(no subject)

[donnaimmaculata]

I am just catching up on the posts over at babb_chronicles, haven of bizzare badfic quotes. I've been giggling happily for quite a while, but this gem has just made me lose it completely:

Just then with a flash Snap appeared sneering in his black clothes. ‘What do you want you nasty man.’ She said. ‘I want to take you away from all this.’ Said Snape as he revealed he underneath his cape he was bear.

*dies all over again*

ETA: Draco's hand trailed down to vagina, and he began to rub softly. Hermione was in great thoughts now.
He slowly inserted a finger, and he rubbed it around in circles. Hermione was very horny, and she was ready to come when she did. It felt like the world was crashing down, she is a virgin, and she had just orgasmed, well she WAS a virgin.

*is teh dead*

Comments

[dementedsiren.livejournal.com]

I demand bestiality fic. Or animagus fic. Preferably with Hagrid involved. Please???

"Oh, Sev'rus, you're so furry under that scaly exterior."

Severus eyed the half-giant lazily, sticking his paw back into the jar of honey Hagrid had provided and licking it clean.

[donnaimmaculata.livejournal.com]

I had this horrible association with the "bear" subgenre of gay movies.

Severus Snape: stuck midway in an bi-mammal Animagus transformation between bat and bear or the result of illegal breeding experiments? Experiments which were possibly carried out by Hagrid? Because Hagrid has an, ah, special taste in his mating partners and doesn't get off unless they provide at least one of the following: a) fur b) fiery breath c) scales

[dementedsiren.livejournal.com]

It depends... if you want to be Sue-ish, the Animagus transformation for sure (Snape, he's so special he can be two animals at once! *swoon*). If you want to go for extreme kink factor with a possibility of a sequel (after all, we don't know who else Hagrid has been tampering with... maybe Hermione's cat transformation wasn't such an accident after all...) go for the breeding program.

It explains so much.

Can you imagine how much depilatory cream Snape must go through?

[donnaimmaculata.livejournal.com]

"Extreme kink factor" sounds good to me!

I wonder whether Snape hybernates. Maybe he's always so grumpy because his metabolism urges him to sleep through most of the winter but his employer forces him to educate teenagers.

[dementedsiren.livejournal.com]

And if one thing is the antithesis of sleep and hybernation, it is teaching teenaged kids.

Snape does live in a burrow, if you want to think of it that way. If that really is Snape's problem, then all Dumbledore would need to do is let him go on sabbatical for a few months out of the year... but then you'd have pleasant!Snape, and I'm not sure I'd know what to do with that.

[donnaimmaculata.livejournal.com]

Pleasant fat Snape. Imagine Severus putting on considerable weight each autumn and staggering heavily through the castle, sucking his paw.

[dementedsiren.livejournal.com]

Scarily enough, I can, and it hurts.

I now have the desire to attach verbs such as "waddle" and "trundle" to everything Snape does.

"Snape waddled smoothly."
"Snape trundles away with a disgruntled sigh."
"Snape lumbered sexily."
"Snape toddled about with his cock hanging out, much to Hagrid's pleasure."

[donnaimmaculata.livejournal.com]

Must be a very impressive cock if it's still visible from underneath all the fat rolls. But we knew that already.

[swatkat24.livejournal.com]

Hermione was in great thoughts now.

So am I, so am I.

Swatkat

[donnaimmaculata.livejournal.com]

The thoughts bit is my favourite part, too.