Some fannish musings
Nov. 19th, 2003 03:54 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
donnaimmaculataThanks to ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
mctabby who mentioned it on her LJ, I've been spending some quality time browsing the Death-Curse Archive, a truly delightful source of fanfiction that makes your mind boggle.
Since the first time I read a fic on said archive (which happened to be Ginny/Remus slash), I've been addicted. Yes, I am addicted, and am not ashamed to admit it.
Hardly ever during my history as an active fanfiction-consumer I have encountered such a variety of spelling and grammar mutilations (forget ff.net!), such abuse of language, characters, and webspace. The positive thing about these stories is: they're short. The authors don't waste time with such redundancies as plot development (or plot in general), characterisation or coherent dialogues. The stories are short and to the purpose, the language in its simplicity achieves almost poetic qualities ("He pounded again and again. She twitched and cried: 'Oh yes, pound me again and again!' He called: 'You bitch like it when I pound you again and again!!" I'm paraphrasing. But not much.), and besides, how many slash stories have you ever read in your life that feature female ejaculation? Hm?
I must admit, I am quite baffled as to the exact definition of 'slash' on Death-Curse. So far, I have come up with two options: slash means a) stories that feature graphic sex or b) stories that feature anal sex, preferably performed on (female) virgins (who ejaculate in the process). I'd dearly like to ask the authors, but am a bit worried that I might receive a not-quite-informative "u SO SUKC bitch dont flamme i cum adn fuCK ur ASS!!111" in response.
I'll just list the first three stories in the slash section, shall I?
Title: It's cumming on you
Summary: End of war party: Sirius/Harry, Remus/Snape, Dumbledore/Ron, Sirius/Draco, etc
Author: Cumbitch
The Chapter titles are: It's cumming on you, Bollocks, The Enema Ward, Angst and Pooperdoo, Swinging, and the first chapter goes thus:
"'Oy!' howled Ron, while a humongous dick was stuck so deep up his virginal arse he thought he might pass out from it.
On the other end of the Great Hall, Harry whispered, 'Sirius, I can't believe you're back, Sirius... oh! SIRIUS!!!'
'You'd better believe it, you succulent morsel you,' Sirius snarled as he humped his godson hard.
'Sirius, I can't believe you're doing this,' said Remus Lupin, who had just come in.
'Well,' answered Sirius, not stopping his piston movements for a moment, 'you didn't expect me to shag you forever did you? With your worn out old balls.'
'That isn't my fault... '
'I know Moony. Should't have allowed Snape to dangle potion bottles from them while I was in Azkaban now should you?'
Remus tried to answer, but his parole was drown out by Ron's orgasmic cry, the Headmaster had finally shagged his brains out. They formed the base for the soup the next day."
There. I am almost inclined to believe this is a parody (the normal spelling is sort of a giveaway), but... But...
The next story is called 'SEX' (See? Short and to the purpose.) and features Ginny/Harry and Ginny/Ron. According to the author it's "NC-17 4 a reason...lol and i think u no y by lookin at da very pretty title above!"
And it begins with the words: "He stripped her down and opened her clit"
Um. Yes. Oh, and she wakes up in a bed "wet with her cum".
And there's also the notorious rape!fic, titled "Rape", which received 67 reviews, one of which says: "it was good but...i think draco shouldnt be a rapist. i think that he should like regret what he did and then they get to no eachother and etc."
Needless to say that the girl he raped was coming buckets. Oh, but she "had a crush on every guy that walked by her", so she was a bit of a slut and deserved it. That's my personal opinion anyway.
I feel bad about dismissing President Bush's Protection from Pronography Week as reactionary nonsense. No, honestly. Quite obviously, these kids have been subjected to their daddies' collection of adult movies and had surfed inappropriate websites, and this is the result. *sighs*
Dubbya, we need you!
mctabby who mentioned it on her LJ, I've been spending some quality time browsing the Death-Curse Archive, a truly delightful source of fanfiction that makes your mind boggle. Since the first time I read a fic on said archive (which happened to be Ginny/Remus slash), I've been addicted. Yes, I am addicted, and am not ashamed to admit it.
Hardly ever during my history as an active fanfiction-consumer I have encountered such a variety of spelling and grammar mutilations (forget ff.net!), such abuse of language, characters, and webspace. The positive thing about these stories is: they're short. The authors don't waste time with such redundancies as plot development (or plot in general), characterisation or coherent dialogues. The stories are short and to the purpose, the language in its simplicity achieves almost poetic qualities ("He pounded again and again. She twitched and cried: 'Oh yes, pound me again and again!' He called: 'You bitch like it when I pound you again and again!!" I'm paraphrasing. But not much.), and besides, how many slash stories have you ever read in your life that feature female ejaculation? Hm?
I must admit, I am quite baffled as to the exact definition of 'slash' on Death-Curse. So far, I have come up with two options: slash means a) stories that feature graphic sex or b) stories that feature anal sex, preferably performed on (female) virgins (who ejaculate in the process). I'd dearly like to ask the authors, but am a bit worried that I might receive a not-quite-informative "u SO SUKC bitch dont flamme i cum adn fuCK ur ASS!!111" in response.
I'll just list the first three stories in the slash section, shall I?
Title: It's cumming on you
Summary: End of war party: Sirius/Harry, Remus/Snape, Dumbledore/Ron, Sirius/Draco, etc
Author: Cumbitch
The Chapter titles are: It's cumming on you, Bollocks, The Enema Ward, Angst and Pooperdoo, Swinging, and the first chapter goes thus:
"'Oy!' howled Ron, while a humongous dick was stuck so deep up his virginal arse he thought he might pass out from it.
On the other end of the Great Hall, Harry whispered, 'Sirius, I can't believe you're back, Sirius... oh! SIRIUS!!!'
'You'd better believe it, you succulent morsel you,' Sirius snarled as he humped his godson hard.
'Sirius, I can't believe you're doing this,' said Remus Lupin, who had just come in.
'Well,' answered Sirius, not stopping his piston movements for a moment, 'you didn't expect me to shag you forever did you? With your worn out old balls.'
'That isn't my fault... '
'I know Moony. Should't have allowed Snape to dangle potion bottles from them while I was in Azkaban now should you?'
Remus tried to answer, but his parole was drown out by Ron's orgasmic cry, the Headmaster had finally shagged his brains out. They formed the base for the soup the next day."
There. I am almost inclined to believe this is a parody (the normal spelling is sort of a giveaway), but... But...
The next story is called 'SEX' (See? Short and to the purpose.) and features Ginny/Harry and Ginny/Ron. According to the author it's "NC-17 4 a reason...lol and i think u no y by lookin at da very pretty title above!"
And it begins with the words: "He stripped her down and opened her clit"
Um. Yes. Oh, and she wakes up in a bed "wet with her cum".
And there's also the notorious rape!fic, titled "Rape", which received 67 reviews, one of which says: "it was good but...i think draco shouldnt be a rapist. i think that he should like regret what he did and then they get to no eachother and etc."
Needless to say that the girl he raped was coming buckets. Oh, but she "had a crush on every guy that walked by her", so she was a bit of a slut and deserved it. That's my personal opinion anyway.
I feel bad about dismissing President Bush's Protection from Pronography Week as reactionary nonsense. No, honestly. Quite obviously, these kids have been subjected to their daddies' collection of adult movies and had surfed inappropriate websites, and this is the result. *sighs*
Dubbya, we need you!
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no subject
Date: 2003-11-19 04:00 pm (UTC)Opened her clit? for crying out loud!! that's scary!
I'm glad you witnessed that so I won't have to.
no subject
Date: 2003-11-19 04:10 pm (UTC)Oh yes. And when Snape used "his mouth as a latrine", Remus imagined it was Sirius. Because it is Sirius he truly loves.
Opened her clit?
Yep. Maybe these authors assume this is where all the cum comes from. Because - and I have to stress this once again - all these girls ejaculate.
Then again, those stories were posted to the slash section. So it's quite natural to expect all participants to "shoot cum" all over the place.
I'm glad you witnessed that so I won't have to.
Ah yes. I sacrificed part of my sanity for the benefit of all.
no subject
Date: 2003-11-19 06:22 pm (UTC)It bothers me when people can't get the terms straight and call all naughty stories slash! I remember a girl in f.f.net who wrote a poem ranting about "slash" and how it's sick to pair Hermione with Hagrid.
no subject
Date: 2003-11-19 08:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-11-20 01:51 am (UTC)Oopla! You're on to me!
no subject
Date: 2003-11-20 10:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-11-20 02:55 pm (UTC)So this is how you spend your time, while the rest of us are waiting - very patiently, I´d like to point out! - for you to write us some nice Snape/Black smut!
So, let´s have some humongous dicks in action, unless their old balls are too worn out for that...
Please!
no subject
Date: 2003-11-20 09:16 pm (UTC)I will have Sirius use it. I declare I will.
That'll piss Snape off a treat.
So, let´s have some humongous dicks in action
*breaks down laughing* All right! All right!
no subject
Date: 2004-01-15 09:36 pm (UTC)My eyes are burning. There were thirteen pages, and frankly I'm surprised there are more than thirteen actual stories. The mental strain of that much random typing...
Actually, there was one that intrigued me, but I was too scared to actually open it and see what was going on. Perhaps you have seen it?
It was titled, and 'summerized' with "Yeah, um?" Or it might have been, "Um, Yeah?" I can't be sure now, it was far too complicated for me to understand.
no subject
Date: 2004-01-15 10:03 pm (UTC)I'm afraid I haven't read the fic you mentioned. Or maybe I (mercifully) don't remember it. But in case you've found it in the slash section, I make a wild guess and say it's got Harry or Draco fucking a virginal Hermione or Ginny (or random school slut introduced for this purpose only) up the arse making her ejaculate madly in the process.
But now you've got me all curious and I will go and look for it ASAP and on this occasion check out the process of Cumbitch's masterpiece 'It's cumming on you'.
...
Yes, I am pathetic like this.
no subject
Date: 2004-01-16 03:16 am (UTC)Ah, drop me a line when you figure it out. It is eating away at my brain, and I don't know which would be worse errosion...thinking about it, or actually viewing it. Maybe it turns out to be an absolutely wonderful fic...hmmm.
no subject
Date: 2004-01-16 01:19 pm (UTC)Then again, I only skimmed through the archive and didn't read all summeries (or is it 'summerys'?) in detail.
Maybe it turns out to be an absolutely wonderful fic...hmmm.
Yeah?
*rolls eyes on the naivety*Oh, um. Yes. That's most likely.