' and 'dad' but she didn't know 'parents', and he said, "Parents is your mum and dad. Or your mum and your other mum if you have two. It's the people who take care of you at home." Adorable, isn't it?

[tammaiya.livejournal.com]

Oh, that's really gorgeous. I love tolerance in children. <3

[knightmusic.livejournal.com]

Wow, it's a relief to know I wasn't the only pervy kid out there!

I didn't really play these kinds of games with friends or family (my cousins and sister and I were firmly devoted to fighting invisible Ninjas when we were together), but I did make up some really pervy stories when playing by myself.

I didn't have Barbies, never liked them, but I had My Little Ponies instead. Those poor ponies. They constantly had some sexual deviant stalking them. I don't remember anything specifically, but I know that I made up all kinds of stories and scenarios usually involving BDSM or rape. I suppose you could claim bestiality as well...although I'm not sure if anthropomorphized ponies being menaced by whatever other toy I happened to have (generally some Disney villain from a Happy Meal was the culprit) fits in that category.

[donnaimmaculata.livejournal.com]

Wow, it's a relief to know I wasn't the only pervy kid out there!

It is, isn't it? *g*

I've never been fighting Ninjas, invisible or not, but I used to play World War II with the boys and fight evil Nazis. (With improvised weapons, because my pacifist parents refused buying me toy guns.)

I didn't have Barbies, never liked them, but I had My Little Ponies instead.

*dies* My Little Ponies! Priceless. The poor innocent beasts. It's amazing how easily one reconciles to BDSM bestiality and cross-species for the sake of some fun.

I never had villain toys, I think, so the part of the baddy was performed by the ugly toys, cause we all know ugly = evil.

[knightmusic.livejournal.com]

I never had villain toys, I think, so the part of the baddy was performed by the ugly toys, cause we all know ugly = evil.

Well of course! I did that too, or just choose the toys I didn't like very much.

[hippediva.livejournal.com]

Catching up on lj after sending Sands to Hell yesterday and having a migraine today (wonder if they are connected somehow? Hmmmmm) Ahhhhh the deviance of childhood! I recall playing Peter Pan a lot in my younger days (I was Peter, my little sister was Wendy)....but that never moved into the "definitely deviant" mode except perhaps in my own head....a little older, and the games became vampires with a lot of kidnappings and torture (did we really tie Lucy to that tree for an hour or more?) Barbies...oh yes, we did definitely pervy things with them. I even staged the beheading of Mary Queen of Scots once I discovered that Barbie's head could be popped off.

I was a bloodthirsty little brat!

[donnaimmaculata.livejournal.com]

Poor Sandsy. And poor you. I hope your migraine has buggered off by now.

(I was Peter, my little sister was Wendy)....but that never moved into the "definitely deviant" mode except perhaps in my own head

I never played any pervy games with my little brother, either. Cousins are popular, apparently, but there seems to be a natural boundary when it comes to siblings.

Kidnapping and torture definitely sound like good childhood fun. Did you really tie Lucy to that tree for one hour? *grins* What fond memories she must have of childhood games. And Barbies have been created for doing pervy things to them, in spite of the Kens' eunuch status.

I was a bloodthirsty little brat!

Little wonder you ended up with Sands!

[hippediva.livejournal.com]

What fond memories she must have of childhood games.

I shudder to think!! Scary to know that I learned (and experienced) ligature hog-tying at eight! :::finger to lips:::hmmmmm I haven't done THAT to Sands yet....Perhaps I shall write you a completely perved out youngSands fic....*G*

[donnaimmaculata.livejournal.com]

Oh yes! Ickle Sheldon playing pervy bondage games. That does sound intriguing. (He'd be so good at it!)

[swatkat24.livejournal.com]

half a bottle of wine (white), one caipirinha, 5 vodka-with-lemon longdrinks.

And you're typing? Like this? I envy you.

As for games, well, we were more into playing action/adventure games with sexual undertones. We would be brothers and sisters from a poor serf family (this was an all girls group, by the way; I insisted on being big brother, tomboy that I was), forced to runaway from our home due to the torture of our evil landlord (this included torture and murder of all adult family members, burning down the house). We would runaway to far away places with the landlord's goons in pursuit, and have various fantastic adventures.
The pervy games were mostly played when I was alone. I hated Barbies and mostly played with G.I. Joes, but I borrowed my sister's Barbies anyway. The evil Cobras would kidnap the beautiful Barbies and torture them, before being rescued by the brave G.I. Joe. Then there would be happy unions, and a lot of sex.

Psst, it's swatkat24. I HATE that person who has taken my name, and doesn't even bother to update his LJ.

Swatkat

[donnaimmaculata.livejournal.com]

I could type all right (albeit slowly!), but I obviously couldn't focus: I looked up your user name before I posted, but managed to spell it wrong in spite of that! *fixes*

Amazing how popular kidnapping and torture were. We used to play World War II and fight evil Nazis. I think there was some torture involved, too.

I had only two Barbies myself (one of whom wasn't even the real Barbie but some sort of low-quality copy) and no accessories, so the Barbie was forced to ride a stuffed bear instead of a horse and shag the ugly Barbie who assumed the male part for that purpose. G.I. Joe sounds good, though! All butch and heroic. My Barbie wishes she had one.

[maelwaedd.livejournal.com]

I'd heard the term 'get in his/her pants', so when my lego men had sex (yes, they were always men--no women involved in that sordid scening), they'd change pants.

Mm, lego sex. *sweet smile*

I had one lego person who was a spaceman with an M on his chest. I didn't know what the M stood for, so I called him Matron, out of the Mallroy Towers books.

Yes. Him, and Matron, in the same sentence. :)

There was no hope from then on in. :)

Then there was Jack, good old Jack, from the Chalet school series. The one who married Joey, and then they had eleven children. And oh my phwah, the hot. All the cool characters in those books got to marry doctors, except for the one who became a nun, and the angry girl. I have an unhealthy obsession with school stories, and always have.

That spanking scene in (I think) the St Claires books was excellent. Maybe it was Mallory Towers--either way, I'm pretty sure it was Blighton. Where one of the girls was punished and everybody spanked her with a hairbrush. *purrs and loves*

[donnaimmaculata.livejournal.com]

I'd heard the term 'get in his/her pants', so when my lego men had sex (yes, they were always men--no women involved in that sordid scening), they'd change pants.

ROFLMAO! Good God, that is so brilliant! As is the Matron spaceman.

This all rather reminds me of a scene in Toy Story, where Cowboy Woody is dressed up in a petticoat, the poor guy.

I used to tear through school stories, too. All those kids living together, sharing bedrooms and bathrooms, full of suppressed anger and desire, sharing secrets at night and being disciplined by teachers and by older students... *fans self*

I don't remember the hairbrush spanking scene, unfortunately. But it is the sort of thing that would get my imagination going like whoa! What sort of perverts include such things in childrens' books? They must know what connotation this evokes.

[maelwaedd.livejournal.com]

*giggles* It's ebol. But oh so good. I've got all my school stories saved up at my mum's place, so I can inflict gift them on my daughter when she's old enough to read. *glee*

I want to write school stories now, dammit.

Except, well, I sort of already do! *beams*

[donnaimmaculata.livejournal.com]

I hope your daughter will turn out a reader. (In my family, I did, but my brothers didn't, even though my parents encouraged their reading just as much.) You can give her subtle hints, too: "Pat and Isabel love each other very much. Very, very much *wink*"

No wonder we ended up in the Harry Potter fandom. Boarding school perverts united!

[maelwaedd.livejournal.com]

"Pat and Isabel love each other very much. Very, very much *wink*"

*snorfles much*

I was a huge reader, and apparently her father started at four years. We're always reading: to the point where we need to actually make ourself Put Down the books and spend time both with each other and with her.

I'm personally against teaching childen to read before they start school, but I'm going to ignore that if she asks to be taught. That said, my teaching skills are part of the reason I'm hesitant--I can read quite well, and I'm an all right teacher, but I'm also stupidly dyslexic and although I've managed to get over it enough that I *can* read and write fairly well, I never read aloud when there are adults who might laugh at me, and my betas are probably frustrated (of course, they're always polite) by the stupid, stupid mistakes I make. Knowing my luck, I'd teach her that b and d are the same, and to mix up 3 and E.

But yes. I shall read--slowly--to her as much as she wants, and it shall be school stories and Blyton and *squee*.
*glomps*

[donnaimmaculata.livejournal.com]

I learned how to read by listening to my parents reading to me. Apparently, I used to bully them into reading the same books over and over again. I didn't mind that I knew them by heart at some point - on the contrary, it offered a certain advantage, as I could tell my parents off if they tried to skip passages *g*

If you condition her early on by reading selected literature, she will be a Blyton devotee in no time!

[maelwaedd.livejournal.com]

I have a tale for you, which you will hopefully appreciate somewhat.

There are a lot of community service advertisements on tv here. I don't actually watch tv, but I do visit my parents, and hence I see them sometimes. They're against things like smoking around children, or child abuse, and there's one with the typical 'I'll give you something to cry about' line.

Adelaide was crying one day. She wouldn't stop crying. I was getting--frustrated. Finally, inspiration struck. I got out a really big book, and put her in the pram.

"I'll give you something to cry about," I told her, then sat on the couch and opened it.

"Paradise Lost. Chapter one..."

:)

[donnaimmaculata.livejournal.com]

Definitely, definitely appreciate that one! :-D

My parents used to read Hans Christian Andersen's fairy tales to me. I found them somewhat disturbing, though highly compelling, and it wasn't until I grew up that I realised just how disturbing they really are.

I just picture Adelaide quote Milton's verses in her primary school class... while other children still struggle with nursery rhymes ;-)

[maelwaedd.livejournal.com]

Oh, fwah. I can see that too, actually.

Even if Milton was a fat, pretentious wanker. Hmm. I'm oddly not sure where to draw the line! :)

Sometimes, I fear I try a bit too hard with her. Like teaching her counting games in other languages when she's still too small to say 'mama'. But oh well. It's all fun right now.

[donnaimmaculata.livejournal.com]

Even if she can't pronounce the words yet, I am sure that it is beneficial to expose a child to different languages. Even though I read this article lately which said that infants have to be talked to in baby talk because they find the high-pitched voice and exaggerated grimaces comforting. Sort of the Teletubbies approach.

Not sure I can believe that.

[maelwaedd.livejournal.com]

Yeah. Small babies need that, and I was probably honestly lacking in that when I was a child. I can't remember exactly how long you were meant to use baby talk--I learned about this in a psychology class with an infant psych component ages ago. I mostly ignored the class, because I figured it'd be 'useless'. Boy, was I wrong. :)

I very much think that people take it way too far. Children need a certain amount of overemphasis on their words, in order to be able to learn to speak properly. I'm pretty sure, however, that you can get the same point across by speaking clearly. Kind of like when you're listening to music and you can't figure out what the third line of the chorus is because it *sounds* like they're saying 'forty cents', but it's actually 'for these sins', but you never actually realise that until you read the lyrics because they mumble so badly. It has to be harder for kids, since they don't have that grasp of the language already.

Something I'm sure you already knew, but oh well.

[wikdsushi.livejournal.com]

Am I the only one who didn't play anything like this???

Though I did get strange looks from my friends when I put Barbie on top of Barbie and Ken on top of Ken...

[donnaimmaculata.livejournal.com]

Are you? You, of all people, are someone I would have expected to play all sorts of games. Dunno why... Must be the toothy icon.

Barbies were designed for sexual abuse, I'm sure of that.

[soawen.livejournal.com]

I didn't act it out, but somewhere I have some interesting drawings of the poor heroine all chained, blinded, gagged, and locked up with a dog leash on. I was six (I know this because it was in my first year at school), and I also really liked a certain Donald Duck story in which Uncle Scrooge is tied up and left alone in the desert to "think about his life" so he would be more obedient (meaning give the combination to his safe to the bandits).

*coughs* Submissive, me?

[donnaimmaculata.livejournal.com]

I'd love to see your drawings. Sounds lovely. I especially like the do leash. It's an indicator of great capability for adapting every-day items for eccentric purposes.

This places your being spanked by your father with a frozen fish into a different light.

[soawen.livejournal.com]

*mutters* *curses own big mouth* *curses fact that brother owns a scanner* *sighs* I'll find them next time I'm digging through the bottom of my closet, ok? And if you're really lucky, I can also find the Uncle Scrooge story.

[donnaimmaculata.livejournal.com]

Ooh, Uncle Scrooge story! How lovely.

I don't own a scanner and I don't know where my old drawing are and thank God for that!, or I would offer to show you mine, too *g*

[neotoma.livejournal.com]

Bondage with plush toys. My extensive colloection of teddy bears and other stuffed animals sported manacles and chains made out of yarn.

[donnaimmaculata.livejournal.com]

I can just picture a fluffy teddy bear all tied up. Amazing how popular bondage is among children.