mctabby's Nightmare Pairing Pledge

I, Donna Immaculata, do solemnly swear that my favorite HP character is Remus Lupin and my least favorite character is Molly Weasley. The mere thought of them doing naughty things together makes me whimper. However... given sufficient crack and an infinite number of monkeys, here's how a Remus/Molly shag might happen (though I sincerely hope it never does, and if it does, I just don't want to know).

Necessary plot device or deus ex machina: Molly's menopause being in full swing already, she works herself into hysterics about the state of Harry's socks. As all her family rather hide in some forgotten corners in a house full of Dark magic than deal with Molly's humours, poor, patient Remus takes over.
Who makes the first move: Remus decides that the only way to shut her up is shoving his cock down her throat.
Positions and/or kinks: Remus' cock down her throat.
Afterglow: What with her nose blocked up with snot, Molly chokes to death on the (considerably large) cock. Remus decides to hook up with Mrs Black next.
Would I actually read or write this? I would, if only to see Molly choke to death.

The sad thing is, this is a fairly plausible pairing. Thank God Molly is not hawt enough for fandom to explore it.

Question regarding the taste and components of sperm

I need it for a fic, honestly!

Surely I am not the only one who... ( cut for possibly offensive subject matter )

Eww het, Or how I broke my pledge

I made a pledge. Remember my pledge? It includes the sentence "However... given sufficient crack and an infinite number of monkeys, here's how a Remus/Molly shag might happen (though I sincerely hope it never does, and if it does, I just don't want to know)."

Well, this was a lie. Obviously, I am a sick, sick person, as I couldn't resist writing a fic based on my own nightmare scenario, without the help of crack or monkeys.

Title: Black Tears
Author: Donna Immaculata
Word Count: 2220
Pairing: Remus/Molly, Remus/Mrs Black (Yes, I am going to hell, why?)
Warning: dubious consent, character death (2x), possibly squick, alcohol abuse, adultery, general unpleasantness
Rating: N for nightmare
Disclaimer: This is not my fault. Minerva McTabby is to blame, as are fluffyllama and laurelwood, who made me do it.
A/N: completely and utterly unbeta-ed; this was supposed to be a humorous fic, but... well... it took a different direction; also, it makes slightly more sense if you read the aforementioned pledge first

Don't read if you: a) like Molly b) are easily squicked c) don't believe in Remus' Cock O'Doom believe that Remus is sweet and harmless

( Black Tears )