Vatican slash

[donnaimmaculata]

*is worried*

First thing I did this morning was write a ficlet for cordelia_v, who asked for "a sick, sacriligeous drabble. Bonus points if you can work in any of the following: his history as a member of the Hitler Youth; Ratzinger's pronouncement that all other religions are "deficient"; or a reference to the fact that (more than any other cardinal) he's worked hard to foreclose any possibility that women could ever become Catholic priests." I meant to link to it in my LJ this morning, but I forgot. Not a good sign.

Anyway, it's Joseph Ratzinger/Karol Wojtyla (aka Benedict XVI/John Paul II). Offensive subject matter, Nazi references and implied slash! Be warned! The original version in German is here. The translation (a very hasty and rough one) is

Joseph crouched under the low window, listening to the laughter and and drunken singing that poured outside. His breath was harsh, and his body felt as though ants were crawling underneath his skin, running back and forth, back and forth...

Damn partisans! He gritted his teeth until it hurt. Damn, filthy, subhuman partisans and their whores! They were enjoying themselves, while he, the German, a master of this world, was reduced to cowering by the dirty wall, like a dog. He hated Hungary, hated the Reichsarbeitsdienst (he winced, guiltily, as the forbidden thought manifested itself), but he was doing his duty without complaining.

But them, the partisans, they have set up an establishment of pleasure in that dirty hole, attempting to escape the horrors surrounding them. But they hadn't expected him. - Carefully, avoiding making any sound, he rose to his feet and threw a last glance through the window. He would spoil their party sure enough, he would do his duty and would report their hiding place to his superiors.

On stage, slim and dashing, stood a tall figure: A young man, his face open and genial, his bright gaze fixed on the unseen. A young woman in a red dress stood by his side, singing a sad song,

Wojenko, wojenko, cozes ty za pani,
Ze za toba ida, ze za toba ida
Chlopcy malowani?

but Joseph only saw him.

Forgotten was all duty, forgotten the fatherland service. Trembling from head to toe, as though in fever, he stood and watched and watched and watched. He watched the young man, who stood proud and free, as though he wasn't surrounded by death and destruction, as though the war wasn't, as though he was carrying a secret in his heart that gave him strength and hope.

Joseph didn't know who the young man was, but he did know one: He would become close to the man, even if he had to abandon his pride, he would become his friend, his confidant.

He would make sure that no woman would have a chance in his eyes, ever again.

The End

A/N: "Reichsarbeitsdienst" was the work service all young men, later all young women too, had to render during Hitler's regime. Ratzinger served parts of his in Hungary.

John Paul II was involved in some experimental theatre in the 30s (?). We learned in my Polish literature class that he was rumoured to have had an affair with some actress or other, but maybe the teacher was just trying to keep us entertained. I'll have to look up my old notes... But he defintitely was a partisan.

Vatican slash, now there's a fandom. I am really quite fascinated by the possibilities. It's got it all: mysticism, repressed guilt, UST, strive for world power, kinky punishments, homosexuality, underage, lack of female characters, the prospect of immortality, fancy robes... It's like HP, really.

Comments

[the-gentleman.livejournal.com]

I mentioned the idea to the crackchatters last night. But even I'm surprised it only took a day to appear.

[donnaimmaculata.livejournal.com]

Well, it's got to appear as long as the impact is still fresh and before something more interesting happens, like the Football World Cup. We've been through football slash, Olympics slash and TV presenters slash, why not cardinals?

[wildestranger.livejournal.com]

Excellent, excellent. I approve of blasphemy, particularly with the idea of how much it would disturb him to know about this. Perhaps you should send it to him?

[anneline.livejournal.com]

The pope just got a new email address so if you do want to send it to him ...

In English, the address is benedictxvi@vatican.va.

In Italian: benedettoxvi@vatican.va.

[donnaimmaculata.livejournal.com]

Ahaha! Spamming the pope with blasphemic fics? I'm sure he gets thousands of those already, though, so a harmless little ficlet like mine would pass unnoticed.

[donnaimmaculata.livejournal.com]

Yay for blasphemy! However, I am afraid that it wouldn't disturb him all that much, because a) he'd never get to see it and b) the legions of underlings who manage his mail have certainly seen much worse ;-)

[oakwonder.livejournal.com]

Hoo boy, they'll have to dig a new bolge for you.

[donnaimmaculata.livejournal.com]

And this one was only PG! Wait till I get to the NC-17 ones with extra warnings ;-)

[laura-the-auror.livejournal.com]

Awesome & well done.
mysticism, repressed guilt, UST, strive for world power, kinky punishments, homosexuality, underage, lack of female characters, the prospect of immortality, fancy robes... It's like HP, really.
LOL! Thanks!

[donnaimmaculata.livejournal.com]

Heh! Thank you. The HP parallel was too good to ignore *g*

[triestine.livejournal.com]

*standing ovation*

[donnaimmaculata.livejournal.com]

ROTFL! Icon love!

*bows* Thank you. I do what can :-)

[paranoidkitten.livejournal.com]

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Yes.

[donnaimmaculata.livejournal.com]

So wrong and yet so right...

[mimine.livejournal.com]

Well... I've read popslash but this is my first popeslash. Good job! And for a hurried translation as you put it, this was awesome!

And from a strictly wanky translator pov, weren't you tempted to change some things as you were translating it? Add or take out stuff? I've tried translating some of my original fic and ended up writing something very different from one language to the other.

[donnaimmaculata.livejournal.com]

Popeslash! LOL! There should be more, if only to use the phrase more often.

I'm glad you liked it :-)

I did change a few things. But that's the point of translating, isn't it? Making it sound natural in the target language, not attemptung a literal translation. They hammered this technique into us during my translator studies.

[kaleidoskope]

Oh! When I read the description, I was expecting a *pitchfork* moment, but this was actually good. Very well written and almost plausible :) Vatican slash is obviously the new cool thing.

[donnaimmaculata.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much! I'm happy to exceed expectations ;-) There should be more Vatican slash, if only to use mimine newly coined expression popeslash.

[josanpq.livejournal.com]

Why does this ring so true?

[donnaimmaculata.livejournal.com]

I've worked it all out, you know...

[lynkemma.livejournal.com]

Here via laura_the_auror. Thank you for cheering me up - I've been angry about the new pope but this more than makes up for it.

Do send it to him :-))

[donnaimmaculata.livejournal.com]

Ah, I'm happy to spread cheer and happiness amongst men :-)

Many people feel queasy about the new pope, so it's good to be able to rebel against him in my small, humble way.

[dphearson.livejournal.com]

We learned in my Polish literature class that he was rumoured to have had an affair with some actress

Apparently, JPII had one or two women who admit to being rather deeply in love with him. There are always women who are in love with the young man just about to go into seminary!

And great work with the drabble!

[donnaimmaculata.livejournal.com]

I'm sure he had. By all accounts he seemed to have been a nice young man.

My uncle was at a priest seminary - before he decided to marry and have seven children. Apparently, John Paul was better at resisting temptation.

Thanks! I'm glad you liked it. Cordelia V.'s got a Ratzinger FQFlet running, and who am I to resist?