Life seems but a quick succession of busy nothings

LOL!

Thank you. This is exactly the level around which my sense of humour revolves.

I love the English language, it offers so many opportunities for seriously silly puns.

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shocolate.livejournal.com

Mahatma Ghandi walked everywhere, to the point that the soles of his feet became quite thick and hard. He also was a very spiritual person. Even when he was not on a hunger strike, he did not eat much and became quite thin and frail. Furthermore, due to his diet, he wound up with very bad breath. Therefore, he came to be known as a.........
.... Super callused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis.

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Oh dear God, this is so wrong! But I'm laughing nevertheless - it really doesn't take much.

...And it is the perfect means for remembering that wretched expression, which I never got right before.

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Hmm - in advance, have no idea what is coming next... but I promise you, twill be crack. Bad Crack.

Harry contemplated Trevor with longing. There was something about his green, slightly warty body that sent tendrils of lust towards Harry's toes. If Harry had stopped to think about it, he may have considered it odd - well, not odder than fancing the Giant Squid last week, or Snape the week before.

"Gribbit"

"Yeah, me too." Harry ran a finger down Trevor's back and licked it, his eyes crossing in delight. "You taste nummy"

"Gribbit"

"I know, it's boring here, but there is nothing I can do about it." Harry's single attempt at keeping Trevor down his boxers resulting in "Harry Potter and his croaking crotch". It was not going to happen again.

"Gribbit"

"Yeah. I mean it." Harry sat silently. "You know, it is not because I don't respect you... just..."

'Gribbit"

"What do you mean! It is not as easy as being able to tell everyone about us. People may look at me strangely." Harry neglected to notice that the subtly spelled "I love kissing Kermit" on his schoolbag may have possibly given the game away a few days ago.

"Gribbit"

"I know, I know, there is nothing I can do about it. I'm sorry." Harry curled up into his pillow - tears welling in a miasma of angst.

Trevor hopped onto his pants, and a slow grin spread across Harry's face.

"Well, if you're sure about it... we can always..."

Later, Harry was never certain if Trevor had imploded from lust, or if merely squishing the frog on his penis had caused the explosion. Though every time Neville searched the dorm for his pet, a little tear would well up at the corner of his eye. It was never easy getting over true first love.

(I am sorry)

From:

shocolate.livejournal.com

(so you should be!)

Dear Gods!

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I know I know - but, well it is this or another 83 pages of calculations (and yes, I counted, it is 83 pages)

Gribbit?

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Ahahaha! I was laughing over the first sentence already. I love Trevor the toad (and have to re-read that Trevor/Voldemort fic now). Harry Potter and his croaking crotch cracked me up.

or if merely squishing the frog on his penis had caused the explosion

Last night, a friend of mine told me he once saw that sick porn film where a man was fucking a chicken. Is this, like, the Theme of the Week?

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Hee hee hee - I'm glad you liked it - I shall read the trevor/voldemort fic now.. (well later/now)....

Sick Porn is the topic of the year, dear :)

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It's called "The Most Beautiful Warts He's Ever Seen"

Sick Porn is, quite possible, the theme of my life ;-)

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And I promise that that makes you a "GOOD" person.

:)

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:-D

I'm in good company, then...

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I just finished a nearly 200,000 word WIP (no longer) H/D novel. I hate the damn story, but you know, at least it's done. :D

Funny thing? After having written said H/D story and rubbing elbows with all the H/D types? I not only turned into a canon nazi, but have jumped ship to Snape/Lupin (Remus/Harry secondary). There is NOTHING like dealing with a bunch of singing, dancing, and honking fangirls that all squee over Draco. I have to write a freaking H/D novel for a challenge, and another for a friend, but after that? No more. Ev0r. If I never see Draco Malfoy again it be too soon.

I hope he dies in HBP. I hope JKR kills him slowly and horribly, and then I will LAUGH.

Not sure if that's amusing, but I've been up all night editing and writing pretentious Peter dark!fic. My mood's funny. :D

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shocolate.livejournal.com

The thought of dead!Draco cheers me up, anyway!

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*evil grin*

I hope it's not a spell that offs the brat. I want to see some blood. Preferably his head on a pike in front of Hogwarts?

What will the fangirls do then? *cackles*

Oh, gawd, I don't want to write any more fics with him. *whines*

This icon cheers me up, too.

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What will the fangirls do then?

Throw hissy fits about Stupid!Rowling, who Doesn't Understand What Poor Draco Really Is Like!!!11 ~~And write even more fanon!Draco, leather trousers and all.~~

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I, however? Shall point and laugh. A lot. *snerk*

~~I was considering writing a story about Draco in leather and see if I could get a free laptop out of the deal.~~

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The fangirls would probably OTP CuttingAngstyHarry/DracosSeveredHead. Scary scary creatures.

Now I want to write this. Maybe Harry can use the pike for extra stimulation?

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Or, alternatively, CuttingAngstyHarry/DracosHeadlessBody, if they're not so much into the kinkier stuff.

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You're right. Some people may prefer to explore the tamer alternatives.

OMG!!!

DracosSeveredHead/KreachersSeveredHead OTPPPP!!!!!

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*dies*

Perfect! You've found the perfect pairing. It's like MarsAttacks!Pierce Brosnan and MarsAttacks!Sarah J. Parker. Only, she had a dog's body. Hm...

I am not going to consider the possibilities of stitching Draco's head on Padfoot's body. This is just too much crack, even more me.

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I'm starting to think "The Three Heads of Fluffy" Draco, Kreacher, and NEARLY HEADLESS NICK.

Its just too scary.

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This, in turn, makes me think of Monty Python's three-headed knight (did he have a name?) from The Quest for the Holy Grail. Imagine Nick complaining about Draco's bad breath and how he always has to sleep next to him, which Kreacher mumbles insults under his breath.

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*while* Kreacher, not *which*

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HAA HAA HAA. AND THE BUNNY! VOLDIE IS THE BUNNY!

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And Lucius is Tim the Enchanter! It's so obvious, cane and all.

Hermione is peasant "I'm being repressed!" Dennis.

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You know, I think I've seen that fic before. Did it have lyrics from an Evanescence song in it?

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Please tell me you are lying. PLEASE... *weeps*

And why am I thinking of you in the context of CSI?

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I'm not entirely joking. I saw a fic where both Harry and Draco were both cutters and Draco committed suicide because he was gay, and Harry did have sex with his dead body, which revived him. I finished it because it was hilarious, though the author obviously wasn't intending it to be so. Evanescence lyrics were featured.

If you want to see the most horrible fics sporked, visit

deu_sex_machina. They rock, and their MSTs crack me up.

Heh, I'm not sure why you thought about me an CSI, but I'm flattered. I've always wanted to be on television. ;D

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Hmm. I will look at it soon - I really ought to work, just backing up my stuff at the moment...

:D I'm glad you're flattered

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rosina-alcona.livejournal.com

Harry and Draco were both cutters and Draco committed suicide because he was gay, and Harry did have sex with his dead body, which revived him.

LINKY LINK LINK!!!! Oh god pleeeeease!!!!!!

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I don't have a direct link, I deleted the fic on purpose. ^_~

However, I found it on the Yahoo!Group harry_potter_slash. They have all sorts of ~~horrible~~ interesting ~~dreck~~ stories.

Link here: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/harry_potter_slash/

For some of the very worst of the worst, I recommend going here:
http://www.foreverfandom.net/

Share the badfic, it's good for a laugh.

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The idea of singing, dancing, and honking fangirls that all squee over Draco *is* amusing. Even though I am sorry that you had to deal with it. But it was for a greater good!

I don't want him dead, though. I want him humiliated and turned into a slug-like thing on the train. Actually, I think this is it: I want to see Draco being humiliated and everyone to laugh at him. Annoying brat that he is.

I do want to read your H/D novel, though :-)

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Ha, it's not your fault. The squeeing fangirls just remind me of why I ran away from the LotR fandom. I don't get it, either. Felton is spotty and has a goofy face, imho.

Draco as a slug? That could work. I just really, really want him to go away. I prefer him dead because then watching the fangirls cry over this fanon!Draco they built up in their head will make me smirk. A lot.

Gah, you do? *hides*

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rosina-alcona.livejournal.com

frivolous? moi? *bats eyelashes*

Ok - I have been asked out by the Gentleman Farmer. This is the one whose parents live in a Tudor manor house in Oxfordshire with a garden you have to pay to look round (ooh! Just like Pemberley! except...not) and got a rucksack full of human hair to scare deer away from his elderflowers.

Does he sound like my type?

Also, my friend (who has the gay threesome dreams) is working at the High Court in Glasgow just now. He saw Top Human Rights Lawyer earlier and 'accidentally' elbowed him, because he doesn't like him! I love the fact that Top High Court Lawyers are just as immature as the rest of the human race...

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OK, that human hair bit does sound like from some freaky serial killer B-movie. And I always imagine your Gentleman Farmer to look like my ex-flatmate. Wish his parents lived in a Tudor manor house. Will there be any Scooby Doo-like action? *g*

I love the fact that Top Human Rights Lawyer have gay threesome dreams!

My best (and Extremely Hot) friend is on the brink of becoming a Top Lawyer. He's very goodlooking and gives the impression of being all serious and conservative, but he's got the sickest brain ever. Ever. And I know a sick brain when I see it *g*

There was time in my life when I used to work as an interpreter for some top-notch clients. (Well, not all of them were top-notch, but some were.) The prospect of interpreting negotiations between corporate presidents and CEOs and what have you would always scare me to death. But more often than not they were as silly and immature as everyone else I know. They only wore the more expensive suits.

From:

soawen.livejournal.com

"Stop it," Harry whispered, but he couldn't stop himself - Draco's Body would be furious if it found them like this, but Draco's Head was sticking out the tongue in the most lewd way.

Devasted at being turned down by the only one he had ever loved, Crookshanks left Hogwarts to become a well-dressed rogue breaking the heart of every female he came across.

"I'm sorry, Black," Snape said with a wide smile, "but it was the only way, and frankly, I have always thought your head belonged on the shoulders of a house elf."

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You slay. :D

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